Tag Archives: Signs

Killer Bees!

“The Warm Prompt…in order to avoid has the danger Thanaks your coordination”

The above nonsense comes from Taiwan which is odd, no not Taiwan, but the fact that I was talking about them yesterday and praising the people who come from Taiwan, (oh what do you call them – ah yes Chinese tee hee) and look what they go and do to a simple KEEP OUT sign!

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You know I couldn’t have put that better myself, dangerous Honey Bees are a danger that has to be avoided, sadly though it is the other way around, mankind is killing the Honey Bees with pollution and you better stop soon because even though Einstein was wrong when he said that “If the bee disappears from the surface of the earth, man would have no more than four years to live. No more bees, no more pollination … no more men!” he was almost right.

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Oh the reason why Mr Mad Hair was wrong was that most cereal crops such as Rice, Wheat and Corn that humans live on are actually pollinated by the wind and not Bees the planet would be an even worse place than it is now without Bees, no Honey, Fruits and so much more, though happily still Prawns.

I worry about a time when the fighting between humans breaks out about food who will fish for Prawns, I don’t think I can go without Prawns!

Anyway I have been wondering “A warm prompt” – what is one of those? You understand I don’t want one I just want to know if that is ok and while we are on the subject what other nonsense did Albert talk well here is a prime piece of rubbish straight from the scientists mouth try this flash of brilliance. “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour,” which proves we aren’t all perfect are we?

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What’s This? A Sign!

Signs and indeed labels are very important they impart crucial information that help you and I lead a normal life – well that’s the idea!

Sometimes things go wrong and you get ‘slippery pedestrians.’

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Or very strange plants!

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And then if you are unlucky enough to be in an Arab country you can enjoy a good dose of what the locals enjoy… oh sorry I can’t bring myself to type ‘Salticrax’ do you blame me?

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About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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The Cat Takes A Close Look At Road Signs

I can imagine the conversation between the dazed drive and the traffic cop after the (hopefully) small accident that this sign created all on its own!

Traffic Cop stands looking on bemused.

Driver pointing to undamaged yellow sign: “Turning left seemed right somehow officer!”

Turning Left Seemed Right Somehow.jpg

Ok so the next sign is not technically a road sign however before cars most highways were trails – yes I know that is a sort of tenuous introduction but I really like the Californian honesty behind this sign and so we couldn’t leave it out could we?

Californian Honesty.jpg

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Some Red Signs!

Obviously if you see a sign and it is printed in red it has to be important!

Here are two of the most ‘important’ signs I have ever seen.

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PS

The Circus sign comes from Austria – you think they would know better wouldn’t you? I won’t even bother to tell you where your children, if left unattended, will be sold to the Circus because the writing is a dead give away and the Chinese are not only really dreadful at manufacturing err ‘anything’ they are really rather cruel. Oops I seem to have told you the country anyway – silly me!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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Here Are Some More Signs For Christmas

There are some wonderful scenic areas in Tyne and Wear in the north east of the UK – I promise! That means that there is no reason at all for the Leisure Services Division of Chester-le-Street council to use hype or other forms of unnecessary marketing devices to get people to look at their surroundings but they obviously do! Or is that shamelessly they do!

The sign says it all - the breakdown in English manners education ...jpg

I personally can’t say I like this next sign; but I do wholeheartedly agree with its intentions which I think are designed to stop this sort of ‘behaviour’ because this sort of ‘behaviour’ is extremely unsavoury and of course it almost goes without saying is a national past time for men in the Czech republic and it should be stopped. I believe that because like most Cats I tend not to want to behave like this in public, we are very private waste product providers – it is a little like our charity work ‘anonymous.’

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Mind you probably the worst thing about this sign (sent to me by a ‘friend’ in Namibia, a country that if my geography etc., serves me correctly has a majority of Black residents/nationals), is that the person… err ‘performing’ is clearly a white man (might be Elvis in a boiler suit was my first thought).

Why, may I ask, when logic dictates that the people perpetrating this frowned upon or possibly illegal behaviour which obviously carries such a stringent penalty as detailed on the sign, is the guy having a pee white?

I am pretty sure that this sign would be considered racist in the Western World – but then what do I know I am only a humble Cat! Ok I don’t believe the ‘humble’ nonsense either har ha!

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This wonderful sign, made to the usual high and exacting standards of manufacture that the country is renowned for was sent to me by ‘ashamed’ of China – I supposed it touched him!

PLEASE READ WITH A JAPANESE ACCENT “Lough wha the sign writer done now!”

Rocker room.jpg

PLEASE READ WITH A JAPANESE ACCENT “Silly Plick!”

About the Genius Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in history, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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I Know You All Like My Sign Pictures

This clever Cat knows that you all like my sign pictures because when I post them the sales of my wonderful book seem to rise – it could be coincidence of course but just in case it isn’t I have found too excellent signs just for you and if you feel like buying my masterpiece of feline literature please don’t let me stand in your way just click here Amazon.com or here www.thecatsdiary.com my book makes a great Christmas present for someone you really love of course hint hint.

These signs are brought to you by two of my favourite English language muggers the first shows that the state controls everything in China in a very confused way of course.

State Control.jpg

I wonder why you would want to catch fish in private then have a romp in the water? The chinese are not only authoritarian they are weird as well!

The second ‘sign’ is from a menu from a small café in the Ukraine and describes a dish of a mother in law as far as I can tell I bet she isn’t any “illusion appetizer don’t you?

Yummy Mummy.jpg

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A Lot Of People Believe In Signs!

It is true a lot of people think that they see statues of major and minor deities and probably celebrities bleeding and doing all manner of rather revolting things and announce – “It’s a sign!”

Some humans I know believe that they get privileged information from ‘beyond’ – oddly enough the contact ‘beyond’ is often a native American Indian – and are deliriously happy to announce that they have had ‘a sign.’

I tend not to believe any of these ‘signs’ and as I continue to add to my collection of really very stupid signs I have discovered that I don’t believe in the old fashioned tin on a pole type physical signs these days either do you?

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I have to ask – what on earth does this sign mean? Do only Red Squirrels drive slowly? Do we have to really keep a look out for the Grey ones because they drive like lunatics? You tell me!

I would also like to know what they are smoking locally? Or is there something in the water in the Lake District of England – it’s where Beatrix Potter started talking to animals isn’t it, so there is definitely something wrong there?

“Oh look there is another Rabbit with clothes on – is that an everyday occurrence in the Lake District I wonder.

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It really makes you wonder doesn’t it. Ok before you say anything what so ever I know that I am a talking cat and could even be described as very slightly anthropomorphic (as it were) but I have never ever dressed up in human clothes deliberately, yes there was that incident in my wonderful book my devoted readers will recall when my disguise went a bit wrong and I ended up plastered in make-up wearing a rather flouncy wig but that was an error that a lot of you humans make all too often if you believe what is written in the press.

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Unusual Signs

Humans as I think I have said in my latest book at Amazon.com and any number of times on my wonderful blog are rather odd.

Humans display these oddities in all sorts of ways and one of the most novel ways is in sign language. I have been collecting some signs that have been erected all over the world by humans who have carefully and deliberately, it would seem, disengaged their brains before writing the sign.

Strange Dog - Aren't they All?.jpg

“Aren’t all Dogs strange?”

Don’t forget that Christmas is coming and giving someone a copy of my book would be an honour for both parties you can get an electronic version of my wonderful book at most ebook retailers online, at Amazon.com and of course my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com.

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“What a brilliant book cover it should be a sign!”

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