May 262014
 

The best coffee in Istanbul or else

I didn’t see ‘The Terrifying Tea Rooms’ because I was a little unnerved by the ‘Kiler Kofte’ house! But even so I wholeheartedly recommend a visit to Istanbul and Turkey in general, in the off season for rioting obviously!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Oct 212013
 

I have to say that I really, really loathe designer ‘things’ whether they be watches or sequinned underpants and happily can announce that I have never owned anything that is the product of an accountants over active imagination!

Why an accountant’s over active imagination instead of a designer’s I hear you ask? Well that’s simple ,only accountants are able to consider the ridiculous profit margins achieved by ‘designer’ products.

Companies who sell designer products try as hard as they can to persuade people that their products are somehow so much better than most others, but disguise the fact that they are almost definitely going to be made on the cheap in China or Bangladesh.

Still the above doesn’t have anything to do with the picture below, from a shop in Turkey, because at least the shop owner here was being honest!

Authentic confusion from Turkey


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Oct 022013
 

I really loved Istanbul when I dropped by a few years ago after spending a relaxing couple of weeks in Antayla which is such a nice place to be as you can see here.

Antalya

There I told you it was lovely!

I have to say that I spent those two weeks at a very nice resort spa type place mainly recovering from a massage given to me by one of the smallest people on the planet on the first day who it seemed didn’t like this Cat! She actually bruised me, but that is another story.

St Sophia

Turkey is fabulous and I recommend it as a holiday destination whether you like to sightsee or to laze about in the sun recovering from an over vigorous massage!

Having said all that there is no reason for this sort of sign even if the place is a bit of heaven at the foot of Europe is there dear cuddly readers?

Not nice in Istanbul


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Jul 292013
 

I like Turkey, the country is always warm, the people friendly and the beaches unique!

Try not to tread in it Turkey

Here is one word of warning about holidaying in Turkey if you are thinking of it. Try not to tread in the snot on the beaches in Turkey! I don’t know why they have it but they do!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Jun 192012
 

Lamp how yummy Istanbul

I believe that “Lamp” is something of a delicacy in Turkey and as you can see this restaurant in Istanbul offers not only “Lamp Chops” which I am sure are wonderful, but also “Lamp On Skewer” which has to be sublime and just perfect for a light lunch – sorry couldn’t resist that!

You know in Uzbekistan they cook “Lamp” on a skewer but like us, and unlike the Turks, they call the meat ‘Lamb,’ in fact to be absolutely correct they call the ‘dish’ (if that is what you can call meat on a skewer of course) “Shashlik,” and the meat қўй гўшти.

Actually it was the Uzbeks Imperial overlords (the Russians) who ‘encouraged’ the Uzbeks to call қўй гўшти – ‘Shashlik’ using latin characters as us westerners would write it or ‘шашлык’ in cyrillic letters. To be honest the Uzbeks have always called Shashlik ‘кабоб’ which doesn’t make it taste anything less than wonderful. It just makes it very confusing, doesn’t it?

Shashlik

When you eat Shashlik, шашлык or кабоб you generally eat it with Lepyoshka, (I think we won’t bother with the Russian and Uzbek translations for the sake of the writer’s sanity it should be enough to say that) it is a wonderful ‘solid’ bread baked in a stone oven. The dough is usually stuck to the inside of the oven, on the walls.

Lepyoshka in Oven

The oven above is a very modern version of a tradition Lepyoshka oven, as you can see by gas lines on the floor. Tradition Lepyoshka ovens are usually more cave-like because it’s rather likely that they have been hacked out of rock and have a receptacle under the floor for a fire.

Here is a Lepyoshka I nibbled earlier!

Leprocha

I could of course provide you all with the ingredients for the marinade that you coat Sashlik in before you barbecue it and the recipe for Lepyoshka then go on to describe how and why there is a pattern of ‘dots’ on the surface of the Lepyoshka and their significance, but I don’t want to come over all ‘Jamie Oliver’ on you do I? That would be awful.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Feb 232012
 

When you are out for a stroll in the countryside, breathing in the scent of meadows, admiring mountain streams and sniffing the flowers or gateposts if you are a Dog you don’t expect to be confronted by some chaps attempt to impress the neighbours do you so if you want to avoid this rather odd though sadly not unique way of naming a town don’t go to Turkey, where obviously the men are MEN and Turkeys aren’t on the menu at Thanksgiving or Christmas.

What Were They Thinking When They Named This Town

Mind you if you want to meet the ‘twin of the goddess of luck’ then you will h’have’ to go to Bigadiç because that is where they reside – well they actually lived in “Didi-Moti-He” but oddly enough over the ages the name “Didi-Moti-He” has become Bigadiç – men!

Unfortunately there is nothing more that can be said about Bigadiç which is probably just as well – oh apart from the fact that I went there while researching my second masterpiece of feline literature ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’ The place was so bland that it didn’t get into the Cat’s Diary let alone the hallowed pages of my Travelogue.

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Jan 042012
 

Sushi Cat

I found the recipe below for Cat Sushi and thought that all of my wonderful and ultra cuddly Christmasy fans might like to make it while they are on holiday and still full of Turkey, the really great news is that you don’t need a ‘Cat’ as one of the ingredients for Cat Sushi.

You will need a tiny bit of artistic flair and hands unused to handling large hammers, steel pressing machinery and other tough tools so I understand if you decide give this recipe a miss.

Cat Sushi

So if you are serious about creating a masterpiece in Sushi which as a lucky coincidence would have it is also a portrait of me please (I beg you) read the complete instructions before starting it will help both you and me because you will get the recipe right first time and not end up covered in Seaweed and I, thankfully, won’t have to repeat myself or clarify any perceived anomalies.

For one roll of sushi, you will need

A little more than one piece of Nori (Nori is the Japanese name for edible seaweed)

Some sushi rice around 6 tablespoons full

Black Sesame Powder

Canned Tuna (Tomato flavoured) to make the orange colour

Pickled ginger – for the pink colour

Soy sauce – for the brown colour

Cut you Nori in half, one bit is used to wrap around the outside of the sushi roll.

Sushi 1

After that cut the other half of the seaweed into four equal pieces (not lengthwise to make four long strips but the other way to make the shape in the picture below).

Next you need to colour the rice. Do this by mixing some rice with whatever you’re using to colour your rice in a bowl. For each of the colours, you’ll only need about 2 large tablespoons of rice.

Now you can begin shaping the Sushi roll

First, make mini rolls using the small pieces of nori which we cut from the second half of the seaweed sheet. As a guide each roll should be 1/8th of the size of the original Seaweed sheet.

Carefully place a small amount of rice on the edge or the Seaweed and roll it up to make a thin roll. You are going to need 3 rolls of white rice and one roll of pink which is for the Cat’s mouth and you will need to make two of the white rolls smaller than the white and the pink ones by using less rice and rolling up tightly of course.

Sushi 2

Now because Cat’s noses are smaller, we make need to make one roll a lot thinner do this if you use a little Black Pepper to colour the rice it will look a lot more like a Cat’s nose – a sort of light brown colour.

Sushi 3

Now slice one of the white rolls and the pink rolls in half and carefully place the half sheet of nori onto your Sushi mat lengthwise, as we will be rolling ‘sideways.’

Spread some white, orange and black rice onto the nori in the pattern shown in the picture above. Make sure that the width of the black and orange stripes is the same as those of the semicircle rolls you made above and of course the white stripe in the middle should also be the same width.

Sushi 4

Place the two white semicircle rolls facing upwards onto the red and black lines. Fill the area between them with white rice and then place another layer of rice above this (obviously I didn’t put the layer of rice on in the picture above, so the nose ended up on the eyes).

Place the dark brown ‘nose’ roll in right in the centre of the layer of rice.

Sushi 5

Place both of the pink semicircles on top of the ‘nose’ facing downwards as shown. Then put a layer of rice over and around that so that the middle bit is a bit like a round mountain of rice.

Roll up the sushi using the mat then slice it up with a very sharp knife. If you need to, give the sushi a bit of a ‘massage’ to get it into the right shape.

Cut thin strips of nori and place them on the Sushi to make whiskers.

Using the two small white rolls from before, cut each into the same thickness as the Cat Sushi for the ears. then place two ears on each Cat Sushi and “hey presto” as rabbit interfering Magicians say – you are done and you will either have a tasty mess or with any luck a plateful of Cat Sushi. Do think of me when you are eating the good looking ones won’t you!

A HANDY TIPS

1. – If you are having trouble making clean cuts of your Sushi try this little tip. Moisten your knife with a mixture of water and Vinegar.

2. – Always cut Sushi quickly with one stroke.

3. – Your life will be easier if you wipe any sticky stuff off your blade after every cut.

For the more ambition Sushi makers.

I thought that you might like to see what one of my dear cuddly readers gave me for lunch the other day – “mmh mmh” was all this writer of masterpieces of feline literature could say but then I have heard it is rude to talk with ones mouth full!

Tom and Jerry sushi

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Jul 272011
 

I was in Turkey a little while ago researching my soontobereleased bestseller ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ when I saw this sign. I promise I was trying to mind my own business and indeed everyone else’s – but in my defence that is what a Travelogue writer does isn’t it? I have to say it wasn’t the way the judge saw it but heigh-ho that’s the way the fortune cookie crumbles sometimes isn’t it.

So this is, I believe, how the Turks deal with armed airline passengers and it is a worrying revelation they let them collect the weapons before boarding the aircraft from the Silah Teslim Yeri or Weapons Delivery Location that is worrying isn’t it!

Weapon Delivery Point

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Jun 232011
 

In Turkey they know that the average human holidaymaker is um err, how can I put this? Oh yes, an idiot and so the instructions for using a toilet are posted for all to read in German, English.

Of course these instructions make a lot of sense, you should eat and then use the toilet but I am sure you will agree if you read just a few lines under the important announcement (section 2 especially) you will see that the person who wrote this sign was in fact a complete idiot!

I don’t think I recommend reading the instructions about the toilet paper though – ugh Turks are just plain disgusting, happily though now we know what the worst job in the world. It’s emptying the basket of used toilet paper at breakfast time!

It’s odd isn’t it when you see the ads on TV for holiday destinations like Turkey and the other places in the world where the word hygiene is probably use as a greeting rather than a word that refers to the set of practices perceived by a community to be associated with the preservation of health and healthy living, that the colourful ads showing the heart and soul of the country don’t dwell on the important things like oh say for instance that if you go to Turkey you are likely to contract some exotic disease from the unemptied basket in your toilet.

Sorry this Cat can’t write anymore I feel sick!

Toilet Turkey

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Feb 022011
 

I’m traveling at the moment, doing research for my latest book a ‘Travelogue’ and I am currently in Turkey a land of fate watches, fake drugs, fake rugs, fake smiles, fake handbags and fake promise.

The odd thing about Turkey is that everything or more or less is fake, the Turks proudly sell fake this and fake that even the name is fake, its a bird they don’t eat!

The Turks are so proud of the fakes that they sell that they go just a bit over the top with the advertising on their shops like the one below for instance!

Fake Turkey.jpg

I tell you what though I was interested to know what the next shops good were like – what is a “Pashmina Silk Sunglasses Hat?” beats me as does a Cashmere Shawl Battery!

In an idle moment I wondered whether the Taxi which even though it is spelt Taksi is instantly recognised was fake and then I looked again saw that it was a ‘Dacia’ and realised that no one in their right mind would fake a ‘Dacia’ would they – let alone own one!

Of course I would like to immediately apologise to all Dacia owners out there if they have bought my latest book or are planning to buy it, if not the insult stays.

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