Tag Archives: Snow

Sad News!

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Today I am saying goodbye to Randolph the Mountaineering Cat who unfortunately yesterday met a mountain that he wasn’t able to climb successfully.

You know I met Randolph the Mountaineering Cat on his travels while I was doing research for my next book ‘The Travelogue,’ unfortunately the chapter with Randolph the Mountaineering Cat in it was ‘bought’ by the country where we met and so it won’t be in my next blockbusting book.

Actually I am finding that a lot of governments, mayors and anyone connect with countries, cities or towns which feature in my soon to be published Travelogue are ‘buying out’ chapters related to their countries, cities or towns so that they don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of being ‘exposed’ in what is the most honest travel book every written by a Cat!

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This purchasing of chapters means that the book is constantly getting smaller and in turn means that I in the interests of value for money have to keep traveling to new countries, of course the extra work is annoying but let’s face it the ‘hush money’ or as some call them ‘bribes’ come in very handy – just ask any african politician or sporting body committee member!

What I can say without breaking the confidentiality agreements I have pawed is that I first bumped into Randolph the Mountaineering Cat on the way to Nepal as he was enduring a stop over at a shabby and rather smelly airport in a rapidly developing country that will one day take America’s place as the leader of the world… sorry I have to stop there for two reasons the first is mentioned above and the second is that I am laughing so much I just can’t type.

After that, our paths seemed to cross as we went from country to country Randolph the Mountaineering Cat was off to climb yet another mountain and I was… well I actually can’t tell you too much about what I was doing or you won’t buy the next book and that would be a little like shooting myself in the Paw with a keyboard! Mmh ‘shooting myself in the paw with a keyboard’ doesn’t sound right does it? But I think you know what I mean.

You know in the short time that we had together Randolph the Mountaineering Cat and I got on rather well and shared a curry together and later the same toilet. It was then while we were both in a lot of pain that something he said stuck in my mind as the dysentery did its worst “chaps and Cats that suffer together form a bond that nothing can break!” I knew exactly what he meant and I also knew that I would possibly sometimes miss-quote Randolph the Mountaineering Cat but I would never forget him or what he said.

Sadly yesterday that bond was broken but not but me. I heard that Randolph the Mountaineering Cat was swinging one pawedly from snowy boulder to snowy boulder in a scree 6,000ft above Base Camp 3 when something went wrong and he slipped.

You know, we got on so well that I had even arranged for him to have ‘exploratory’ talks with my translator John Woodcock in the hope that with Randolph the Mountaineering Cat’s amazing adventures and our very own Mr. Woodcock’s feeble talent together they could produce a bestseller similar to my work a masterpiece of feline literary genius – ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ available here Amazon.com if you are one of the few people on planet earth who haven’t bought it yet and of course my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com where you can buy my book, read my blog and get so much more including loads of free online games both festive and not so festive.

It’s a shame and a great loss that as with Randolph the Mountaineering Cat that book is lost forever.

So in conclusion I would just like to say that Randolph the Mountaineering Cat was a fine Cat and a good friend and I know that it is not only me who will miss him because the world is a poorer place without him and his adventurous kind!

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Oh take all of what I said about Randolph the Mountaineering Cat back, he has just called me, he’s in town and we’re going out for Prawns on Friday. I asked him about the photograph and he said that it was the first in a series of ‘shots’ taken for a magazine of him clawing his way to the summit of Katmandu.

Apparently the photoshoot was supposed to be ‘dramatic,’ I didn’t have the heart to tell him how ‘dramatic’ the story that was that I was given about the first picture in the series! I don’t know you can never trust the media these days. Still I am looking forward to catching up with Randolph the Mountaineering Cat almost as much as I am looking forward to the Prawns.

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I’ve Gone All Christmasy And Put Loads Of New Free On-Line Games On My Site

From today until somewhere around the 12th day of Christmas, or the end of January if I am feeling a little ‘Russian,’ (because the Russians celebrate the New Year’s holiday until almost the end of January) you will be able to celebrate Christmas with me on my www – wickedly wonderful website because I have added a lot of Christmasy treats like flashing Christmas lights and falling. But don’t take my word for it check out the snow and Christmas lights for yourself here www.thecatsdiary.com.

And not only do the Christmas lights flash but if you are getting more than a little frustrated by the Christmas crowds in the shops, the cost of all the Christmas presents you have to buy for people you hardly know and generally drowned in Christmas spirit you can get your own back on my perfect website just run your cursor over the pretty flashing Christmas lights and see what happens – tee hee!

No please don’t thank me it is all in a day’s work for a techno Cat who simply wants to entertain humans everywhere. Oh and of course to get them to buy his book which luckily you can do on my marvellous site www.thecatsdiary.com or here Amazon.com and if you want to order multiple copies well who am I to stand in your way? I’m far to fabulous and polite to do that!

I suppose most websites that aren’t www-wickedly wonderful websites, run by a clever, kind and cuddly Cat would just stop there with a few flashing Christmas lights and some expensive special effects!

But and it is a big Christmas ‘but,’I am a Cat you loves to give and of course entertain and that means that I have gone that extra mile for my readers this Christmas or as they would have it in Europe I have gone the extra kilometre and added even more of my amazingly popular online games, these on-line games are as usual free, fun and fully tested by me, I loved them as I know you will so enjoy them and if they help you cope with Christmas or indeed pass the time until ‘the’ day and you get your pressies that is all I ask for – apart from the “buying my book bit of course tee hee!”

Not all of the free on-line games are Christmasy play the Ice Slide Game and you can catapult your favourite unsuspecting polar animal as far as you can into the snowy distance. Obviously you have to help that nice polar animal avoid the snowy hazards as he or she flies through the air – did anyone say addictive? They certainly did!

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The more Christmasy Free On-line Games include:

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Holly A Christmas Tale Delux

A great game where you can enjoy a new version of what is regarded as a true holiday classic!

Holly: A Christmas Tale Deluxe tells the story of a young woman who falls asleep on Christmas Eve and dreams that she is helping Santa Claus deliver toys to children around the world. But is she really asleep? Or is what is happening real?

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The Toy Factory

Where you help Simon the Elf recover all the toys of Santa before midnight because by midnight the presents have to start being delivered and Simon is nowhere near ready and worried what Santa will say when he finds out!

I have added many more free on-line games, but don’t let me spoil the surprise just on just click here The Cat’s Game Page and you can always be sure that The Cat’s games are exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.

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I’m A Bit Late With This News

It is true I am a bit late with this news and there are two reasons for that, the first is that I have been thinking very hard about the momentous achievement that is in this piece of news and secondly well we’ll get to that…

When I heard this news at first I though “huh…and!” Which of course is not a good place to start when considering Universe shattering (literally) news.

Then as I started to digest the news that scientists at the Large Hadron Collider (which lies under the lower priced areas of Swiss real estate next to France) have come the closest ever to re-enacting the beginning of the Universe (and we are talking about the Big Bang here and not some godlike being with a cement mixer) reproducing conditions a millionth of a second after the Big Bang I thought to myself “Makes you wonder why they didn’t go for the exact moment of the Big Bang rather than a millionth of a second after the Big Bang?”

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What stopped them going right back to the beginning? The scientists have a very big machine – collider thingy! They have shed loads of cash, probably expresso coffee machines, a nice staff canteen and I’ll wager Prawns on tap! But still they didn’t go for the ‘big one’ the exact moment of the Big Bang. Was this some flaw in the character of the lead scientists, too cautious to stretch that little bit farther I wondered?

The I started to wonder (yes I did a lot of ‘wondering’ but then this is ‘wonderful’ isn’t it?) what did they get out of all of the time, money and commitment expended? The answer is a computer generated picture (below) and frankly not the best picture of a Big Bang I have seen!

If you want a great picture of the Big Bang then just look at the picture below the scientist’s one – it is the cover of a book/animated movie pitch that my translator John Woodcock is working on about some prehistoric dogs called Desmond, Denis and Dwight the ‘Dino Dogs’ frankly I think that is a much better, more interesting illustration and we all know his ‘limitations’ don’t we bless him!

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The Dino Dogs at the Beginning of Time an animated movie – the Dino Dogs are also available for parties, speeches and lamp post washing.

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Then after all that thinking (and don’t forget the ‘wondering’) I eventually thought to myself ‘I don’t really care what the pictures look like science is a wonderful thing and the Large Hadron Collider is brilliant and better still it is located under France and Switzerland and if it does happen to blow up anytime in the future it probably won’t affect yours truly and that frankly is the most wonderful news!’

LATE NEWS

I have some excellent news about my wonderful masterpiece of a book. My publisher put down his wine glass the other day, sobered up for a while and “arranged to send Amazon a new load of books” or that is what he said!

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Yesterday I contacted Amazon who were, as I said the other day, panicking about meeting demand and supply etc., and they say that they have received the consignments and tucked them safely away in their warehouses in the US, Australia and the UK all of which means that my fans won’t be disappointed you can of course order a book here Amazon.com or if you want to put more of the cash in my pocket then you can get the ebook or the paper version at my www – wickedly wonderful website – www.thecatsdiary.com.

It is good news that they got to the UK warehouse to beat the little bit of snow they had – there has been about an inch of snow in the UK and of course that means that the roads are blocked, trains aren’t running and worst of all the BBC Breakfast News has dedicated itself to the snow and the problems it has caused – what a shame this ‘world leading power,’ the UK and not the BBC obviously. is brought to its knees by an inch or two of snow!

Maybe instead of acting like a ‘world power’ which it no longer is, the UK should stop lending $13 billion to Ireland, sending aid money to India and China and invest in a little bit of salt and snowplows for the roads – you know do something for the poor devils trying to get to work, school and of course the airport to get out of the place who read my blog on a daily basis and who I care for as thought they are family and are now sitting abandoned in Cars, Trains and the staff accommodation of Sevenoaks railway station with only the ever dreadful BBC to listen to!

Here in Prague in the Czech Republic (for the geographically challenged) it was minus 12C overnight it has been snowing on and off for four days and the snow is thick and crunchy and it’s also cleared from all of the major roads, most of the other roads that matter, and the sidewalks as well, even as I write this blog the little orange van that comes around to empty the trash bins on the sidewalk has stopped to empty the bin – today it has been fitted with a snowplow and has a grit spreader on the back clever eh? Well no not according to the British who would say that the Czech Republic is ex-communist and therefore a bit backward and nowhere nears as modern as the UK!

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It Was Snowing!

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Today I got up just like any other normal day, hopped out of the bedroom window and into the very tall Pine tree outside. A devastatingly dangerous maneuver which I accomplish every day with not only elegance but also bravery and most of all style.

Outside it had started to rain and the Pine needles were giving off a sort of ‘Badedas’ aroma which if you happen to know what ‘Badedas’ actually is will tell you that I paused for a little while to enjoy the Pine Freshness while I got lightly soaked, but it was worth getting wet just to breath in the aroma.

After I had wriggled and squirmed my way down the centre of the tree, in a sort of worm like ‘on your belly like action’ I stepped out onto the grass which was wet and really very cold, actually I think that was when I noticed that the rain was very cold and to be honest it wasn’t really rain anymore it was sleet. I have always thought that sleet was nasty and insidious stuff which creeps into you fur and makes even a warm cuddly Cat feel cold.

To shelter from the sleet and try to stay warm I hopped, skipped and jumped under the cover of some beautiful white Chrysanthemums and started to – err well how can I put it? I did what I do every morning and night and sometimes at midday depending upon how the fancy takes me and my um, err ‘needs.’

No! You still haven’t worked out what I was doing? Humans! I was going to the toilet of course! Cats prefer an outdoor convenience whenever possible and so would you if you had to scrape around in a litter tray and although I don’t like plugging my wonderful book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cats Diary” the Cat being me of course – you can read all about litter trays in it and if the fancy takes you buy it here Amazon.com and if you don’t want to feed a giant multinational you can always feed a really good looking Cat and get a copy from my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com.

So I was doing my ‘business’ as my Mum used to call it – she didn’t actually she was far to mock posh for that, but it is a great euphemism don’t you think? Then the sleet turned to snow right there in front of my eyes, now wonder the rain had been so cold nature was working herself up into a frosty frenzy!

I can tell you that I very quickly did a cover up that most politicians would envy, and made a snowy dash for the Pine tree and the warmth of my bedroom.

Have I mentioned my translator John Woodcock I do quite often in my wonderful book (see above) he is not the most exceptional member of the human race and when you humans actually finish your ‘race’ I expect him to be very close to the back. Like most marathon runners these days he will get a medal because have you noticed any idiot who can stumble across any ‘open’ charity marathon after 12 or so hours still ‘wins’ something! Only humans could do that because everyone has to be a winner – you are all quite mad.

Oops I interrupted myself didn’t I! Where was I – oh yes my translator, mmh guess what my ‘gifted’ translator did today, just to annoy me I think? He closed the window, yes of course it was the window I had so elegantly, stylishly and bravely leapt from only minutes before and indeed the window I use up to three times a day unless I have ‘eaten something’ if you know what I mean and have to use it more regularly and in a hurry.

Me? Oh you’re concerned. You want to know what happened next and in particular to ‘me’ – you are so kind and of course the best sort of humans – my cuddly fans. I bumped my cold nose on the close icy unforgiving glass that is what happened to ‘me!’

Then I sat on the very cold and extremely wet windowsill and got annoyed. When that didn’t work I pawed at the window in frustration and when that failed I cried as pitifully as I could! You must know that sound it’s the stock and trade of any trapped, bored or playful Cat, the “I’m stuck up a tree sound.”

It’s brilliant and works every time, usually a fire engine will turn up and I had great expectations for that very occurrence, passers by were stopping and pointing into the sky and ‘windoward’ (if that is a word).

Unfortunately, because I like a scene, the fire brigade or Hasiči as the fire brigade are called here in the Czech Republic didn’t attend this Cat emergency because the idiot translator heard the very loud cries of the Cat on the windowsill – namely me of course. The noise may have broken some windows somewhere and caused nightmares in little children but in my defence I believe that the volume of the screams was merely proportional to the emergency.

The window opened (though I noticed not very wide, obviously to not let in the cold and snow hrrumph!) and I scampered in making as much noise as I could while running over the bed covers, polished desk and scatter rugs, then with a flourish to finish the polished hardwood floor. It is astonishing just how much mud one can collect on four paws and then distribute liberally around someone’s home if ‘one’ is very annoyed.

As usual in these circumstances there were some benefits on the fringe and quite right too I say – I was given a bowl full to the brim of fresh Prawns which was nice, but I expect more this afternoon and some Tuna would help to salve my dented pride for supper and if it isn’t too much trouble to ask i would be delighted if the window was left open while I am outside taking my ‘constitutional’ as Gladstone or Queen Victoria probably called ‘it.’

There is one thing that you may be able to help me with dear reader because this question has always bugged the paws off me because I just can’t seem to find the answer and you all know that I am a genius which of course makes all of this even more frustrating – who is Christmas Carol and why is she so famous at Christmas, and what on earth does she do for the other 48 weeks of the year?

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A Quick Update!

I thought that you might like to have a quick update and discover just how many Caribbean well deserved breaks I have been offered, none is the sorry answer and frankly I am disappointed I expected more of my lovely fans.

Worse the light rain has turned to sleet outside and that seems to be getting heavier and that means snow, just what the doctor didn’t order I can tell you.

So come on my rich and wonderful fans or even my wonderfully rich fans don’t be shy make me an offer I can’t refuse and help me to recover from this terribly long winter under a shady palm tree on a white sandy beach.

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It Stopped Snowing Here

Did you notice that it stopped snowing on my website and my blog? Hope so it was nice while it lasted but frankly I think that you my lovely fans probably got a little bored with it didn’t you?

If you did get bored with the snow then you will probably sympathise with my plight here in the heart of Europe, it had been snowing since just before Christmas and then it stopped after two months when it was impossible for yours truly to even attempt to peer over the top of the stuff.

When it stopped I thought to myself thank goodness for that what a relief and all of the things that you think to yourself in that sort of situation, but guess what? It started again, then it thawed and then it started again and in between since Christmas we have had probably two days free from snow and that frankly is just too much to bear.

So I have decided that I would like one of my rich fans to invite me to a warm sunny (preferably Caribbean) place for a bit of a holiday I think I deserve it.

Do let me know what you can offer and I will in turn inform the lucky fan when I want them to book the travel.

In the meantime have a great Spring, it has started hasn’t it?

We’re A Bit Worried Here!

It’s Ginger! Well it would be wouldn’t it, he seems to have slipped away during the party, not it is ok not that sort of slipped away like when people talk about you after you have frozen in the path of an oncoming car for too long, not he popped out with some friends.

I have uploaded the most recent picture of Ginger I could find in a hurry it is from his failed or as he put it “yet to be refined” walking on air experiment.

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Actually one or two of the slack mouths around here said that Ginger and his friends had gone off somewhere to enjoy an eight of Catnip but I don’t think that can be right he hates the stuff, well since the overdose that is!

I have every faith, including probably a lot of misplaced faith, that he will turn up somewhere, he always does, unless he is angry for some reason then he can sulk for ages but don’t worry his butt is worse then his bite, if you know what I mean and I think I do!

The trouble is that it is still snowing here and has been since before Christmas and it is cold enough to really annoy any brass monkey, so if Ginger is outside he could be completely Cap’n Scott by now couldn’t he? If you know what I mean!

It was something of an anniversary for the good Cap’n Scott and the lads recently, I believe it was one or two hundred years since they decided to see if you could get to the South Pole just wearing a string vest, knitted mittens and a smile.

Sadly some Norwegians had beaten him to the South Pole in a Volvo and left what they thought was a funny note “We beat you here” it said, obviously Norwegians are better at Polar exploring than telling jokes.

But the good news for Cap’n Scott and his chums was that when news of their deaths reached Britain they all instantly became heroes. It is the British way to make heroes out of failures and legends out of disasters, hence Gordon of Khartoum who faced millions of really annoyed ‘fuzziwuzzies’ as people, such as the good people of Khartoum, were called back in ‘Chinese Gordon’s’ time (that was his nickname, no I don’t know why either).

It is understood that General Gordon who instantly became “Gordon of Khartoum” died because of an unfortunate clerical misprint and a dreadful diplomatic error!

It is believed that the thousands of people who gathered outside General Gordon’s offices waving spears and wearing frowns were actually complaining about their gas bills and had simply gone to the wrong address – the one at the top of their gas bills.

Chinese Gordon, annoyed at the noise outside went out to meet the rabble with a loaded pistol which he emptied into the crowd.

Not long after General Gordon’s death the gas company quietly changed the address on the gas bills and the British government instructed all British residents living in foreign countries not to answer their doors with a loaded pistol.

Needless to say in true Dunkirk spirit General Gordon was brought home and buried with full honours, his actions were rewritten and a painting was produced to ‘assist’ the new ‘facts’ and another British legend was born.

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Of course it isn’t only personal disasters that the British celebrate, bless them, by rewriting history and creating heroes, just read about British military history and you’ll learn all about The Charge of the Light Brigade, Dunkirk, Operation Market Garden and many more glorious military escapes, and of course the idiots involved and in charge of those farces were all promoted!

To tell the truth – and of course Cats can be relied on to do just that, which is at times a bit of a chink in our character armour as far as I am concerned – this good looking Cat has a bit of a soft spot for poor old Cap’n Scott because he was obviously a bit of a character as I am sure were his pals, if you want to read an extract from his ‘alternative’ diary there is a little snippet in my wonderful best selling book “Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” which is available at all really great bookstores and of course Amazon.com.

There are quite a few snippets of diary of famous British failures who of course are national heroes in the UK, well I had run out of things to write and so I thought, now what would Livingstone say here and the rest is a best seller.

By the way Ginger has just turned up, he wasn’t outside at all, apparently he had another of his little ‘episodes,’ he said that he slipped into the airing cupboard and got entangled in a pair or probably two pairs of ladies (I presume) tights!

I wonder about Ginger sometimes, he has been wrapped up in nylons for three days and didn’t try to very hard to escape, that is odd isn’t it, it isn’t just me, is it?

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Does Being Cold Make You Aggressive?

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I think that the snow might be making me aggressive, what about you? Yes you? I am talking to you! Why are you ignoring me! Wanna paw sandwich – oops see what I mean!

So to take my mind off the cold and hopefully to become less aggressive I thought we should talk about one of my specialist subjects – fish!

Fish is or is that are? Anyway fish is always a great topic of conversation amongst Cats and as amazing as it may seem I have never ever run out of things to talk about when talking about fish in particular or in general.

It is true to say that the Japanese and I have a lot in common with our love of fish and in particular with our mutual love and of course respect for raw fish (especially cold raw fish) I have to say it is my favourite, and the way it feels as it slithers down your throat is… well it raises the fur on my back I can tell you.

Because I like fish so much you can often see me at Sushi bars fighting people who are not much taller than me for a Sushi roll or ten. Yes the Japanese take their fish as seriously as I do and have been known to come to blows where fish is concerned, but then so do other nations, have you got enough grey hair to remember the Icelandic Cod Wars? Iceland and the UK fought over fish with the same animosity as they are fighting over ‘funds’ now.

I do like Sushi bars as I mentioned by occasionally I get a little mesmerised by the food as it gets conveyed passed me, and on one occasion when I fell onto the conveyor belt I was selected as a ‘dish of the day’ by some Chinese tourists.

When this happens I can tell you it is not nice, which bring me to a point or two of sorts, first the Japanese eat too much fish and don’t leave enough for me, especially Blue Fin Tuna because they are becoming extinct poor things and secondly why do the Chinese tuck into Cat that’s what this good looking Cat would like to know?

Here are some facts that I think are just terrible, in Guangdong as many as 10,000 cats are eaten everyday! That’s not nice is it?

The trade in Cat and Dog meat in China alone is worth $950 million a year, and speaking for 50% of the menu I think that it is time to stop this and do it quickly!

Mind you I suppose if this was a fish’s blog then it might be focused on the amount of fish eaten each day around the world, now that sounds yummy – sorry ‘fishies’ that was in bad taste wasn’t it!

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Bonus Blog – Read Here Please!

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In response to one contributor I have added a special bonus blog today which is of course free of charge but if you feel ‘disposed’ after you have relieved yourselves you can send a donation to help keep this blog free?

Sorry I got confused with the free Wikipedia service for a moment and didn’t manage to comment on the word disposed did I?

It has always seemed to me that the word – ‘disposed’ that is – is not used nearly enough, we often hear the someone or the other is ‘indisposed,’ but rarely if ever that they are back up and running and are now ‘disposed’ to do whatever it is that we were all disappointed that they didn’t do in the first place.

Assuming you followed that last sentence then the next leap of logic is just a small very manageable one, here hold my paw and let’s jump together!

So if there is a word disposed STOP I checked there is! Then it is a little redundant and under used, and that is sad for a word it has to be said, yes the word has to be said and of course the comment has to be said as well, it is sad for a word to be so neglected.

In my role as self appointed “Shepherd of the English Language” I feel that it is my duty to herd words like ‘disposed’ back into general use and I am sure that you will agree I am doing a pretty good job with the word ‘disposed’ aren’t I?

The trouble with ‘disposed’ I think is that when you hear that someone is ‘indisposed’ it sort of suggests that they have a lot of troubles doesn’t it?

Ok I usually think that someone who is ‘indisposed’ is stuck in the loo and is not able to complete the task that they went in there for, if you see what I mean and using the most polite way to describe what they went into the loo for without saying that they went off for a poo and couldn’t! Oops!

So if we generally agree on what ‘indisposed’ means or what it suggests to us simple folk then imagine if we were to hear that the Queen, a Film Star or a Politician (have fun and insert a name here) was ‘disposed’ we would for, hopefully, a very brief moment imagine them sighing with relief as, how can I put this, “things happened!”

Not a pretty sight in the mind’s eye is it, but then I have to insist that it is not the fault of the word ‘disposed’ that we think like that is it, it is of course because of our over active imagination and of course the knowledge that ‘poo’ jokes work on every level!

Anyway I am glad we cleared that up, the real point of the bonus blog, yes this one, is that I mentioned that it was Snowing and ‘V’ cold here metrically and um-di-dum-dit-itly (what is the opposite of metric I don’t know)!

Anyway some kind reader the type I like who has bought, read and enjoyed my blockbusting book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary” written by this good looking Cat I have to confess and available here Amazon.com asked me to describe what it was like outside in the snow and frost at home in snowy Tunbridge Wells and so because I always do what my faithful readers suggest, blindly and stupidly as it turned out!

Earlier today I went outside into a very white world, I did a better job of Capt’n Scott of Antartic fame in getting to my objective across the ice and snow, in my case my objective was the top of the drive and the very peaceful and deserted road.

When I got to the top of the drive I looked out over the landscape it was very white, soft, curvy and clean, like a 1940’s B Moviestar’s bum. Carefully I felt the ice beneath my paws and was just about to lick the snow, as instructed once again, when I slipped and fell over.

As I slid down the footpath I bumped into Mrs. Plasticmac who you may have heard of if you have bought my book, she is the Cat rescuing cretin from across the road and down a bit, she slipped and joined me on the ground and we both slid down the hill like a mis-matched Winter Olympic Bobsleigh team that had turned over on the first bend and were still hurtling down the course because we were trapped inside and far too incompetent to do anything about our situation.

It was as always just my luck to see out of the corner of my eye a massive snow plow heading up from the direction of the Chief Constable’s house.

The snow plow was upside down which I thought was a little odd, but then I realised that it wasn’t upside down at all and worse we Mrs. Plasticmac and I were going to be snow blown any second now.

This was a first for me as it happened and of course after it happened I was too dizzy to ask if Mrs. Plasticmac had ever been blown in the snow before? But then as she was in shock she probably wasn’t in any fit state to comment, talk or indeed stop making odd squeaking noises and dribbling.

Me! Oh I was ok, thanks for asking! As the lighter of the two objects ‘blown’ by the snow plow’s blower I somehow got caught up in Mrs. Plasticmac’s sensible tweed skirt and (unfortunately) thermal underwear and so I missed most of the nastier bits of the snow blowing experience, although until I crawled out of Mrs. Plasticmac’s under things I thought I had gone blind because it was so dark in there!

Still I slipped out easily enough, hopped onto the branch of a tree and carefully climbed down from the roof back to the safety of the ground and into the warm arms of a nice friendly neighbour.

Mrs. Plasticmac had, I thought decided to take the opportunity of clinging to a neighbour’s chimney to take in the view out across the snow covered fields and woodland and I had to admire her, it was jolly cold up there and as a wind had got up and it was beginning to snow heavily rather game of her I thought!

As usual the Firemen were wonderful and in a jiffy, well three hours, is not a jiffy I know, but there was a blizzard to contend with of course they started the ‘recovery’ operation. And what a very complicated operation it was to recover Mrs. Plasticmac.

The Firemen used a blowtorch to melt the bits of Mrs. Plasticmac’s clothing that had become completely frozen to the chimney and after quite a while, I have to say, they managed to get her down.

You know I was happy for Mrs. Plasticmac in two ways, that was the second time she had been blown in a day, which probably for her was something of a record, and of course she would have something interesting to talk about at coffee mornings now, well after she leaves hospital of course.

Isn’t it funny there is always a bright side to everything you just sometimes have to really root around to find it don’t you?

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Snow Here Too – But Cruel Snow

Much as I don’t want to wobble on about snow because I know that most of Europe has the stuff and the skies across the world are filling up with the more so that it can be dumped on us all over night. But I did want to just quickly mention the snow here and that is because it is cruel snow!

Why is it ‘cruel snow’ I hear you ask? Well take a look at this photograph of some poor pensioners who were caught in the snow this morning while waiting for a bus into Prague, poor things they were going on a grumbling and barging tour of the shops.

Happily by the time I went out to take the (probably award winning) picture the sun had come out and the sky was blue, it was chilly though and I got cold paws.

Honestly I don’t know what they are going to do with the poor frozen pensioners but I have noticed some really rubbish ‘installation art’ here and there in Prague and so they could use the frozen pensioners as that? It’s just an idea of course. Not much of a way to spend Christmas though is it!

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