Jul 202012
 

Today, July 20, 1969, America achieved something amazing, astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the surface of the Moon. And below is a marvellous photograph of his footprint in the lunar dust.

Neil Amrstrong Foot Print

So much for all of the idiots who say that this monumental event was staged!

Buzz Aldrin photographed by Neil Armstrong 20 July 1969

Sadly as far as this Cat is aware, neither the people who came up with the peculiar idea that the lunar landing was a hoax or just a publicity stunt, nor the daft people who have blindly repeated this nonsense over the years have achieved anything on this day July 20th or indeed at any day in the past.

Of course before any humans ever went into space animals had been there already. There is no truth in the rumour that any of these animal pioneers from the very beginning of spaceflight there volunteers. On the contrary animals had no choice in the matter whatsoever they were simply bundled up and tied down in the cockpits of various rockets destined for the heavens.

The first animal in space was a rhesus monkey called Albert I, he was blasted off from White Sands, New Mexico on June 11, 1948, in a V-2 Blossom rocket. Of course if you look at the V-2 Blossom rocket closely, you’ll note that it is actually the same as the ones used to ‘bomb’ London towards the end of the war.

Albert II V2 launch

Now I am not suggesting that these were exactly the same rockets that made such an impact on London or that the ones that hit London were a result of what is called ‘friendly fire.’ But I am suggesting that the Nazi technology which vanished from Germany at the end of the war turned up in New Mexico along with the scientists who had planned to use these V-2 rockets to completely re-arrange the landscape of London!

For those of you who like Cats, the nicest people in the world as far as I am concerned, I thought I would mention that the first Cat to be launched into space, very much against his will, was called Felix. Felix made a brief but successful flight on October 18, 1963 and Felix happily was landed successfully after a parachute descent.

Felix

Sadly the rocket which was carrying the second Cat to be launched into space by the French, just six days, later ran into difficulties that prevented recovery. No one knows what happened to the Cat sadly.

All wasn’t so bad for the SpaceCats though because the French government had quite a few Cats in intensive training for possible space flight in 1963. Unfortunately ten had to sacked or as the French government put it ‘decommissioned’ the official reason rather embarrassing is that under the strict training regime the Cats put on too much weight to be able to fit into the spacecraft. I have to say that I admire those ten almost as much as Felix don’t you?

This episode also reinforces the idea that the Cats used in the french space programme were starts from the streets of Paris and if they were I am sure they made the most of their good fortune.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jul 192012
 

While I was away or possibly asleep the Chinese have been beavering away building space rockets and even a space station. It goes without saying that they have given their space craft silly names like the “Long March” and probably “Mao’s Delight” but amazingly considering how badly they make products for western consumption their rockets are achieving low Earth Orbit.

Of course we shouldn’t encourage the Chinese by congratulating them because they might get carried away attempt to do something spectacular and actually relevant in space and not just copy the Russian and the Americans achievements from the 60’s and 70’s then over reach their abilities, which we all know are desperately limited you only have to open a newly purchased box of some electronic something or other to know that!

Still you have to hand it to the Chinese they are sending their Sinonauts, as they call their Astronauts, into space quite regularly and under their own power unlike the Americans sadly, but then that has more to do with the cash they have earned from the west than any other reason I suppose.

All of which brings me on nicely to a picture I saw, and was touched by, this week. It’s of three brave members of the party and army (of course) one of whom had not only to be qualified and fit enough to get fired into space but also to had to be married and had a baby (guess which one). Surely these requirements are a little odd for anyone wanting to go into space aren’t they well that is what I thought.

The picture that caught my attention was of the brave trio, one of whom was married and had had a baby, saluting, I don’t actually know who or possibly what they were saluting but that is not important. What I thought was important and rather touching was that the three, as you can plainly see, were allowed to take their Cats into space, safely housed in their Cat carriers for the journey.

I think that the Chinese authorities have been rather nice in allowing their Sinonauts to do that and in addition I think that it is such a wonderful co-incidence that all of the Sinonauts on this mission to nowhere own Cats, although the Cat carrier of the lady Sinonaut might be adapted to carry the baby that she had to have had to qualify for the journey mighten it!

Sinonauts and their Cats


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 122011
 

First of all it is Yuri Gagarin day today and I have to say that he was really a very cool human. The first human in space is a pretty big thing, but then on the other paw humans were beaten into space by Monkeys, Dogs and Cats some of whom not only made it into space but returned back to the Earth like Yuri Gagarin.

Yuri Gagarin 12 April 1960

It’s sad to think that the humans who helped all of those brave animals into space didn’t always have a plan for their return and all too many Cats, Dogs and Monkeys died in order to make sure that it was safe for mankind to tiptoe into the stars.

Belka Strelka

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Mar 022011
 

Ok so Russia is fabled for its high level of Vodka consumption but very sober air traffic controllers in the cold east of Russia recently claimed that they were ‘buzzed’ by a UFO travelling at 6000 mph – yes ‘6000 mph.’

And (it gets worse) when they spoke to the pilot she replied “with a female sounding alien voice in a language that was unintelligible but sounded Cat-like,” said one air traffic controller who probably needed at least a double Vodka or five to calm his nerves.

The Cat has decided to call out latest extra terrestrial visitors ‘Catliens’ and hopes that they are just a little more interesting and indeed ‘real’ than ET, who made one great movie but was never heard of ever again! Makes you wonder what Steven Spielberg did with the poor little guy doesn’t it?

The speed of the craft is almost as exceptional as the language of the pilot – what a shame I wasn’t there to translate, maybe I will be called into act as a consultant now that would be a nice little earner wouldn’t it – because it was travelling so fast. If you earthlings look here on Wikipedia you’ll see that the fastest manmade aircraft, the rather terrifying looking, Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird #61-7958 set the fastest time every by a man made jet on 28th July 1976 of 2,193.2 mph while being flown by Capt. Eldon W. Joersz and Maj. George T. Morgan.

Lockheed SR 71 Blackbird

The UFO was assigned a numerical code on the Russian radar of 00000 because the air traffic control system could not identify the aircraft and it can be seen clearly in the picture below flying straight towards the capital of the region Yakutsk. On the picture below I have circled the ‘object’ in red so that you can see it easily!

Radar Image of UFO

The air traffic controller told a passing Aeroflot pilot “I kept hearing some female voice, as if a woman was saying mioaw-mioaw all the time.” Unfortunately as you will hear on the video, which I have
posted on my www.wickedly wonderful website’s new video page my new Video page the air traffic controller’s contact with the Aeroflot pilot was disrupted by interference from the UFO as though it was jamming it – ‘da dah da’ sorry that is not a lot of russian ‘yes’s’ it is obviously a musical accompaniment to a significant fact!

Last night there was no comment from airport officials on the Catlien UFO contact, the video or indeed anything but then we were talking to Russians, which is odd because although the video has only recently come to light it was made some time ago (and surely they would have had time to get their story straight wouldn’t they?) because you can’t see any snow outside the control tower windows and currently Yakutsk is covered in the stuff with an air temperature of minus 30C and that is how it will be for eight months of the year.

Of course some experts, and frankly some people who are totally the opposite, claim that it is widely known that UFOs have made contact and landed on Earth but details have never been made public, is this the first time we, the more general public have made ‘contact?’ Actually that would be nice because ‘Contact’ was a great movie and little what’s her name who starred in it hasn’t really worked since, no let me correct that she hasn’t done anything as good since ‘Contact!’

Oh by the way I thought that I would mention that when I do chat to the other super intelligent Catlike beings I will put in a good word for most humans, but of course a Cat has to live (preferably in luxury) and if anyone feels like chipping in with the expenses then now, I strongly recommend, is ‘the’ time because you’ll go to the top of my list.

If you want to know the things I like you could do some research by reading my book Getting Out – Excerpts Cat’s Diary and you can get it here Amazon.com or you could read my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and of course it should go without saying that you must make sure that you get my next book which should be in the shops very soon it’s a brilliantly written ‘Travelogue.’

One thing I can assure you earthlings of is that, as yet, I haven’t travelled away from our planet, that is the planet that will belong to Catkind very soon of course it used to be called Earth though as yet we Cats haven’t actually agreed on a new name for our planet.

I can assure you it definitely won’t be called ‘Planet Fish’ as Dave the Cat suggested. He is more annoying than usual after eventually grasping the fact that the new overlords of the earth will be err… us and now keeps making buzzing noises and has stuck a wire coat hanger and two knitting needles into the top of his woolly hat and keeps repeating “I am an alien give me your fish earthling!” Then he throws his wonderful toy Space Rocket, which he got here from my friends at Mad Cat Toys, into the air and whistles like a Pig – or is it more like a Banker – I can never tell the difference.

If you want to do the same as Dave the Cat or just own one of these wonderful toy Space Rockets then do please click the little link that rather convenient says “Mad Cat Toys” on my blog and you will be whizzed there to choose your Space Rocket and more and I’ll get a very small ‘consideration’ for sending you there which is nice isn’t it?

Or if you can’t see the nice little logo of a Mad Cat then click here blog.thecatsdiary.com and you will be taken to my blog’s main page and “hey presto!” As magicians say when they are annoying Rabbits – you will see it!

If you want to see the whole Catlien experience do click here and watch the video on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page where you can actually see that the UFO is travelling at a much faster speed than any of the aircraft nearby.

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