My dear friends and investors, I would like to take a moment to talk about some articles in the gutter press, such as The Financial Times, the Wall Street Journal and of course the BBC damn their keyboards, that report some ‘problems’ that we here are having at Cat World.

What can I say except – financial problems? What financial problems? There is talk I believe that after borrowing several hundred billion dollars from friends, relatives and complete strangers and spending it in a wise fashion, very quickly, that we can’t meet the repayments.

Nothing, I have to say is further from the truth we can meet the repayments on these world record loans, we just want to wait a few years to do that, then at a time when the dollar, which it is true we have helped to cripple, is worth as much as the chocolate filled tinfoil coins on a Christmas tree we’ll make some repayments.

Our advisers, ex board members of the Bank of Credit and Commerce, have assured us that this is not only perfectly legal but something which is done everyday in the banking world.

So my fellow board members of Cat World the wonderful entertainment, holiday destination, business centre and housing complex and I want to squash all of these dreadful rumours before they get out of hand and do something terrible, like say adversely affect the world’s stock exchanges, we would like to do that but unfortunately we are off on holiday and will get back to you later.

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