Tag Archives: The Cat

Odd Indian Road Sign – What Do They Mean?

I am a very innocent, nice and extremely well brought up Cat and so when I was trolling through India researching my latest blockbusting and unputdownable book called ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ (available here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition) I couldn’t help but be confused by the sign below.

Odd Indian Road Sign  What Do They Mean

If anyone knows what on earth the Indians are on about do let me know! Or if you can guess why two young men in skirts are following an older man in orange shorts into an Accident Porn Area I would be interested to know. My theory is that the young men are planning a Porn Accident? Well I suppose they are in the right place aren’t they!

In the meantime if you want to read my wonderful travelogue do please click here for the The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or here for the Kindle edition The Cat’s Travelogue ebook.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

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It’s Official My www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite Has No Equal!

I always am curious about how my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com is perceived, do people like it, is it easy to find, you know the sort of thing and so when i found a site which proposed to ‘find similar sites to mine (I use that term loosely here) I was naturally interested and so like an innocent Cat I clicked the link.

Www wickedlywonderfulwebsite

Here according to the fools running the site are the sites that are similar to mine:

blakjak.demon.co.uk

craigslist.org

hotmail.com

epdrama.com

defendingthetruth.com

Now I have to ask myself what are these idiots on? I loathe gambling and presume that the first site is a card gaming one that just made me sick, then craigslist? I ask you! After craigslist Hotmail – really and I have no idea to discover what the last two sites are about which of course all goes to prove that there isn’t a website in the world or on the web to compare with my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com still it would have been fun to compare other sites I suppose.

But as the site proposing to offer similar sites to mine was so inaccurate I won’t even both to mention them and waste my dear cuddly reader’s time clicking and visiting, yes I am a cat that just goes on giving and I am definitely not only wonderful but also unique.

All of which goes to show that even though there are some absolutely wonderful websites on the web there are very few www.wickedlywonderfulwebsites www.thecatsdiary.com which has no equal for entertainment, quality, fun and of course good looking owner, although I would blush here is that is Cats could blush tee hee.

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A Small Bottom Joke For My Americans Friends & Readers

Here is a small bottom joke for my Americans friends and readers who will be shocked, horrified and disgusted to know that in the UK the same word for ‘your’ fanny means the front botty of English ladies.

Small Bottom Joke For My Americans Friends

This message is brought to you by the incredibly intelligent and good looking Cat who could go on to tell you that the word botty in Czech (which is spelt with one ‘t’) means ‘shoes’ – all of which proves that the human world is a very odd place no matter what language you’re speaking!

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Personal Hairdressing In France

There are very few words to either explain or describe this photograph from a Paris suburb and frankly even this genius of a Cat who writes books and who writes blogs doesn’t have any of them! But all the same I thought you my dear cuddly readers would giggle at the ridiculousness of our french cousins.

Personal Hairdressing In France

I believe that ‘french cousins’ are the cousins in a family that no one talks about you know the ‘special’ ones for whom everything is a challenge.

Big news, my wonderful masterpiece of second book (electronic and paper) ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will be in book stores, on Amazon.com waiting for you to buy it in your thousands this coming week I believe. I will let you have more information as soon as I can but stand by with your pocketbooks open.

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Damn Seagulls

The Summer is coming to an end, but here we in Europe and I understand the UK are having what is known in some circles as an ‘Indian Summer’ I don’t know why it is called that or indeed if a hot dry spell in the Autumn is called an ‘Indian Summer’ in India for that matter.

I expect the Indians have a different name for a brief sunny period at the end of their Summer mainly because I have a feeling that the English overlords in the time of the Raj would have used the phrase and these days it would seem that anything English in India is a little frowned upon – apart from the use of the English language of course, the Indians, bless them, think that they speak marvellous English – oh dear if only they knew the truth!

I’ll give you a real life example when Andy from Bedford comes on the phone in the early evening when you are tying to stop the Dog eating the children’s supper and encouraging the youngest to actually do what the Dog wants to do, while answering the door to another batch of Jehovah’s Witnesses and keeping the Cat off the kitchen work surfaces, Andy from ‘Bedford’ calls from his New Delhi call centre pretending to be only 40 miles up the road.

Now this pretence is not only doomed to failure because of his pronunciation of the English language it is made worse by the sound quality of the ‘Skype’ like phone system he is calling on and of course the mayhem going on all around the family home, and made even worse by the fact that Andy from Bedford wants to “confirm that you are Miecester. Woodcock,” even though you have a woman’s voice (because you are Mr. Woodcock’s far better half and he is late again with his supper heading towards the Dog’s bowl with ever passing quarter of an hour).

Andy from Bedford ignores any attempt to shut him up including sarcasm and eventually swearing and keeps asking you “to confirm your phone number,” which you would never in a million years give out to some odd sounding heavily accented stranger on the phone.

Reading from his script Andy from Bedford blithely continues “I just want to take a coupole minutes of your very valuable time to discuss.”

You eventually tell Andy from Bedford to FO, slam the phone down and then get ready for his retribution, twenty calls spread over the next hour.

Opps I seem to have veered right off the point of this little blog which is this; Summer is coming to an end but it is still nice and warm, in England we call that an Indian Summer but I expect the Indians don’t because they wouldn’t like to be reminded of the English except to sell them broadband, financial planning or insurance on the phone.

Now that I am back on track I can finish by saying I thought the sign below reminded me of a trip to Clearwater Beach in Florida where the Seagulls are so aggressive that they not only steal your food they shower it back at you when they have digested it. Sorry about the wait for the punchline.

Damn Seagulls

Chef’s Dick Confit – French Cooking At Its Best!

Now here’s a new way to eat the good old English Chip or as Americans know it the French Fry just go to France and order ‘Chef’s Dick Confit’ and don’t be too surprised if (hopefully) you get chips.

Obviously the french who hate the idea of using ‘foreign’ words in their language decided that they couldn’t call a fried potato a ‘chip’ because the English use that and then they thought the damn Americans use french fry so they couldn’t call their chips “Frit Française” could they? And that meant that they had to come up with some ‘radical’ language and frankly you can’t get more radical than having a Chef’s Dick on your plate can you?

Chef s Dick Confit  French Cooking At Its Best

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Pardon?

The thought processes of people who not only create signs but also leave them lying around to confuse others is unfathomable.

It seems a shame to this intelligent and fabulously good looking Cat that so much time and effort is devoted to telling innocent law-abiding motorists what to do and what not to do.

Of course there are so many signs telling motorists what to do and what not to do that they seem to cancel each other out um… as this picture shows.

Pardon

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The Chinese Don’t Know How To Make Electrical Goods & Their Soup Isn’t Any Better!

Oh look a story about China that slipped under the censor’s nose and beady eyes.

As my most dedicated readers and fans know China has agreed to ‘sponsor’ my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ and in accepting their ‘sponsorship’ I have agreed to allow them to review all of my blog posts and delete the chapters dedicated to my travels in China from my wonderful book because it would have exposed too many home truths about the country where not only Dog and Cat are lunch menu items but also explain why anything made in China either is broken when it comes out of the box of doesn’t last more than a few weeks.

It’s sad to say but true all the same the Chinese unfortunately have no idea how to make electrical goods that last longer than a few days and as this picture of a menu in a Shanghai restaurant proves their Soup isn’t any better!

The Chinese Don t Know How To Make Electrical Goods But Mmh Their Soup

The Cat thinks its a terrible shame that the Chinese gave up knitting with Bamboo and started playing with semi-conductors and soldering irons!

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Illegal In Most States

The say that religion makes you a better, more moral person, but this sign surely tells a different story. Surely this sort of activity is illegal in most states?

Illegal In Most States

I am happy to say here that Cats like all other animals are not at all religious and are usually not at all welcome in places of worship no matter what god or idol they have been erected for and that is a great source of comfort and relief.

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Will My Cousin Become Extinct Just Because He Wears A Kilt?

The elusive Highland Tiger, or Scottish Wildcat, is in terrible decline up in the wild high bits of Jockland and it isn’t only because the weather is sever and it’s so cold that you run a daily risk of freezing your danglies off.

Apparently the biggest problem for that the shy Highland Tiger or Scottish Wild Cat is that people just don’t know he exists, or that is what so called experts on the aforementioned Wild Cat think. Seems a bit of an odd theory to this Cat because in my experience as soon as humans know that a species exist they either find excuses to hunt the poor animal or if they are Chinese they want to chop bits off it to make them sexier.

But the expert’s theory goes something like this “It’s hard for people to relate and care for something that they don’t know exists.”

So here is a picture of the Scottish Wild Cat or now more trendily named Highland Tiger so that when you are wandering the wastes of Jockland you will recognise him immediately although because he is Scottish he might occasionally be wearing a tartan skirt.

Highland Tiger or Scottish Wildcat

He is really rather good looking isn’t he and if I may say so looks a lot like me, there now you care for him don’t you!

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