Tag Archives: The Cat’s Travelogue

Dealing With Armed Airline Passengers

I was in Turkey a little while ago researching my soontobereleased bestseller ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ when I saw this sign. I promise I was trying to mind my own business and indeed everyone else’s – but in my defence that is what a Travelogue writer does isn’t it? I have to say it wasn’t the way the judge saw it but heigh-ho that’s the way the fortune cookie crumbles sometimes isn’t it.

So this is, I believe, how the Turks deal with armed airline passengers and it is a worrying revelation they let them collect the weapons before boarding the aircraft from the Silah Teslim Yeri or Weapons Delivery Location that is worrying isn’t it!

Weapon Delivery Point

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Mmh I Think I’ll Have 2 Plates of Big Holes!

I love travelling, though it has to be said that I didn’t really enjoy the travelling I did while researching my forthcoming blockbusting, unputdownable bestselling book, which if you haven’t heard is a Travelogue, called rather cleverly I thought, ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

Not only didn’t I enjoy the travelling I was more or less forced to visit countries that I would never ever think of travelling to, such as oh Bangladesh, Pakistan and two or three African countries, where even the locals don’t want to live in if they can help it and are desperate to immigrate from.

One of the great things about travelling is that you get the opportunity to taste the local cuisine or if you go to France you get to taste recipes stolen from the world’s master cooks the Italians.

Sometimes when you travel to countries where, for reasons best known to themselves, they have yet to learn one’s language their attempts to translate a menu into English has me (and I hope everyone else or I am wasting my time here) rolling in the aisles.

Here is a wonderful menu from a rather quaint restaurant in Madrid, as I said I rather fancy the ‘Fried Big Holes’ mainly because they must be better than the ‘Calluses to the Madrilenian’ surely?

Mmh I Think I ll Have 2 Plates of Big Holes  Madrid

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Getting Into Hot Water In Tibet

One of the places that I visited the year before last while researching my forthcoming book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ (which to my delight is deeply mired in all sorts of dreadful litigation) was China, and then after that Tibet which as you may or may not know is really a sort of Chinese colony and the place where the Chinese demonstrate their international relations prowess and manners so badly.

Just in case you, dear reader, don’t understand why I’m so happy to be up to my neck in litigation with the bad boy countries of the world that I visited while researching my wonderful new book allow me to let you into a little secret. I sent copies of the relevant parts of my Travelogue manuscript to the embassies of the relevant countries and then sat back and waited for their usually outraged replies.

My plan is simple every country that is ‘concerned’ over what I have written can ‘sponsor’ me to exclude their country from my unputdownable thriller of a book, this has been describe by some of the more outraged countries as “blackmail” but to my way of thinking blackmail is such a dirty word and I prefer sponsorship.

This plan of course means that the book is growing and shrinking more than an Accordian playing the Star wars theme, it also means that if the countries in question stop providing their generous sponsorship my wonderful forthcoming book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ may well be one of very few books to actually get bigger with each imprint as my sponsors have been warned!

Having said that the word ‘sponsorship’ is nicer than ‘blackmail’ I have to say that the Bush administration truly knifed the word ‘sponsorship’ in the ribs at the rear didn’t it, when they started to describe countries as sponsors of terrorism. Odd really that you never saw a car bomber or indeed his car emblazoned with the logos of their sponsor countries!

Still I digress and I like to do that all to often, here below is the topic of this blog which has more to do with beverage dispensers than what I may or may not have said about the Chinese overlords in Tibet.

How do you like your water, cold? Or boiling? In Tibet you can have both from the same tap – now that is advanced! Who said that the brutal Chinese occupation and repression of the country was all bad?

Mind you if the appliance in question was made back home in the imperial country it probably doesn’t work – like all products made in China.

Getting Into Hot Water In Tibet

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Frog What? No Surely Not!

Some of the signs I have seem on my travels researching my next amazing book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ are self explanatory and then there are some signs that happily completely mystify me.

I am so glad I haven’t a clue as to what this sign means and I’m even happier that I know I will stay ignorant forever, so please don’t let me know what this sign means if you know there’s a nice reader.

Frog What No Surely Not

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Australian Toilet Cleaner With Added ‘Revenge’

When you have travelled the world as often and as far as this much travelled and rather clever Cat then you get the ‘delight’ experience of coming face to face with all sorts of interesting products, unfortunately some are really rather scary!

Australian Toilet Cleaner With Added  Revenge

I know that toilets can be rather um… messy places but what on Earth would drive you to the point that you need to take revenge on the poor old porcelain? Beats me! But then a lot of human activity does that!

Now can you see some of the dangers I bravely faced just to bring you my next book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue!’ I am not only a genius but a brave one aren’t I?

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Need A Laugh – Try Chinese Happy Grass!

If you’re ever stuck for a smile or need a laugh do go to China I promise it will cheer you up. I should know I went to China as p-art of my ‘research’ for my soon to be released next book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue – The Cat Against The World.’

China is not really a very nice place and it’s very polluted so I urge you don’t plan to stay long, but a short stay in any of the main cities that serve the West with the hard labour of their sweatshop style factories producing Computers, TV, cell phones and all of the rest of the crap that we think we can’t do without or any of the other cities that have dedicated themselves to parting Westerner’s hard currency. These cities are of course called known in China “tourist destinations for foreigners” show you what I mean.

China may be a dreadful place where the words ‘Cat’ and ‘Dog’ are menu items but you have to hand it to the hairy little sods their signage is second to know when you need to smile.

As the picture below proves the Chinese are really very odd and have a view on life that is alien to us Westerners what is happy grass! I ask you!

Tender Grass

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you, along with that other ‘developed’ country India, the world leaders of the future!

There I knew you wouldn’t be sad for long and you haven’t even boarded your plane to China yet!

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