Mar 152012
 

I saw these pictures of the Moon, Jupiter and Venus online (unlike the real thing sadly) and thought I would share them with you my dear cuddly readers.

They clearly show that we live in a wonderful Universe which when we start to get to know it will be an exciting and magical place with endless surprises and opportunities.

Venus and Jupiter

Moon venus jupiter

What a shame then after thinking of all of that ‘higher’ stuff that I read in the newspapers that Russia wants to send a man or two to the Moon, not to explore, consider the wonder of the view like the first men on the Moon, but to dig it up for rare earths and collect something called Helium 3 which is apparently very very rare and so worth a big fortune.

I suppose that the next ‘Put’ as they will no doubt call future Tsars will then want to hold the rest of the world to ransom by limiting supply of this stuff like they do to Europe at the moment with their natural gas, just like the Arabs do with their oil and the Chinese do with their rare earths.

It is such a shame that the marvellous Cosmos is regarded by most humans as a place where they can go eventually to dig it up and make the same mess of the Universe as they have made of the home planet. What say us Cats rise up and do something about this. Oh look a plate of Prawns and someone has puffed up my pillow – maybe I can start the revolution tomorrow!


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 012010
 

It is true I am a bit late with this news and there are two reasons for that, the first is that I have been thinking very hard about the momentous achievement that is in this piece of news and secondly well we’ll get to that…

When I heard this news at first I though “huh…and!” Which of course is not a good place to start when considering Universe shattering (literally) news.

Then as I started to digest the news that scientists at the Large Hadron Collider (which lies under the lower priced areas of Swiss real estate next to France) have come the closest ever to re-enacting the beginning of the Universe (and we are talking about the Big Bang here and not some godlike being with a cement mixer) reproducing conditions a millionth of a second after the Big Bang I thought to myself “Makes you wonder why they didn’t go for the exact moment of the Big Bang rather than a millionth of a second after the Big Bang?”

Hadron C.jpg

What stopped them going right back to the beginning? The scientists have a very big machine – collider thingy! They have shed loads of cash, probably expresso coffee machines, a nice staff canteen and I’ll wager Prawns on tap! But still they didn’t go for the ‘big one’ the exact moment of the Big Bang. Was this some flaw in the character of the lead scientists, too cautious to stretch that little bit farther I wondered?

The I started to wonder (yes I did a lot of ‘wondering’ but then this is ‘wonderful’ isn’t it?) what did they get out of all of the time, money and commitment expended? The answer is a computer generated picture (below) and frankly not the best picture of a Big Bang I have seen!

If you want a great picture of the Big Bang then just look at the picture below the scientist’s one – it is the cover of a book/animated movie pitch that my translator John Woodcock is working on about some prehistoric dogs called Desmond, Denis and Dwight the ‘Dino Dogs’ frankly I think that is a much better, more interesting illustration and we all know his ‘limitations’ don’t we bless him!

Alice Event.jpg

The Dino Dogs at the Beginning of Time an animated movie – the Dino Dogs are also available for parties, speeches and lamp post washing.

Bang Cover Third Draft.jpg

Then after all that thinking (and don’t forget the ‘wondering’) I eventually thought to myself ‘I don’t really care what the pictures look like science is a wonderful thing and the Large Hadron Collider is brilliant and better still it is located under France and Switzerland and if it does happen to blow up anytime in the future it probably won’t affect yours truly and that frankly is the most wonderful news!’

LATE NEWS

I have some excellent news about my wonderful masterpiece of a book. My publisher put down his wine glass the other day, sobered up for a while and “arranged to send Amazon a new load of books” or that is what he said!

book-cover.jpg

Yesterday I contacted Amazon who were, as I said the other day, panicking about meeting demand and supply etc., and they say that they have received the consignments and tucked them safely away in their warehouses in the US, Australia and the UK all of which means that my fans won’t be disappointed you can of course order a book here Amazon.com or if you want to put more of the cash in my pocket then you can get the ebook or the paper version at my www – wickedly wonderful website – www.thecatsdiary.com.

It is good news that they got to the UK warehouse to beat the little bit of snow they had – there has been about an inch of snow in the UK and of course that means that the roads are blocked, trains aren’t running and worst of all the BBC Breakfast News has dedicated itself to the snow and the problems it has caused – what a shame this ‘world leading power,’ the UK and not the BBC obviously. is brought to its knees by an inch or two of snow!

Maybe instead of acting like a ‘world power’ which it no longer is, the UK should stop lending $13 billion to Ireland, sending aid money to India and China and invest in a little bit of salt and snowplows for the roads – you know do something for the poor devils trying to get to work, school and of course the airport to get out of the place who read my blog on a daily basis and who I care for as thought they are family and are now sitting abandoned in Cars, Trains and the staff accommodation of Sevenoaks railway station with only the ever dreadful BBC to listen to!

Here in Prague in the Czech Republic (for the geographically challenged) it was minus 12C overnight it has been snowing on and off for four days and the snow is thick and crunchy and it’s also cleared from all of the major roads, most of the other roads that matter, and the sidewalks as well, even as I write this blog the little orange van that comes around to empty the trash bins on the sidewalk has stopped to empty the bin – today it has been fitted with a snowplow and has a grit spreader on the back clever eh? Well no not according to the British who would say that the Czech Republic is ex-communist and therefore a bit backward and nowhere nears as modern as the UK!

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