Dec 032013
 

Now the title of this little blog of mine today might sound like a holiday season confession, but although I do like Turkey, though only the white meat, well I am a civilised Moggie, the subject of today’s blog is about Turkey the country, where I have to say I have never seen a feather covered Turkey roaming around which, is odd when you consider they named a country after the tasty little beasts!

Turkey is a sunny, happy place and if you avoid the latest craze, the rioting season, is a great place for a holiday, it is not expensive to eat there and the hotels tend to be on the economical side of expensive, if you see what I mean, you don’t oh dear, well you get five star service for a three star price, does that help?

Turks are in the main happy people and I have to say that unless I had heard all about the riots in the capital Istanbul I would have been astonished that they were capable of rioting, screwing you on the price of a carpet or some bit of handmade ‘tat’ in the bazaar yes, but that in their defence is just in their nature which has arabic overtones.

So Turkey is a bit of a fab place to visit, if you like either sandy beach holidays, the shopping type or can’t resist an old ruin or two and places of architectural interest and it’s jam packed with loads of them!

There is one small problem with Turkey and the Turks and that is in their use of road sign language and here is a perfect example.

Clear instructions fromTurkey

So does anyone know what on earth they are on about? Here is a little quiz which has naturally formed in the middle of my blog, that’s nice, and there will be a prize for the best three answers left as comments on this blog. As for a prize, hmm I think that the winners deserve no less than an electronic copy of my wonderful ‘Travelogue’ what lucky humans they will be!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Dec 022013
 

I believe this to be a rather out of the way place in New Jersey, USA.

An out of the way place in New Jersey USA

And other places as well of course tee hee!

Mind you I understand that once found it’s never forgotten, but as I say I have only heard that!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Jun 282012
 

It is one of the fundamental truths of life we all have dreams! Here is a version of the American Dream from Colorado.

We all have dreams Colorado

At first I though that this dream was simple but the hard, agonising truth, is that the more you think about wanting clean dirt the more impossible it is to make that dream a reality. Just as the folks who ran nuclear power stations around the world that have had accidents have probably discovered and will be striving for ‘clean dirt’ for hundreds of years to come.

Did you know that since 1961 until now there have been 99, yes 99 (what a shame you can’t put numbers in capitals) nuclear accidents! Staring with Idaho Falls, Idaho, United States in January 1961 and ending with the disaster at Mihama Nuclear Power Plant Fukushima, Japan in 2011.

Though not responsible in any way for the accident at Three Mile Island, here is a picture of President Jimmy Carter on the scene, I think he looks a bit guilty, but that could be shock! Couldn’t it?

Pres Carter 3 Mile Island

You have to wonder just how strictly rules and procedures were enforced back in those days , and of course now, because nuclear plants can “go up” at any time.

Why am I asking that pointed, or to some pointless, question well the sign above the President’s head says “UNNECESSARY PERSONNEL STAY BEHIND LINE” clearly in the picture the radiation bootied Pres has both feet over those all important lines.

Oh sorry I forgot the Three Mile Island did “go up” didn’t it! Which I suppose answers my question doesn’t it!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Nov 122010
 

Sssh! Don’t say anything and never you mind about my disguise, and yes, before you ask this false beard is ticklish but I’ll tell you this not half as annoying as the false eyelashes or the padded bra – ok I have got my disguise mixed up a little but what I have to tell you is important and I’ve only got a minute – they’re after me!

The shocking photograph which came into my possession recently was secretly given to me by a ‘source’ at NASA knowing that I would publish it and not worry about the consequences because I know you would like to see what the Chinese are doing right now – well ok at the beginning of last month! And frankly I am too famous to become the main course at a Beijing restaurant aren’t I?

“In early October 2010, a high-pressure weather system settled over eastern China, and air pollution began to build up for nearly a week – which means that instead of flying off and poisoning the rest of the world the Chinese got a does of their own ‘medicine.’

By the 9th of October, China’s National Environmental Monitoring Centre declared air quality ‘poor’ to ‘hazardous’ around Beijing and in 11 eastern provinces.”

Apparently visibility was reduced to 100m in some areas (not a long way in good old fashioned non-metric measurement), and at least 32 people died in traffic accidents caused by the poor visibility, many more suffered with asthma and other respiratory problems.

The Ozone Monitoring Instrument on Nasa’s Aura satellite detected extremely high levels of aerosol particles (visible in the lower left of image so my contact said) and sulphur dioxide, from coal-fired power plants (lower right) on 8th of October. Apparently peak concentrations were six to eight times the norm for China, and 20 times the norm for the US.

Pollution-over-China-004.jpg

So as well as making very poor quality products like say oh Mac Mini’s for instance and annoying famous Feline authors the Chinese are doing their best to kill us all with air pollution, just when we in the west are making things a little better bit by bit.

Nice to see that the US of A is looking clean these days (although could do better is on the school report I believe) what a shame we have to put up with the Chinese filth, their badly made products and worst of all their bellicose attitude to the rest of the world.

As of today we in the know are still waiting for China to say sorry that they are a bunch of nasty polluters and do something about this and worse we are waiting for charities like Greenpeace and the WWF to at least say something about this disgraceful and dangerous behaviour or even go out on a limb and actually criticise countries like China and of course those arch polluters in India, but they don’t they, like western governments these days handle them with kid gloves and don’t annoy them by doing something simple like oh I don’t know – tell the truth for a change!

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Dec 112009
 
Drink.png

Mixing metaphors is like mixing drinks, it can produce an intemperate tirade of nonsense, similar to the intoxicatingly dumb and boring stories that currently beset poor, only in the sad stakes, Tiger Woods.

Now I have to say that of course I really have difficulty stirring myself to defend an idiot, and as the once mighty Tiger has admitted in so many words he was an idiot, but as a Feline I feel it is my duty to defend a Tiger, no matter how faded and tarnished this idiot’s image may be.

So after talking on the phone to my people who talked to the Tiger’s people who shared some black coffee with the Tiger, here is a short statement that both sides have agreed upon.

“Tiger Woods is not such a bad person you know and is was only practising at the 19th hole!”

As Eight-time Grand Slam winner Andre Agassi said when he awoke recently, don’t be so cruel to the Tiger and don’t judge him too harshly. “It’s irresponsible to jump to conclusions on Tiger Woods without the full facts after recent claims about the golfer’s private life…” Then he dropped off to sleep again.

Just remember that incredibly rich people have a right to let off steam once in a while and better still have, if they are sensible, a large number of PR people who can ensure usually that the ‘facts’ are never ‘full’ by any means.

So quite frankly my advice to the tarnished Tiger is to get better PR people. Frankly I would have thought that a small car crash in possibly an alcoholic haze, while possibly beating your wife with a five iron can be smoothed over rather easily if you have the right PR people, just ask the Kennedy clan!

Finally I have to say that as of this moment in time there is not going to be any announcement regarding the replacement of the Tiger with The Cat on the side of some bottles of Gatorade. Frankly just like the disgraced Tiger, The Cat would only drink that rubbish on camera and for large amounts of the folding stuff, but a Kitty has got to live! So watch this space.

However here at The Cat HQ (a sober and clean place where no wife beating has ever taken place) we were sent the picture below by an anonymous advertising agency, who simple asked The Cat for his opinion on some new artwork.

As of this moment that is all we can say on the subject of the new and improved Gatorade which, never fear, will be on the shelves for the Holiday Season.

The-Cat-Drink.png

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Nov 272009
 
FatCatDryfood.png

It is true! Not all fat Cats are Bankers, according to those nice people at Purina a third of all pets in the UK are overweight,* so if that is the case what about the numbers in the states? It doesn’t bear thinking about does it?

So what are we going to do? I know, you could feed us Cats Prawns! Prawns are the perfect food they are full of energy, protein and not at all fattening. And of course some vegetarians eat Prawns, you know the ones I mean who don’t understand the word ‘vegetarian.’

Still I would happily live just on a diet of Prawns. So if you want to send me buckets or lorry loads I will happily munch my way to fitness.

Editors note:
As you will know from his book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary,” available here Amazon.com,The Cat is sadly addicted to Prawns and although he is allowed them once in a while as a treat to send lorry loads to him as he suggested would be impractical, so please if you have followed his instructions and the lorries are on their way to The Cat Headquarters do please stop them and turn them around now.

The image used in this blog is deliberately distorted to preserve anonimity of this poor flabby feline, but we know who you are chubby chops don’t we!

* Source http://www.purina.co.uk

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