Being Famous!

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Being famous does have a downside as I found out only yesterday when I was minding my own business walking along the street behind my troupe of flunkies who were handing out signed photographs of a superstar and literary sensation namely me! A little trick I have picked up from some rap artists who might not have much in the way of talent but are great at PR but sadly are held back under the weight of their gold chains.

Some woman crashed through security, who was chatting up some teen, and is going to be ‘talked’ to later and accosted me! Now this is not the first time I have been accosted I have been accosted before and rather enjoyed it but I have a feeling that was light accosting and nothing like yesterday’s dose.

Superstars like me are used to a little light accosting, I understand George Clooney goes out of his way to be accosted and poor little Jennifer Aniston would just love it if someone would even look as though they were going to accost her in the street but sadly no takers.

But few superstars get really accosted in the streets these days so I suppose that what the woman did was a bit of a compliment really, though even now I can’t quite understand what she was on about but then I think that she had forgotten her medication, if you know what I mean!

She grabbed my fur coat and said, “You should leave that poor mouse Jerry alone!” then she ran off after giving my arm another shake or two and refusing a signed picture of me, still doesn’t make any sense to me.

If anyone speaks mad and can translate for me that would be wonderful, if I write a new diary I will definitely include her in it, the world, though not short of looneys does need them.

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Tiger Woods, The Cat Rolls Up His Sleeves and Dives In

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Mixing metaphors is like mixing drinks, it can produce an intemperate tirade of nonsense, similar to the intoxicatingly dumb and boring stories that currently beset poor, only in the sad stakes, Tiger Woods.

Now I have to say that of course I really have difficulty stirring myself to defend an idiot, and as the once mighty Tiger has admitted in so many words he was an idiot, but as a Feline I feel it is my duty to defend a Tiger, no matter how faded and tarnished this idiot’s image may be.

So after talking on the phone to my people who talked to the Tiger’s people who shared some black coffee with the Tiger, here is a short statement that both sides have agreed upon.

“Tiger Woods is not such a bad person you know and is was only practising at the 19th hole!”

As Eight-time Grand Slam winner Andre Agassi said when he awoke recently, don’t be so cruel to the Tiger and don’t judge him too harshly. “It’s irresponsible to jump to conclusions on Tiger Woods without the full facts after recent claims about the golfer’s private life…” Then he dropped off to sleep again.

Just remember that incredibly rich people have a right to let off steam once in a while and better still have, if they are sensible, a large number of PR people who can ensure usually that the ‘facts’ are never ‘full’ by any means.

So quite frankly my advice to the tarnished Tiger is to get better PR people. Frankly I would have thought that a small car crash in possibly an alcoholic haze, while possibly beating your wife with a five iron can be smoothed over rather easily if you have the right PR people, just ask the Kennedy clan!

Finally I have to say that as of this moment in time there is not going to be any announcement regarding the replacement of the Tiger with The Cat on the side of some bottles of Gatorade. Frankly just like the disgraced Tiger, The Cat would only drink that rubbish on camera and for large amounts of the folding stuff, but a Kitty has got to live! So watch this space.

However here at The Cat HQ (a sober and clean place where no wife beating has ever taken place) we were sent the picture below by an anonymous advertising agency, who simple asked The Cat for his opinion on some new artwork.

As of this moment that is all we can say on the subject of the new and improved Gatorade which, never fear, will be on the shelves for the Holiday Season.

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