Mar 292012
 

If you live fast then you may want to use this travel agent! Based in Seoul, Korea and Swansea (obviously) Dai Young Travel never fail to deliver death defying holidays with their partner airline which is obviously JetBlue.

Dai Young Travel

JetBlue I hear you cry, where is the joke in that? Well my cuddly boys and girls if you read the paper you would have read all about the fun and games laid on by the pilot of the JetBlue flight from JFK to Las Vegas as the ranting pilot was pinned down by passengers, one of whom then made an emergency landing in Amarillo Texas.

JetBlue

I could of course have added a picture of the poor unfortunate devil being ‘de-planed’ (as they used to say) strapped to a gurney and screaming, but I thought that was a little sick and so my dear cuddly readers you will have to be content with a picture above. Of course if you want to witness the poor devils suffering you can turn to any national newspaper and of course Google or YouTube who all obviously have much lower standards than this Cat.

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Nov 032011
 

Is it just me or are you worried too?

I ask this question because things, it seems, have gone rather quiet at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, in fact things have gone too quiet if you ask me!

Why hasn’t there been any news from the Large Hadron Collider, only a month or so ago were were promised a glimpse at the ‘God particle’ as it is known to say nothing of a look up the skirt (as it were) at the Higgs boson but sadly the hypothetical massive elementary particle remains firmly ‘hypothetical’ as far as I am aware.

Higgs event

So what has happened? Has something gone wrong? I’m worried aren’t you? No I am very worried why aren’t you? If that baby ‘goes up’ some say that their flat world will sink, worrying stuff isn’t it?

I was wondering if I’d had my iPod on too loud and missed a large bang just a few countries away? There has been a lot of fog in Prague recently, but that is just fog not smoke, well that what I tell myself, it comforts me!

Surely something should have happened by now at the world’s most expensive experiment, well the world most expensive experiment if you don’t include the one currently being held to discover exactly what talent Justin Bieber possess; 2 billion hits on YouTube teh!^ It just goes to show exactly how poor the taste of 28% the world’s population actually is!

If anyone can tell me what Justin Beiber does I would be grateful he is either so far below or above this Cat’s radar that he actually doesn’t exist or maybe, just maybe Justin Bieber is what the Large Hadron Collider has discovered or worse created and they are keeping very, very quiet about it.

Oh look what I have found a picture (below) of little Justin Bieber. For those of you who are old enough you must remember Donny Osbourne? Surely Justin is a Donny clone? (Picture of Donny below as well to prove this clever Cat’s point!)

Justinbieber

Donny O

I wondered what Donny Osbourne is doing these days so I searched for ‘osbourne’ in Google of course and came up with this recent snap. I see he is still in the music business and isn’t that Marie in the background at the Mormon tabernacle? They both look as though they have gone through a spin cycle at the Large Hadron Collider don’t they? I think it’s them though of course I could be wrong I am only a Cat after all!

Blacksunday

^Note

The word teh above is not a typo it’s used to describe the sound that a Cat makes when expressing disbelief! Just thought I would tell you so you don’t think I’m uneducated.

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Oct 082010
 

On July 22nd this year I was minding my own business flying my private plane over China and unfortunately seem to have cause a bit of a stir for the poor little Cat eaters below! It seems as though quite a number of newly affluent Chinese peasants filmed me with their shiny new Japanese video and still cameras which were obviously hot of a near-by production line.

And to make matters worse a lot of scientists at a local observatory called the Purple Mountain Observatory took some snaps as well and then in spite of the amazing difficulties involved because of the draconian censorship laws that China has, have managed to post their video and indded the peasant’s video as well on YouTube.

You know YouTube it is that awful site that when you visit it for any reason downloads advertising tracking cookies to your hard drive and then reports back enormous quantites of your personal private information to the people paying for the ads, information like who you are, where you live, what programs you run, and how many hairs your Granny has on her chin as well I imagine.

Anyway I would like to apologise to the Chinese peasants, the people at the Purple Mountain Observatory together with the boffins at the Chinese Academy of Sciences who all had a bit of a fright and most of all to the boffins at the Purple Mountain Observatory and Chinese Academy of Sciences are going to study the out of focus video for the next six months.

Furthermore I would like to say to these misguided boffins don’t waste your time on the poor quality video of me whistling through your aerospace instead take that precious time and try and improve the quality of manufacture in your half asses factories because it doesn’t matter what you buy these days if it has “Made in China” smeared on it you can guarantee that it will break very quickly or in the case of my translator’s socks have holes in before he puts them on. What is it with the Chinese don’t they wear socks?

Just think if the scientists did what this sagely Cat suggests and improved the quality of the manufacture of things they so hurriedly make in China socks might come with just the regulation ‘one’ hole in each foot and the video the scientists and peasants shot recently would be in focus and you all might be lucky enough to see me waving from the cockpit of my lovely silver plane instead of making daft statements to the press and of course adding more rubbish to the dreadful YouTube site and lining Google’s pockets with even more of the folding stuff from the ads they show there and your personal private information they collect and (probably) sell without your knowledge.

Me.jpg