Dec 092010
 

Do you like tea towels? It would appear that the British royal family don’t, because they have banned them from being used to commemorate the forthcoming dreadful royal wedding of two rather dull individuals who’s names escape me for the moment!

Yes that is right the Palace has ruled that official souvenirs must be “permanent” and “significant” (whatever that means) and for the ‘palace’ you can read the queen and the rest of the brood.

All of which means I expect we will see lots of really awful plates mass produced in China with uncanny photographic resemblances of the young royal pair; but hang on plates, commemorative or not, aren’t exactly “permanent” are they? You can break a plate quite easily especially if you are in a deteriorating marriage then they tend to fly at you from all angles, even if the aforementioned plate is covered in gold leaf to make it “significant!”

As a Cat with most of his marbles I have to say that I can’t see what all of the fuss about tea towels is about. Just look at this marvellous example of tea towel craftsmanship and design from Charles’ marriage the time before last, to the sulky blonde.

Nice tea towel.jpg

I have to say although I am a poor judge of human expressions that ‘the boy’ in the pin strip suit looks pretty chipper and frankly the ‘likeness’ is very flattering, I bet when charles does the drying up at home he still smiles at the good looking young guy looking up at him.

If anyone should be more than a little annoyed it is the family of the blonde tragic princess-to-be she looks awful, but then if you had just heard that your future husband had been having an affair with someone old enough to be your Mum and had refused to stop you might not look your best when you pop down to Lord Litchfield’s studio to have him take a snap or two would you?

Thinking about it the only time we haven’t seen a beautifully handcrafted tea towel to commemorate a royal wedding was at charles’ most recent wedding and that was because it is believed that constant exposure to images of the bride can put chickens off laying and frighten small children although it has to be argued that the same is true of the images on the tea towel above come to think of it because let’s face it creating a life like image on a tea towel is just a dream – but then surely people should be able to dream and not have the queen and the rest of the royals stop them!

As tea towels are so dreadful, this confused Cat presumes that the royal palace gift shops, perfectly and strategically located to prise even more money from visitors in royal palaces up and down the UK will stop selling their range of “impermanent” and “insignificant” merchandise namely tea towels.

Personally I am just glad that the royal family owned up and told us unsuspecting punters that they had been selling us crap all this time in their palace gift shops.

Below is a picture of one of the tea towels that the queen and the royal squad have decided is crap, it is described on the Historic Royal Palaces Shops website here Historic Royal Palaces Shops as the - Tea towel – Henry VIII and Wives – and as you can see for yourself if you go to the website this tea towel, which the queen hates so much, is available in all palace’s gift shops including Buckingham Palace just look in the souvenir section although it will probably appear in the “Must Go Sale” section soon and will be heavily reduced from its rrp of 4.99 ukp I expect!

The queen says this is crap.jpg

So what can I say even the royals think that the merchandise in their gift shops is rubbish and that means the best thing to do is to go to my website and treat yourself to something classy and totally unroyal here www.thecatsdiary.com my www – wickedly wonderful website!

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Dec 072010
 

Hi All,

As a successful blogger, website owner and general all round wonder I get a lot of spam – it comes to this blog, it comes to my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and it comes to my personal email address – thecat@thecatsdiary.com. Most of the spam is from some arse or the other advertising rubbish that wasn’t freely available before the internet you know the stuff replica designer crap badly made in China, doggy loans, equally dodgy insurance and very dodgy invitations to get rich quick Nigerian scams, escorts, pills that make bits of men err more err ‘prominent’ all of a sudden and so on.

However there are some spammers who try to make conversation or indeed pass a compliment about a brilliant Cat’s blog or www – wickedly wonderful website in the hope that vanity will prevail and the flattered feline will drop his guard for a moment and allow the spammer to comment on his blog say for instance, then the flood gates are open and the spammer can post any amount of annoying rubbish on what is a brilliant blog and in turn spoil it for all.

So I thought that I would, just for a moment, reward a spammer or two with “The Cat’s Two Finger Trophy” (yes it is remarkably like the Football World Cup Trophy but with Churchill’s golden saluting fingers sticking out of the top tee hee) and let the spammers know that although they stand about as much chance of getting through my security as I do of winning the Nobel Peace Prize their nonsense is read by me and then deleted.

Two Finger Trophy.png

The award for the most persistent spammer goes to – some arsehole at a betting site with over two hundred spams a month and rising. Happily this rubbish gets filtered out by a marvellous, friendly feline, but I’d blush if I was to tell you who that feline was!

The award for the worst google translate phrase from the original (probably Indian) goes to – some idiot at a Breitling Watch replica website. But it could also have come form the same address just insert a different ridiculously expensive designer watch product and you get the same replica rubbish, for “Your phrase is matchless…” when commenting on my ‘It Was Snowing!’blog?

The award for the most offensive spam goes to – Someone called ‘biking’ at a website for Irish escorts, sadly I can’t report here what they said because young people and Cats use this blog and my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com. Mind you! I would like to know if you were in the market for an ‘escort’ and I think we all know what one of those is, would you choose an Irish one?

The Award for the most nonsensical comment goes to some plonker at a Tattoo website for “Excuse, I have thought and have removed the idea”. Mmh how nice!

The Award for the most irrelevant comment goes to some Chinese site for – “For a long time I here was not.” I too for a long time I was here not especially when I am some where else place – what think you?

The Award for the best disguised spam goes to another escort agency for “Pretty interesting place you’ve got here. Thanks for it. I like such themes and anything connected to them. I definitely want to read more on that blog soon.”

Of course I would reproduce the web and email addresses for all my winners but that would sort of shoot myself in the paw don’t you think?

Still while we are on the subject of pests on the web aren’t Google doing everything they can to become as unpopular as Microsoft – just thought I would mention that! Here in the Czech republic they are not the dominant search engine and so they do everything to displace the search engine that is dominant called www.seznam.cz.

Google advertise at tram stops, on the metro, at the airport and whenever you log on to search on google (a rare event for me I use bing) you type in google.com in the address line expecting to go to a site in English and as the page loads google’s spy network realises that you are in the Czech republic and delivers google.cz which is annoying when it is in a language that this English and Cat speaker doesn’t understand and it does it every single time without fail – how annoying is that?

Just a quick note on the trophy design.

Being English I had to feel for the English in general even though I live in exile when first Russia and then Qatar won the world cup competition to host the game and earn vast amounts of money unless of course you are South Africa who lost billions – or should that be ‘lost’ billions?

The trouble with the English bid and the English is that they play by the rules – although I have to say I think that it showed just what a richard-head (dickhead to any adults reading) young prince Willie is when he said that three world cup delegates had personally promised him that they were voting for England and then in the final count England received just two votes and one was their own har ha – what an idiot and Cameron as well made an absolute twot of himself. (The word ‘twot’ is very much like the word ‘twat’ but the word twot can be used in mixed company har ha).

Two Finger Trophy.png

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Nov 152010
 

Yes it is true bookmakers have started to give rather short odds that one of the dreadful royal family will get married next year and as a result force a financially crippled nation to stump up an absolute fortune for the wedding – it is a tradition going back to the dawn of time almost that the ordinary people pay for the royal family’s little luxuries such as weddings and this one could end up being the most expensive wedding ever.

The Happy Couple.png

If the balding prince does marry it will be to his long time live in lover Kate the Hat Middleton, oddly enough bookmakers are not taking bets on just exactly the rather dreadful prince will finally go completely bald as you can see from the pictures below it is just a matter of time before he will dazzle crowds as his father and grandfather do.

This picture wasn’t taken that long ago and ‘pee-wuba’ as some call him had a nice crop of hair styled in the boy band mop of the day.

PW-Before.png

These days the threads are bare unfortunately – still that is what you get for shooting defenceless animals and being a royal or to put it another way a totally waste of space.

PW-After.png

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