Mar 132012
 

Summer is coming, well after Spring of course but it will be here soon enough and frankly I can’t wait for a bit of warmth and some serious eating Al Fresco.

The other day I saw a picture which I thought I would share with all of my wonderful cuddly readers, it’s of Barbecue Tiger Prawns coated in a Soy sauce and then when you have finished Barbecuing the giant tasty treats you dip them in a mixture of Soy sauce and sieved Tamarind Pulp that mixture is called ‘Lampung sauce.’

Prawn BBQ

Of course TV chefs and food writers in magazines all believe that us ordinary common folk (well you ordinary common folk) can just reach up to the top shelf of our kitchen cupboards (or jump if you’re me) and whip out enough Tamarinds to turn into 4 tablespoonfuls, sadly they live in a dream world where they are not only famous but useful!

I think that the best way to eat Barbecued Tiger Prawns or indeed any type of Prawn is with the least amount of ‘cooking’ and quickly, in terms of quantities the fool who wrote the article where I saw the picture above thought that 12 Tiger Prawns between 4 people was sufficient – really?

This Cat believes 12 Tiger Prawns each might act as a small starter if the meal then moves on to Scampi, Potted Shrimp, and Prawns Sandwiches without the bread, Lettuce, Tomatoes etc! I suppose these sandwiches could be called PLT’s in the new world across the sea where the simple Bacon sandwich have been thus elevated.

So a PLT for me please and hold the Bread, Lettuce and Tomatoes thank you ever so much!

Um it hasn’t arrived yet!

Prawn Sandwich



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jan 272012
 

No Mental Patients  Guilin China

The safety instructions for riding a cable car in Gulin, China would amusing if they didn’t show how dreadfully backward and prejudice the richest communists in the world really are!

Of course I can understand that people riding the cable car should be discouraged from taking explosives on board, and smelly things that can “irritate the nose” and if I knew what “lolling People” were, I would probably stop them from boarding too, but is it fair, reasonable or just to prohibit “mental Patients,” or even “dull-witted Patients” to be forced to spend hours trolling up a mountain instead of sailing up in a few minutes? I don’t think so do you?

The prejudice of the Chinese doesn’t just apply to the unfortunate among us who suffer mental health problems apparently, according to Chinese authorities if you are “liable to carsickness” you must be mentally ill – see point 4.1!

Which all goes to prove that not only should we not buy the shoddy goods manufactured in China which are made to the ‘break out of the box’ principle, we shouldn’t go to China on holiday either.



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Jan 162012
 

Good News If You Ever Run Out Of Ladies

I saw this picture and the first thing that came to mind was “what are they thinking about when they wrote this sign?” The answer of course is nothing, no thought whatsoever was used in making this sign, was it?

England has some strange by-laws which come from its dark past (around the time of Mrs. Thatcher’s iron rule) and so I worry for the people who put this sign on a Post Box. It is not only illegal to do something like that but I would imagine carries a sever punishment under the archaic laws of the land. The perpetrators will probably have their Sheep taken away and have their children put into the service of the crown just for starters.

I have always wanted any opportunity to tell my wonderful cuddly readers about some of the mad laws that are still ‘law’ (if you see what I mean) in England and now seems like the perfect chance.

Did you know that it’s illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament? That it’s a treasonable act to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen’s image upside down, though of course you can lick the stamp as much as you like!

There are lots of really dumb laws that benefit the English royals one that comes to mind is that the head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen. What on earth do they want them for?

And when you start to really delve into the nonsense that is English law you discover that eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned, obviously instead of tucking into Christmas delicacies the law expects ordinary people to be doing something useful and as England is rarely not at war keeping their fighting skills honed is important.

To ensure that Englishmen are ready for war the law of the land still says that all English Men over 14 must have two hours of longbow practice each weekend which has to be supervised by the local clergy.

And don’t ever think that an English person can become as rich as the royal family for example, because under the oddest of English laws and indeed one of the most modern (Tax Avoidance Schemes – Prescribed Descriptions of Arrangements – Regulations 2006) it’s illegal not to tell the taxman something you don’t want him to know on the other hand not telling him things you don’t mind him knowing is fine.



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jan 122012
 

I have never ever believed in making New Year’s resolutions mainly because if I wanted to stop doing something, give up something, or generally be a better member of society waiting until the New Year came around seemed to be pointless because it only comes around once every year.

Mind you if you really don’t want to give up something, modify your behaviour or do whatever it is that a New Year’s resolution would make you do then the once a year thing works just fine, but maybe people who find it difficult working to such short deadlines should start to make resolutions on February 29th I have a feeling that “Leap Year Resolutions” would be best for them.

Obviously the main advantage of “Leap Year Resolutions” is that you have plenty of time to plan just how you are going to keep them and of course if you really enjoy what you are about to give up then you have plenty of time to enjoy it right up until the deadline.

Actually don’t you think that it’s odd that the things we really like doing like eating Chocolate, drinking red wine and so on are the subjects of New Year’s and in the future Leap Year’s Resolutions? Why is it that we should give up the things we like and vow to take up jogging or visit the Gym more often? Beats me! But then that might be a subject for another blog.

All of which bring me round nicely to the title of this blog ‘how many New Year’s Resolutions have you broken so far?’ And indeed offers a new question – how many of the things that you decided to do/give up in your New Year’s Resolutions were things that you didn’t want to stop doing or of course not start in the first place – such as more trips to the Gym etc?

I don’t think that we should not look after ourselves but let’s face it who among us are as mad as Jane Fonda and want to exercise for most of the day and still have to get our publicity shots headily Photoshopped. Not me but then my face is covered in a dense layer of fur which hides any wrinkles I might have, not that I am saying I have any, so I have an advantage over most of my readers here who would be, if they were like little old me, at the electrolysis clinic for hours on end everyday. Being a Cat has so many advantages doesn’t it?

As the cartoon below shows you have to ask yourself a lot of difficult questions about any New Year’s Resolutions which you may be considering and if you are like Mary Poppins and though in a less icky way like me ‘practically perfect in every way’ then why should you be even thinking of making any New Year’s Resolutions in the first place?

New Years Resolution

I think if you want to wear a hair shirt and make a New Year’s Resolutions to give up something or change something about yourself just because you think others might expect it of you, you should stop thinking like that immediately and do something really useful that will make an impact, send me the money you would save by not doing what ever it is you were doing and I promise to enjoy every cent, even after I have bought a Motor Yacht that is six inches bigger than Steven Spielberg’s.

There I hope that makes you all feel much better because it isn’t such a bad thing to have little or no will power, let’s face it it is what most if not all of the institutions around the world today rely on, us being so easy to manage and guilt ridden to say nothing of hoping our attention spans are the same as Goldfish – here I am mainly thinking about banks and bankers. Happily that lack of will power and short attention span is not an affliction that affects Cats in any way whatsoever it is so great to be a Cat and so much better to be The Cat who writes blogs.

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Jan 112012
 

I remember writing a little song in my first masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ called ‘There is nothing like a Prawn’ to the musical theme first used in movie musical ‘South Pacific’ because I love Prawns. Prawns are wonderful even when they are eaten the Brazilian way with their little jackets on and tend towards ‘crunch’ if you see what I mean!

Although Prawns are my favourite shellfish I have also enjoyed the fleeting company of Lobsters, Crab, Langoustines, Shrimp (the tiny English ones) and of course Mussels, but I refused to eat what was on this menu in Hanoi, Vietnam and I ask you can you blame me?

Even when crap meat is rolled twice in Salmon skin and friend it hardly sounds like a delicacy does it? In fact the idea of it put me right off my Roasted Salmon Head and I walked out of the establishment that bravely called itself a restaurant feeling hungry and let down.

More Crap Meat From Vietnam



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jan 092012
 

Well I am back from skiing in the Bohemian Mountains after the weather let up enough to allow us to drive to where it was filling reservoirs instead of blocking roads if you see what I mean.

It’s nice to be back home and have a peaceful day instead of whistling across miles of snow trying to avoid the occasional lone Pine Tree and tired pensioner. This weekend I put my Paws up and ‘veged’ out in front of the box or as the automatic Lion spell checker would have it, I ‘vexed’ out in front of the box, that sounds as though I got mad watching TV but I didn’t I promise I was quite mellow in fact and watched one of my favourite movies ‘Babe’ which is, as you may now about a rather nice talking Pig and of course I enjoyed the movie, and its delightful little Pig actor (how many times can you say that in a sentence and get away without being sued?).

After the movie I did get mad or as Lion would call it ‘vexed’ and then a little ill when I was going through my email and saw what ‘a friend; in China had sent me, the picture below, the email said that ‘my friend’ knew I liked to publish strange pictures now and again and what could be stranger than a restaurant that served Pig’s Organ Soup.

“Poor Babe,” was my first thought and then I started to think about what they might serve in the restaurant and got a little sicker, after that I wondered what or who on Earth ‘Kway Chap’ is, so I looked it up on Wikipedia, I am pleased to say that it is safe to go back there now because they no longer carry pictures of Jimmy Wales the founder of Wikipedia and other flunkies begging for your cash, I’d give, honest they are all so ugly it just makes you wan tho keep you credit card in your wallet don’t you think.

Anyway I digress but then you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog if you didn’t know that The Cat who writes blogs and books digresses on occasions, Kway Chap is I discovered eventually on Wikipedia is a combination of thick, flat rice flour (Kuay Teow) noodles stir-fried in dark soy sauce with green leafy vegetables, Chinese sausage or unspecified Pig’s Offal and some fried lard. The article wasn’t that helpful but then if you spend so much time raising money you can be expected to make your website encyclopaedic can you?

So yes you heard it first here on the wonderfully clever Cat’s blog, the latest Chinese food craze that’s sweeping the land of people who can’t manufacture electronic devices or socks even though they are shown how to do it patiently by us in the West I is ‘Pig’s Organ Soup.’ The soup recipe from hell!

Yummy Pig s Organ Soup

You know I have a theory, if the Chinese concentrated on carefully making the goods that they manufacture over in slavelabourland instead of inventing ever more odd and unusual meals maybe the rubbish that they make and ship here to the West would last a little longer than the boxes they come in!

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Jan 052012
 

The plan yesterday was to get up nice and early, well 11.00 or so which is much earlier than we have been getting up recently and drive home. But there is one small problem with that plan. Can you spot it in the picture below?

Yes that is right whole Global Warming is frying other parts of the planet the Bohemian Mountains are covered in a blanket of all sorts of cold stuff. What a good job that this Cat has a glossy fur coat it is so useful when playing ‘where’s the road.’

So the delay in getting back to Cat World HQ means that we will just have to do a lot more skiing, partying and generally amusing and enjoying ourselves, sigh life can be so hard sometimes… I understand!

Snow Blocked Road


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jan 032012
 

Hello to all my lovely cuddly readers. I thought that I would wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous New Year and let you know that I am still skiing in the Bohemian Mountains, enjoying lots of rest, comfort and everything else that a very hard working and successful Cat should.

As I am on holiday I think that my blogs will be a little short for a few more days but I am sure that you understand because you are all so kind.

I thought that you might like to see a picture of me in the snow, but as I posted it up I suddenly realised that I can’t actually see me, I must have slipped out of the picture or behind a rock while Ginger was saying “back, back, left, left, no left a bit more and back.” You wait until I see him this morning!

Snow in the Mountians


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 252011
 

I am so pleased for everyone who got an eBook reader for Christmas, aren’t they great? Yes of course they are! They can hold hundreds of books and they, in the main, are easy to use.

Here is an essential tip for everyone who got an ereader for Christmas from your friendly superstar Cat. Whatever you do make sure that you download my books to your eReader from either Amazon or my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite shop here The Cat’s Webstore

Here are some essential links to Amazon.com that will take you to both Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary or here Amazon’s page for The Cat’s Travelogue all you have to do is to click the blue line or lines of your choice.

Just so you know what you are looking for here are some pretty pictures of the covers. May I suggest that once you have read my ebooks you order a copy of each book in paper form for your bookcase, they too look wonderful on any bookcase shelf because they have pictures of me on the covers and spines.
Getting Out Cover

The Cat s Travelogue Cover

Don’t forget that those nice people at Amazon.com and also my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite don’t stop for Christmas or the New Year and so if you want to fill your brand new shiny eReader, whatever the make, you can do it right now, and of course if you do then you will make a little Cat very happy indeed!


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 202011
 

As the title correctly says for a lot of us it is time nearly to slide into some shiny Gore-Tex, sharpen our elbows and practice being rude to anyone who gets in our way as preparation for attacking the nearest ski slope! Or it would be if you are going skiing anywhere that caters for the British and German riff raft tourist.

The areas blighted by these ignorant ski slope bullies include most of France, Austria and Italy and unfortunately a lot of the slopes on the west coast of the US.

If you want a nice quiet ski without being knocked over by some idiot who believes that they can ski in-between breaking a leg then the best place to go is, in my case, ‘local.’

There is of course is yet another reason to go ‘local’ this year and that reason is that a lot of the ‘popular’ (and for ‘popular’ just substitute ‘cheap’ ski resorts where the skiing riff raff assemble to knock each other over on the slopes by day and drink each other under the table by night) don’t actually have any snow – something to do apparently with global warming.

Still never mind about the riff raff happily they won’t be skiing where I am going skiing this year or indeed where we took a little Winter hol at the begging of this year, as you can see from the picture below we went to Switzerland at the beginning of the year.

I have to say that Switzerland is a spooky place. While we were up in the Swiss Mountains we decided to take a tour of the many and various Cheese and Watch factories instead of skiing it is amazing what you will do when you get bored isn’t it?

Anyway we hopped on the Snow-Express which is the name for a little coach tour can you imagine our surprise at the name of the tour company? Well happily though of you who are hard of understanding and imagining don’t have to imagine actually or indeed to imagine too hard because it’s on the back of the bright red coach below.

Swiss www

I have to say that after the unusual experience of our little wwwank-tour we felt rather glad to be back on the ski lifts the next day as you can imagine.

I have to say I love ski lifts, probably more than skiing, well you try skiing with four skis strapped to your feet! Skiing is hard enough to do when you just have the two! Although I don’t like the concept of snowboarding I’ve had a go a couple of times now and think that it’s really a way of getting down a snow covered mountain that was probably designed more for Cats to use than for humans. I took to it like a Duck to water.

So this year when I go skiing I won’t be getting someone to lug all of my skis to the slopes I will just get them to carry my snowboard instead.

Skilift

Although nothing to do with any of the above really, I mentioned that I was going off skiing in the New Year to Špindlerův Mlýn in the Krkonoše Mountains which is one of the highest and the most popular mountain ranges in Bohemia and indeed the Czech Republic’s best known ski areas and a nice group of Czech fans of The Cat who writes blogs made some Cat Cup Cakes just for me, aren’t they nice – the cup cakes and the fans!

Cat Cup Cakes


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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