Tag Archives: The Cat’s Blog

It’s Snowing!

It’s minus three outside and I am writing to you from the heart of our snow bunker. We have enough tinned tuna and frozen prawns to last for just another four days and then I am afraid we might have to look at each other in a different light and start to really worry about anyone who offers an ‘invitation to dinner!’

Still there’s one consolation and that’s that the whole of Europe is tucked up shivering, under the same white blanket of course some countries are old hands at deal with the pesky white stuff and then there is the UK.

To be honest I love this time of year if I am watching the scene from a second floor window, because where I live in Europe at the first sign of snow thousands of people in brightly coloured warm clothing dash about the streets clearing snow, while their colleagues hop into extremely large snow plows for the roads and much smaller ones for the pavements and race around with orange lights flashing on top of their cabs clearing the snow from almost everywhere it is so colourful and so relaxing to watch others work.

Of course being English I had never seen this sort of activity before and as far as I can tell from the reports the the English newspapers it still doesn’t happen even today in modern Britain as they call it these days, for reasons best known to themselves. Instead you get wild stories in the English press of “Tens of thousands stranded as heavy snow and ice set to continue until Thursday” (it’s currently Monday), rolled up with flight cancellations at Heathrow airport one of the busiest airports in the world that can’t cope with a few flakes of snow.

Really what is it with the English and snow? As you can see from the picture below taken yesterday they haven’t had ‘that’ much snow and the country is “doomed” well according to the press.

Snow in England

Compare this to a typical and I have to say not very remarkable picture of a snowy street taken the other day in Prague and you have to wonder what the English are so concerned about and why so many of them are sliding off the roads in their cars.

Snow Prague

I do have one suggestion about the sliding off the road, from 1st November to 31st March each year winter tyres are as the Ministry of Interior of the Czech Republic (and most other European nations)here declares “obligatory.” The law actually states that “The obligation applies also when the drivers can expect .” And I suppose as thee ordinary driver in the street has about as much of a clue as to when to ‘expect bad weather conditions’ everyone here fits Winter tyres in the run up to 1st November, if you don’t and you forget then you get fined, but the fine is no where near the cost of having a tow truck come and rescue your stranded car and then to have it fixed, but isn’t that sensible?

I think it is and obviously not something that the English would do but then it would seem that they don’t like being in Europe and are trying to wriggle out silly sods.

Speaking of snow have you heard that my translator John Woodcock’s book Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams is now available on Apple’s ibook store? No well that is something i can change right now, this really brilliantly illustrated book is available now, here: Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams it is well worth a gawp.

I promise to post a blog later that shows some of the illustrations from this excellent book which was created for all ages.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Is This The Saddest Dog In The World? Or One Of The Nicest?

Bentley the Border Collie is probably the saddest Dog in Britain, if not the world.

He has had a trying and very difficult life bless him and it has left him scared of Cats, afraid of the dark, suffering from monophobia, the fear of being alone, he has very sore paws because he suffers from such bad anxiety attacks that he bites his nails in fact he has to wear mittens on his feet to stop him making them worse but worst of all poor Bentley the Border Collie (aged six) desperately needs a new home and we all know that is going to be his biggest challenge because getting a new home is hard enough, but when you are in desperate need of masses of love, companionship and reassurance you might be considered a bit ‘difficult.’

Bentley the Border Collie isn’t difficult in any way though, the main cause of all of his ails is anxiety which started soon after his first human’s death and it didn’t help that his second human was unable to cope with his constant need for reassurance, cuddles and company.

Bently

Bentley the Border Collie tends to cower away from Cats, even when they are only on the TV, which suggests that he is not really as cowardly as most humans think and is actually showing a lot of intelligence! Cats are always up for a bit of ‘Boxing’ with a Dog no matter how big they are (the Dogs that is)and Dogs almost always come off worse, but that is only one on one or “Cato a Dogo” as they say in um… err… somewhere ‘Latin!’

Dogs have a tendency for wandering around in packs and a pack of Dogs is a bit of a pawful for any Cat,all of which means it’s a good job we can climb or so this Cat the Cat who writes blogs thinks, but I am veering away from the star of my blog today Bentley the Border Collie.

Unfortunately if the doorbell rings Bentley the Border Collie goes into orbit, yes you guessed it this distressed Doggie is frightened of not only the doorbell but what might also be outside in the dark.

Not all is doom and gloom for Bentley the Border Collie the lady who manages the Dog’s Home where he is currently spending his days, at night he is taken home by one of the carers who at first felt sorry for him and now just enjoys his company, and that is because this blue bow wow’s behaviour changes completely when he is surrounded by humans and happily he loses all his little ways, problems and insecurities.

Bently 2

All Bentley the Border Collie is a bit of love and company a home where at least one person is home for the
most of the day and night. Bentley loves human company both adults and children and when with them will happily play, fetch the usual stuff that fits in a mouth and then snuggle down and curl up on a conveniently situated lap after a long walk.

Bentley the Border Collie just needs is a second chance really he has had a difficult time so far in his short life and needs to forget the trauma of losing a loved one when he was young and enjoy the rest of his life being just a normal Dog let’s hope that this Christmas Bentley the Border Collie finds a home along with all of the other animals who are in shelters.

Xmas Holly.png

As it was such a success I have brought back my little Christmas Quiz

Unfortunately the people who won last time can’t enter this time!

Question: Where can you buy copies of my wonderful books?

Answer: Here!

Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

The Cat’s Travelogue

Paperback edition of

The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

All correct answers (written on a postcard) and sent to me at my email address will get a really big prize – no not a Motor Yacht that’s what I want. Mmh it still doesn’t seem as though I have got the quiz format quite right yet! I may try again next week which of course means there will be more prizes up for grabs so do visit my blog again soon. Did I ever tell you I like having you here!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Everyone Loves A Fart Joke

As the title says, everyone loves a fart joke although in my books and blogs I try to keep farting to a minimum, but it creeps in occasionally – as the actress said to the Bishop! Boom Boom!

Even though I do try to stop a fart appearing now and again in my books and blogs, the Cat who writes blogs couldn’t resist this photograph which I think should be entitled Where To Shop For A Small Explosion that being the first bit of the first line of the definition of a ‘fart’ in the 26 or so volume Oxford English Dictionary which adds that “the small explosion takes place between the legs” bless them – the dictionary people not the farters you understand!

Where To Shop For A Small Explosion

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Even More Snow On The Cat’s Website

Silly me when I was showing everyone yesterday the picture of the snow on my blog here The Cat’s Blog I forgot to include a snapette of the even more snow that’s falling over the picture at the top of the page on The Cat’s Website or to put it another way my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com and so I thought I would rectify that immediately, but then I went to sleep in the afternoon yesterday and then sadly it completely slipped my mind when I woke up to eat a very late supper.

Happily I had made a note to resolve the problem today and as the sticky note I used somehow managed to attach itself to my paw I couldn’t fail to remember, though I have to say I would have done it earlier if ‘Postit’ notes were more ‘attracted’ to sticking to computer screens, tables and indeed each other rather than they are to fur and pad skin!

Still here is the picture for you dear cuddly readers before I get carried away about the odd attractions that sticky things have – I’m sure I can wait and get carried away in the next paragraph!

Even More Snow

Have you noticed just how annoying sticky things are? Masking tape is probably the most useless sticky thing I can think of, it promises to lightly adhere to most things for a while and then be easily removed not leaving any marks, sticky patches or other nasty stuff. But it doesn’t want to stick to anything apart from fur, paw pad skin and itself does it? And it does this by hanging limply from walls, where it has been used as a mask prior to painting, just waiting for an innocent Cat to nonchalantly stroll by minding his own business until he becomes ever more embroiled in yards and yards of the stuff that need little or no encouragement to wrap itself ever more tightly around a stomach that will, it promises, be on a diet in the new year as part of a whole Feline detox programme.

I could go on about the pointlessness of sticky tape in all forms, but while typing I am trying to remove a line of masking tape from my err… how can I put this um… bottom! It isn’t easy for the Cat who writes blogs to write the aforementioned communication when he has his ass masked! Is it?

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