Dreadful recipes from around the world pt 1 – in a can

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Feb 222012
 

The label says it all! I’m afraid.

Palestinian Cooking Isn t Up To Much


About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”


Here are just a few things that you shouldn’t leave the house without – well if you have an Apple iPad you probably don’t need an Amazon Kindle Fire thingy but I am sure that you see what and mean and never, ever leave home without taking a copy of one of my wonderful books will you? Happily they come in both paper and electronic form.












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Don’t listen to this while driving!

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Feb 092012
 

Eagle Waterfall

Having trouble sleeping? Well help might be at hand or is that ‘ear?’

A group called Marconi Union recently teamed up with a band of boffins to create what they say is “the most relaxing music track ever.” The track is supposed to not only sooth you but also slows breathing and reduce brain activity – for some humans the last feature might be dangerous because I have noticed in some humans very little of that!

The boffins and the band were commissioned and sponsored by Radox the bath salt (and more) people and they have used the track in an ad campaign. You can have an eight minute gawp at the video here Weightless on uTube be warned the music might not send you to sleep but the movie – of the sun setting over the sea with water lapping over a rock where the beach meets the sea might just want to make you need to pee, it did that to me! (Back in a mo).

There is of course a load of scientific nonsense and double speak about what the sound does to you and your brain, the chemical reactions and whatnot but frankly I thought it was a load of hogwash or is that soft soap? Bearing in mind the sponsors tee hee!

I listened to ‘Weightless’ because I was curious, I don’t need a song to send me to sleep just a warm lap after a pile of Prawns. Now because I like Trance music I liked ‘Weightless’ but to my ears (normal Cat music ability caveat applies here) it didn’t send me to sleep or even calm me much. It is just wave after wave of sound with a little tinkling of a bell here and there, it is all very well but insomniacs beware I think you should listen to any banker describing his or her part in the financial mess we are all covered in to send you more effectively to bye-byes.

All in all I don’t think that weightless will find its way to my iPod it isn’t as good as say Mr. DJ Tiësto’s ‘In Search of Sunrise 5: Los Angeles below.

In Search of Sunrise 5

The first track called ‘Malibu Beach’ is haunting but sadly is dwarfed by ‘Weightless’ being only just over 2 minutes long. The whole Album is worth listening to, although of course, you have to remember that each track is only ‘mixed’ by Mr. DJ Tiësto the creative hard work was done by the artists who I suspect didn’t earn as much as Mr. DJ Tiësto out of the album when it came out in 2006! For all of that it’s worth having on your iPod, as are a lot of Trance Albums, especially, in the main, the early stuff before every Fred, Ned and Ted started mixing tracks to cash in on the trend.

Flamingos

Because I am a Cat who cares about the lovely cuddly readers of my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, my amazing peerless blog to say nothing of my incredible books ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ available here The Cat’s Page at Amazon.com I thought that you would like to know which tracks are considered to be the top ten most relaxing tracks ever produced.

The ‘artists’ (if you can call poor old Mozart a mere ‘artist’ but then look at the company he is keeping) are in bold just in case, like me, you have difficulty calling to mind the greatest works of say ‘All Saints’ or ‘Barcelona’:

1. Marconi Union – Weightless

2. Airstream – Electra

3. DJ Shah – Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix)

4. Enya – Watermark

5. Coldplay – Strawberry Swing

6. Barcelona – Please Don’t Go

7. All Saints – Pure Shores

8. Adele – Someone Like You

9. Mozart – Canzonetta Sull’aria

10. Cafe Del Mar – We Can Fly

I have to be truthful and tell you that the list above isn’t ‘my list’ if you see what I mean so I can’t promise it’s perfect but it’s a list and like the graph from the other day sometimes a blog needs a list, although having said that today’s blog is a bit of a monster of a blog and probably doesn’t need anything else it is perfect without a list, but then the list is there just in case you are in to lists.

Lastly

I thought you humans would like the pictures except for the picture of Mr. DJ Tiësto’s album cover they have nothing whatsoever to do with the subject of this blog. But I expect they are rather relaxing except for the Eagle’s wife in the first picture who is shouting down to her husband “you fool you are flying too close the waterfall… again!” And the Flamingoes in the second picture. The one in the middle was heard to say, “I hate standing in brackish water,” while his offended companion replies, “well Franklin that is really ungrateful, the flock only comes here so that you can soak your swollen ankles in the stuff!”


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”


Here are some useful links (as I believe they say in the SEO trade) they will whisk you off to all sorts of goodies if you want to either buy copies of my books (either in the good old paper format or indeed in the more modern ebook format) and if you haven’t yet treated your good self to an ereader (TIP – it’s a bit of an essential if you want to read ebooks) then there are some links to Amazon.com where you can get a nice shiny new one.


My books – just in case you are confused

‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle/epub edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

‘The Cat’s Travelogue’

Paperback edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle/epub edition of The Cat’s Travelogue


And finally (you can breathe a sigh of relief) here are some picture links showing the products that you can read my wonderful ebook on, I hope you like them, but more than that I hope you use them to buy your much needed ebook reader, iPod or even iPhone because if you do those nice people at www.amazon.com will send me a small consideration for your purchase aren’t they nice?


Things you can read my ebooks on – again just in case you are confused


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I Made Rice Pudding Yesterday

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Feb 072012
 

It was so cold yesterday that I decided to indulge myself in a little English soul food, me being a furry little English soul, so it seemed just right.

English food has the ability to make you feel not only warm when you eat it but also has a cheering effect and though I never do seem to need cheering up I certainly enjoyed the warm feeling of every mouthful hitting the spot, if you see what I mean.

I was so pleased with the outcome that I thought I would share the recipe with you my dear readers you never know you might be not only feeling cold but also a bit down in the dumps but if you make this Rice Pudding you’ll feel so much better and if one of the reasons you are feeling down in the dumps is that you are hard up the great thing about this recipe is that it really doesn’t cost much too cook, especially if you take the dish full of raw ingredients around to a neighbour and use their stove. Mind you it does take 2 hours to cook so make sure that you have a lot of conversation topics prepared.

Old fashioned Rice Pudding

This Rice Pudding is so simple to make just measure out rice, milk, butter, sugar and mix them all together in the oven dish you are going to cook it in, stir it all together one last time and then follow the very limited instructions on the recipe I have added above.

I got my recipe for Rice Pudding from the ‘Mother of all TV cooks’ the patron saint of daytime TV Saint Delia Smith, she was the first TV cook back in the 1970′s and taught a whole nation how to burn Beef Bourguignon, cock up Coq au vin and be adventurous in the kitchen, and as we all simmered, sautéed and sliced our way through countless new recipes that dear Delia had careful made so simple to follow our cooking abilities grew.

Delia

Delia Smith is definitely the reason I like to cook and I often refer to her website deliaonline if I am wondering what to do with a Prawn or Carrot or indeed both!

First I ate beef stew with plenty of carrots in it and of course loads of beef and then I ate the Rice Pudding and then I tried doing the washing up while holding my stomach off the floor and smiling to myself singing a little song about not worrying about being a fat Cat, though of course the nicer kind of fat Cat and not some masked arsehole from a merchant bank, railway authority or the royal family.


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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A bit of Snow

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Feb 062012
 

Cat in the Snow

Well it has finally happened, Central Europe, and other odd bits attached to this particular bit of the Continent have frozen solid as the temperatures touch paw freezingly awful parts of the thermometer usually unexplored by us middle earth dwellers and more common in chilly bits of the world like Siberia, Alaska and of course the two all-white bits at the top and bottom of any Atlas.

It’s cold here in Prague, currently it’s minus 17C which is about just over 1 degree in Fahrenheit and frankly though it was colder over night -26C (which is minus 15 degrees F) Prague is on the warm side compared to parts of Bulgaria, Serbia, Poland and the Ukraine which and covered in blankets of frozen snow producing daytime temperatures of -30C the ‘C’ in this case meaning ‘cold.’

But as this picture from Kiev (below) shows, where it was -30C, life goes on as it does around most of Europe.

Kiev Tram 30
Indeed as I sit on the windowsill above a radiator which is full on I can see that the roads here are clear, bundles of people in furry coats are bustling here and there and in the distance there is a Tram rattling on its rails while overhead in the ice white sky there are a couple of vapour trails made by aeroplanes using full throttle to take off from the nearby airport.

You could say therefore that the Czech republic like any other civilised modern country is coping well and still – as the ever awful Mrs Thatcher used to say “open for business.” Imagine my surprise then at the headlines of the newspapers from that most modern and go-ahead country of all Great Britain, ‘Just 3 inches of snow halts half of all flights at Heathrow’ and ‘Roads will be like ice rinks for a week, drivers warned.’

UK Snow

What is it with the Brits? The barometer follows the thermometer down and the whole of Britain comes to a halt and that is in spite of having what I read was “records amounts of salt” (used to clear roads in the UK and also to flavour Chips and well everything edible).

Judging by the reports about the roads and the all other forms of transport I imagine the “records amounts of salt” are still safely locked up nice and warm in depots around the country and have been since early December, in fact just like the Queen who begins her Jubilee Year today, she and other members of the royals who have been ensconced in Sandringham a luxury palace in Norfolk on holiday since the middle of December which is rather nice!

Snow in the UK

Of course you get the feeling that the royals would rather be somewhere tropical but in times of hardship in the UK and nervousness about whether or not someone will give them the latest handout that they want – a new royal yacht – they are keeping their heads down in what is probably one of the best and most exclusive spa resorts in the world, though between you and me I bet the decoration is just plain awful, the royals after all have terrible taste and if you ever troll around a royal palace when open to the public you can see that for yourself.

So instead of spending 60 or so million pounds of a shiny new royal yacht for the monarch maybe the people of Great Britain should spend the money wisely, on some nice shiny gritting trucks and polished snow ploughs and if the royals want to they can drive them when they are not on holiday it might actually give them something to do and let’s face it it will be cheaper to the teach them how to drive a truck than it will be to teach them to drive a helicopter which is what they usually want to have a go on!

And looking to the long term when the royals are taken out of service because of budgetary cuts when the country decides it can no longer afford to keep a kennelful they will have a trade that suits their lifestyles, after all it only snows for a few weeks of the year in the UK and so the job of snow shifter would be perfect for them all wouldn’t it?


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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A Bit Of Dysfunctional Faith

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Jan 312012
 

I should imagine by now that everyone in the world knows that I am a very famous Feline author of several bestselling (thankfully) books, the first ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ sold more copies than the Bible (when translated in to Inuit) and the second ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ is currently outselling the English language version of Steve Job’s biography in Uzbekistan to say nothing of the latest book from Newt Gingrich ‘Newt’s Tips On A Successful Marriage’ which concentrates on being faithful and has a foreword by prince Charles.

Unfortunately as yet neither of my masterpieces of Feline Literature have eclipsed sales of prince Andrew the Duke of York’s latest book ‘Dictators, Autocrats and Paedophiles I Know and Respect’ but then I suppose everyone wants to read a book written by the world’s most famous frequent flyer and discover how they could get so many free trips by displaying pure ignorance and a total lack of judgement. Just a thought I wonder if he will go back to Turkey where there is an outstanding arrest warrant for her ferginess the duchess of York?

And so on to my lovely picture today which I saw while researching my latest unputdownable book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue,’ look Newt and Andrew here is somewhere that will welcome you with open arms, just pop down to the Faith Baptist Church and as the sign says “you will fit right in!”

Is Yours A Dysfunctional Family If So Join The Baptist Church

Just recently and for no reason really, except the website address is on the sign, I went onto the website for the Faith Baptist Church in New Brunswick, Canada and I promise you it was everything I hoped it would be from the ‘Donut Club’ to the desperately cheesy pictures of the happy families who “join us on Sunday.”

Sadly although I spent quite a long time on the website – ok three minutes but I promise you that was all I could bear I am only human oops ‘feline – I didn’t see a single family who looked ‘dysfunctional’ in any way whatsoever although one of the teenagers hanging from a tree looked more than a little strange.

Still I am sure that the sugar fuelled members of the Donut Club, which to quote the Faith Baptist Church’s professional copywriter exactly “The Donut Club is our mid-week children’s program for kids kindergarten through grade 5. Every week they enjoy music, games, a Bible lesson and a special visit from Duncan the Donut. Donut Club meets every Tuesday from 6:30-7:45pm,” will probably carry out sugar induced rampages at some point in time and if you wonder why just as yourself how many Donuts can a kid eat in an hour and fifteen minutes? The answer is an awful lot!

So the only really ‘dysfunctional’ thing about the Faith Baptist Church is their billboard, just look closely at the website and you won’t see any dysfunctional people, not even Duncan the Donut, which is a shame because they tend to be my favourites!


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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No Mental Patients Allowed – It Must Be China

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Jan 272012
 

No Mental Patients Guilin China

The safety instructions for riding a cable car in Gulin, China would amusing if they didn’t show how dreadfully backward and prejudice the richest communists in the world really are!

Of course I can understand that people riding the cable car should be discouraged from taking explosives on board, and smelly things that can “irritate the nose” and if I knew what “lolling People” were, I would probably stop them from boarding too, but is it fair, reasonable or just to prohibit “mental Patients,” or even “dull-witted Patients” to be forced to spend hours trolling up a mountain instead of sailing up in a few minutes? I don’t think so do you?

The prejudice of the Chinese doesn’t just apply to the unfortunate among us who suffer mental health problems apparently, according to Chinese authorities if you are “liable to carsickness” you must be mentally ill – see point 4.1!

Which all goes to prove that not only should we not buy the shoddy goods manufactured in China which are made to the ‘break out of the box’ principle, we shouldn’t go to China on holiday either.


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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The Trams of Prague

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Jan 252012
 

I just wanted to say well done to my Translator Mr. John Woodcock because his ebook ‘Tram No6 – The Naughtiest of Trams’ which is the first book in the ‘The Trams of Prague’ series has started to sell really well as a the number of people who have colour ebook readers grows thanks to the enormous increase in sales of the Amazon Kindle Fire and the iPad.

trams-cover.jpg

Mr. John Woodcock says that he thinks the reason why ‘Tram No6 – The Naughtiest of Trams’ is selling so well is that it’s illustrated in colour through-out and was one of the first picture books written and developed for colour ereaders (probably why it stuck on the shelves of Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk for so long before they we’re invented – and not my first thought which was that he is a talentless nobody who is only employed as my translator because he is the only human in the world who can speak Cat. You will know exactly what I think of him if you have read my book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ which out sells Mr. John Woodcock’s book by thousands to one!

Of course I very rarely make references to other books when I can always mention my own which are such masterpieces but there is always a first time for everything as my Mum said when she was strapping the Bungee cord to her ankle, which of course is another story… which I am writing at the moment and Mr. John Woodcock is desperately trying to translate!

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