Tag Archives: Tiger Woods

What Do You Wish For?

Have you ever wished for something? Probably! We all have haven’t we! Poor old Tiger Woods for instance probably wished that he could hide in a hole or turn back time recently, and the Queen of England has probably wished on more than one occasion that she had clever children instead of the royally challenged bunch she ended up with.

Life is like that isn’t it? There is always something that you wouldn’t mind or something that you rather wish you had and of course it doesn’t always have to be hard cash, although the heavy chink of that in your pocket does make life a lot easier doesn’t it!

Recently I was looking out of the window at a few small birds hopping in and out and up and down the large Christmas tree that stands in the garden close to the house and thinking that it must be dreadful to be that small!

We all know that small things are nervous in the main and these birds, I’ll call them ‘Yellow Buntings’ (I have no idea what they are really but it adds some realism to the blog and they were ‘yellow’), were hopping around minding their own business and in the twitch of an eye taking to the air for no real reason, unless it was the sound of me banging my head on the window pane trying to get to know the little blighters better.

Now I have to say that I don’t really want to climb the Christmas tree outside so that isn’t the wish that came into my head while watching these little yellow hoppers, the thought that struck me as a wish was that I wished that I could fly and then I could catch birds on the wing as they say, it would make bird catching a lot easier and even up the odds a little.

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Wouldn’t it be great to be like the Bald Eagle in these pictures I found on the internet? I thought so and decided to share them with my wonderful fans.

Actually they made me revise my wish a little of course. Now I wish I could fly like a Jumbo Jet, why I hear you ask?

Well the Bald Eagle is catching a Starling in mid air and it can do that because it is big and so it is handy to be a Bald Eagle, but then again if a Jumbo Jet was flying passed while the Bald Eagle was proving just how clever and tough it was who do you think would win in a mid air collision, yes I thought so too!

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They don’t call this best selling author ‘clever’ for no reason do they?

By the way I have to ask. Has anyone wished that they owned a copy of my wonderful book? If you have then the good news is that you can of course get it safely here Amazon.com and when your wish comes true and you have my masterpiece you’ll wish that I would hurry up and finish the next book which I have to say is a corker and will be available in good bookshops and of course Amazon.com one fine day soon.

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Tiger Woods, The Cat Rolls Up His Sleeves and Dives In

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Mixing metaphors is like mixing drinks, it can produce an intemperate tirade of nonsense, similar to the intoxicatingly dumb and boring stories that currently beset poor, only in the sad stakes, Tiger Woods.

Now I have to say that of course I really have difficulty stirring myself to defend an idiot, and as the once mighty Tiger has admitted in so many words he was an idiot, but as a Feline I feel it is my duty to defend a Tiger, no matter how faded and tarnished this idiot’s image may be.

So after talking on the phone to my people who talked to the Tiger’s people who shared some black coffee with the Tiger, here is a short statement that both sides have agreed upon.

“Tiger Woods is not such a bad person you know and is was only practising at the 19th hole!”

As Eight-time Grand Slam winner Andre Agassi said when he awoke recently, don’t be so cruel to the Tiger and don’t judge him too harshly. “It’s irresponsible to jump to conclusions on Tiger Woods without the full facts after recent claims about the golfer’s private life…” Then he dropped off to sleep again.

Just remember that incredibly rich people have a right to let off steam once in a while and better still have, if they are sensible, a large number of PR people who can ensure usually that the ‘facts’ are never ‘full’ by any means.

So quite frankly my advice to the tarnished Tiger is to get better PR people. Frankly I would have thought that a small car crash in possibly an alcoholic haze, while possibly beating your wife with a five iron can be smoothed over rather easily if you have the right PR people, just ask the Kennedy clan!

Finally I have to say that as of this moment in time there is not going to be any announcement regarding the replacement of the Tiger with The Cat on the side of some bottles of Gatorade. Frankly just like the disgraced Tiger, The Cat would only drink that rubbish on camera and for large amounts of the folding stuff, but a Kitty has got to live! So watch this space.

However here at The Cat HQ (a sober and clean place where no wife beating has ever taken place) we were sent the picture below by an anonymous advertising agency, who simple asked The Cat for his opinion on some new artwork.

As of this moment that is all we can say on the subject of the new and improved Gatorade which, never fear, will be on the shelves for the Holiday Season.

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