Feb 202014
 

The answer is ‘DON’T’

Don’t under any circumstances give an idiot a sword or indeed any other weapon, but look what those bunch of monsters in Saudi Arabia have done! They have armed themselves and an idiot from England with the damn things.

Idiot with a sword

I have a feeling that this is the big ritual performed by the Saudi royal family before they chop off the head of a princess or two for wearing lippy, or secretly hiding a picture of Tom Cruise in their underwear drawer, though I am not sure and they are conflicting reports as to what the ugly bunch of sword wavers are actually doing.

If you read the international (non-British) press they heavily criticise the idiot from the UK who likes to dress up in fancy dress as commander in chiefs of this and that in the navy, army and air force and wear an imitation gold sword at his side and probably jumped at the chance of wearing a real gold sword at his side and having the opportunity to wave it about with all the other clowns.

However if you read the British press they will say that “prince charles joined members of the Saudi royal family for the Ardah – or sword dance – in the capital Riyadh.” Then they will go on to describe the outfit, called a ‘thobe’ if anyone cares? And then drone on about the number of sequins and jewels hand sown into the fools ankle length garment, yes that right a ‘thobe’ to you and I! I would say that the word ‘thobe’ could be used as a perfect description of what that moron from England looks like wearing traditional Arab dress… a right royal thobe in fact.

Idiot with a sword3

Just look at this pompous ‘prince’ oops I think I spelt ‘prick’ wrong there sorry!
Idiot with a sword 2

No wonder the Aussies and Kiwis want to ditch the British royals as their heads of states, because it won’t be long before this right royal thobe is their head of state too and has the opportunity to flounce around the world looking like the fool in the pictures above on their behalf.

I honestly didn’t think that the Aussies or Kiwis had such taste, all I can say is good luck to their campaign and fingers crossed that one day an enlightened British people, hopefully by that time minus Scotland (they deserve their independence they have suffered for long enough) do the same.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Mar 282011
 

As you may or may not be aware the British royal family is about to have a wedding, the marriage of St Diana the peoples princess’s son to someone or the other. The hope is that this time a royal marriage might be less disastrous than most of the family’s recent weddings which have not lasted long, caused enormous scandals, and even worried MI5 the British secret service and it is possible the happy couple have been more or less married in common law since they shacked up together at university.

So to celebrate ‘the occasion’ as some would call it, the merchandising department of Buckingham palace has been busy giving the regal nod, for a ‘consideration’ to all sorts of tat that is in the shops now, including some sort of dreadful game from the bride’s family who are as eager as the groom’s family to cash in on their daughter’s good fortune, as they probably see it.

Obviously with every merchandising ‘event’ from Disney Movies to well err Pixar movies the quality of the merchandising has to be monitored carefully by the rights holder so that the ‘right’ impression of the event and the status of those involved is forever carved in plastic.

The merchandising mangers in Buckingham Palace have been careful to ensure that the image of the ‘happy couple’ and their royal relations is one that creates the right impression and so they have only licensed “appropriate” merchandising.

Here for your delight, if you really adore rubbish, is a selection of the royal wedding merchandising that seems to have slipped through the net and not been given the royal seal of approval, which is odd because the selection beautiful sums up the regally happy couple, the family into which the bride is marrying and indeed the ‘entiresome’ event.

Let me explain the word ‘entiresome’ it’s a newly invented word (I invented it for this article in fact) and it’s used to explain, in one word, something that’s not only ‘entirely’ ‘tiresome’ but also everything that is to do with it is as well.

So here for your pleasure are just a few merchandising items that I think beautifully sum up the happy event with a commentary where ‘unnecessary’ tee hee!

If you are like me the first example of royal wedding tat is something you really couldn’t do without.

Sick

I am sure that you will agree with me I can’t understand why these uncannily lifelike moulded plastic replicas of the royal family and the happy couple weren’t approved by Buckingham Palace! It’s sad that a lot of Chinese workers hard work has it would seem gone to waste, still i believe there is one scrap of silver in the lining of the story and that is that the models are recyclable.

Lifelike

It is a mystery to me why these excellent single cup tea bags haven’t seen the royal nod, the images look, let’s face it, very much like the royal subjects especially wills and tea is the national drink of the UK.

Bags

Just look at the craftsmanship that went into producing the salt cellar below and then think about the poor souls who slaved away for little or no wages to help celebrate the happy occasion, I feel for these people when I think their exquisite commemorative condiments were not on the offical list of rubbish that is being sold to help everyone celebrate this ‘momentous’ occasion.

I have to say I am using the word ‘momentous’ in an entirely new what here because I hope that when used in the same sentences as the words ‘royal wedding’ it will come to mean something that is forgotten in a moment.

Idiot Salt

Last but not least The Cat and his friends have produced their very own tribute to the happily royal couple ladies and gentlemen we give you dave the Cat and Crown! Dave the Cat as always is elegant, tasteful and regal in a bobble hat.

Dave the Cat and Crown

If you would like to purchase a copy of Dave the Cat’s commemorative picture you can do so reply to this blog or write to me The Cat at thecat@thecatsdiary.com for details. If you have bought or want to buy any of the official or unofficial tat that is on sale to commemorate this happy occasion do let me The Cat know and I will arrange for someone to visit you and provide counselling.

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