Good-bye Kitty the Library Cat

It was a great idea, to have a Cat in a library, the staff loved it, the kids loved it, the PR people reveled in it and I hear tell that ‘Kitty the Library Cat’ didn’t mind being a library cat at all. In fact after a hard day sleeping, being petted and performing the occasional death defying leap from one bookcase to another Kitty believed that she had made her contribution to society.

All of that sadly has come to an abrupt end. After just a few months as the official library Cat at the Musser Public library in Muscatine, Iowa ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ has been told that her services are no longer needed.

At first ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ was heartbroken and when she tearfully enquired why she was being let go she became very embarrassed when she heard that she was getting her pink slip because of an ‘infestation.’

‘Kitty the ex-library Cat,’ like all Cats, occasionally plays host to a few hundred free loaders, humans call them fleas. And just because ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ had one or two fleas the library decided enough was enough.

Personally this Cat would like to bet that ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ was flea free before she went to work at the library, after all it winter was just ending when she signed on and we all know that fleas don’t live on Cats in the winter they hop off don’t they.

One of the places that fleas like to hop off to in the winter if they can is public place that has good heating. It’s like when Grandma and Grandpa go down to Palm Desert for the winter. Now correct me if I am wrong but aren’t libraries rather toasty in the winter?

I think that ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ should chat to a lawyer in my opinion she has a case for compensation here. Does anyone know a good bar or barrack room where we can find a lawyer for Kitty; if you do please let me know.

Kitty No Longer the Library Cat

One of ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’s’ favourite books, I am happy to say, is my book the very wonderful and extremely funny work of genius that represents the pinnacle of feline literature. (Until my next is published book of course).

You can see for yourself if Kitty has great taste in feline literature by getting my amazing book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” at your local bookstore, or indeed here at my www – wickedly wonderful website or here at good old

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Is That The Best They Can Do?

I am always grateful to people who are crazy about Cats, they are fun to talk to, nice to be around and yes of course they buy my book by the thousand which is wonderful and of course available here if you aren’t one of those lucky enough to have it yet..

So bearing that in mind I have been recently looking at things that people can buy for people who like Cats. The choice (apart from my wonderful book of course) is pretty dire and below is a perfect example. The colours, the style are just appalling and the message is a little odd.

If anyone makes excellent Cat related products and gifts and would like to sell them from my store at my amazingly popular www – wickedly wonderful website I will gladly give them the space – well for a consideration of course – you have to buy prawns with something I discovered sadly when I popped into my local fishmonger with two mice and a song bird and wanted to do a trade.

Crazy Cat Mug

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Horny Or Horni Are They The Same?

As you may or may not know I live in the Czech republic and the Police here are plentiful and err wonderful, well they are if you believe the signs.

Horni Police

Actually ‘Horni Police’ is nothing to do with the ‘police’ but you could, if you wanted to have the oddest address, live there Horni Police is village and municipality in Česká Lípa District in the Liberec Region of the Czech Republic and nothing to do with amorous police folk.

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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A Royal Event And It’s Unapproved Merchandise

As you may or may not be aware the British royal family is about to have a wedding, the marriage of St Diana the peoples princess’s son to someone or the other. The hope is that this time a royal marriage might be less disastrous than most of the family’s recent weddings which have not lasted long, caused enormous scandals, and even worried MI5 the British secret service and it is possible the happy couple have been more or less married in common law since they shacked up together at university.

So to celebrate ‘the occasion’ as some would call it, the merchandising department of Buckingham palace has been busy giving the regal nod, for a ‘consideration’ to all sorts of tat that is in the shops now, including some sort of dreadful game from the bride’s family who are as eager as the groom’s family to cash in on their daughter’s good fortune, as they probably see it.

Obviously with every merchandising ‘event’ from Disney Movies to well err Pixar movies the quality of the merchandising has to be monitored carefully by the rights holder so that the ‘right’ impression of the event and the status of those involved is forever carved in plastic.

The merchandising mangers in Buckingham Palace have been careful to ensure that the image of the ‘happy couple’ and their royal relations is one that creates the right impression and so they have only licensed “appropriate” merchandising.

Here for your delight, if you really adore rubbish, is a selection of the royal wedding merchandising that seems to have slipped through the net and not been given the royal seal of approval, which is odd because the selection beautiful sums up the regally happy couple, the family into which the bride is marrying and indeed the ‘entiresome’ event.

Let me explain the word ‘entiresome’ it’s a newly invented word (I invented it for this article in fact) and it’s used to explain, in one word, something that’s not only ‘entirely’ ‘tiresome’ but also everything that is to do with it is as well.

So here for your pleasure are just a few merchandising items that I think beautifully sum up the happy event with a commentary where ‘unnecessary’ tee hee!

If you are like me the first example of royal wedding tat is something you really couldn’t do without.


I am sure that you will agree with me I can’t understand why these uncannily lifelike moulded plastic replicas of the royal family and the happy couple weren’t approved by Buckingham Palace! It’s sad that a lot of Chinese workers hard work has it would seem gone to waste, still i believe there is one scrap of silver in the lining of the story and that is that the models are recyclable.


It is a mystery to me why these excellent single cup tea bags haven’t seen the royal nod, the images look, let’s face it, very much like the royal subjects especially wills and tea is the national drink of the UK.


Just look at the craftsmanship that went into producing the salt cellar below and then think about the poor souls who slaved away for little or no wages to help celebrate the happy occasion, I feel for these people when I think their exquisite commemorative condiments were not on the offical list of rubbish that is being sold to help everyone celebrate this ‘momentous’ occasion.

I have to say I am using the word ‘momentous’ in an entirely new what here because I hope that when used in the same sentences as the words ‘royal wedding’ it will come to mean something that is forgotten in a moment.

Idiot Salt

Last but not least The Cat and his friends have produced their very own tribute to the happily royal couple ladies and gentlemen we give you dave the Cat and Crown! Dave the Cat as always is elegant, tasteful and regal in a bobble hat.

Dave the Cat and Crown

If you would like to purchase a copy of Dave the Cat’s commemorative picture you can do so reply to this blog or write to me The Cat at for details. If you have bought or want to buy any of the official or unofficial tat that is on sale to commemorate this happy occasion do let me The Cat know and I will arrange for someone to visit you and provide counselling.

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Bette The Cat With Heart

Nature sometimes is odd and always unpredictable and just to prove that I give you Bette a Cat with a big heart, a big heart on her side!

Bette or to give her her fully name “Bette Davis” (we are going to have to talk about the names you humans give Cats at some time in the very near future aren’t we?) has one of the most unusual fur markings on her side that is literally heart shaped.

But Bette is more than just your average Moggy with an odd shaped birthmark that she will happily show you even when not asked, Bette needs a home. Can you believe that a Cat who embodies love was just dumped at a Cat shelter in February? I don’t like to think that humans do that to their Cats of course, but sadly it doesn’t stop it happening does it?

After nearly a month of kinder care Bette is getting back to her old self, she is no longer emaciated and of course her coat is no longer dirty and dishevelled and her heart is positively glowing.

Bette The Cat With Heart

Like all Cats who have been deserted by their human families Bette needs a home, currently she lives at the Gables Farm Dogs’ and Cats’ Home in Plymouth, Devon, England and if you want to adopt her then of course you will have to live close by especially because the staff there will want to see Bette often because she is so very popular.

On the other paw if you want a Cat do adopt one because there are thousands all over the world waiting for a nice home, but and it is a very big ‘but’ do think about what having a Cat in the family will be like before you start to buy the fuffy mice toys won’t you. Cats are not always the best long term house guests (just read my book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” for more on that), they can be very messy and worst of all they adamantly refuse to do the washing up!

For anyone interested in reading the extreme adventures of a Cat in a house then you can get my masterpiece of feline literature “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” here at any good bookstore or from my store at my www.wickedly wonderful website here my store at

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Germans To Neuter All Stray Cats

Because of the number of stray Cats in the City of Bremen local officials have taken drastic action and decided to neuter all the cities 400+ stray cats.

Only Cats who are proved to be strays will be neutered. The definition of a stray Cat being used, quite rightly in this Cat’s opinion, is a Cat who is not either microchipped or has a tattoo – both of which obviously allow lost Cats to be reunited with their human families.

It is hoped that this innovative measure will reduce the number of stray Cats in the city meaning that horrific and usually fatal diseases that domestic Cats can catch from feral Cats will be much reduced and The Cat believes that is a very good thing.

A by-product of the measure will be that the wild bird population may increase and although it would be inappropriate for The Cat to comment on this directly I did allow myself a little ‘tee hee’ at the news.

So well done to the Germans they are going to create a safe, humane and managed approach to feral Cats which allows them to live out their lives the way they want to and not be put down out of hand because of course a feral Cat who is enclosed is like an animal in the Zoo something sad to watch.

Let’s hope that more countries adopt this policy; but most importantly humans who have a Cat in the family should ensure that the Cat is microchipped, and of course the same applies to Dogs, this Cat believes that there is nothing worse than losing a family member who can’t tell others his or her home address if he or she is found by the authorities.

Stray Cats

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Big Game Hunting

It would be unfair to say of any Cat that they lacked ambition and just to prove what I mean I came across a picture of my good friend Rocky doing a bit of big game hunting.

Unfortunately Rocky didn’t finish his hunting on the day that we took along a photographer, Rocky said that was because of something to do with the light being bad or the Bison being ‘spooked’I didn’t really understand, but then unlike Rocky I am not a hunter, still we had a wonderful day stalking (which involves walking around in long wet grass for hours) the creature.

Stalking is something that Rocky says is an essential part of big game hunting and he says that he personally thinks that stalking is more important that the end bit or ‘kill’ as he calls it.

Personally I found that stalking tends to leave you rather peckish!

Big Game

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How To Live With A Pig

Now that headline got you reading, didn’t it? Well let’s face it that’s what headlines are for.

I wanted to draw your attention to a very good pal of mine Marcie who actually does live with a Pig called Andrew (named after the Duke of York obviously and bearing a remarkable resemblance to his namesake) to be more precise is a piglet, but that is because he has never grown up – what a coincidence that his humans named him Andrew after a fat useless twerp who didn’t grow up either.

Poor Marcie has to put up with all sorts of indignities and displays of err… pigishness but she has come to learn to live with most of Andy’s antics and happily Andy likes to travel a lot and that means that Marcie has the run of the place when he is away.

But when he comes back all hell breaks loose, as you can see below, when there is just the hint of a rumour that there might be a full trough for him outside to sink is little piggy snout into he is up and away, occasionally this bolt for the outside sometimes coincides with Marcie going out of her Cat flap.

I Said One Of Has To Lose Some Weight

After this picture was taken Marcie said to Andy – “One of us has to lose some weight!” being regally thick as usual Andy said “I’ll help you do that old girl!”

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Love Birds Of A Feather!

Ah! Sometimes pictures do that don’t they? They make you go ‘ah’ and then feel all good inside! Here is a nice picture that will undoubtedly make all you humans go ah! I call it “Lovebirds of a Feather – where’s me feathers?” Just to annoy one of my younger friends ‘Davy’ who was taken advantage of by a Parrot and a photographer when he was snatching a bit of a doze before having a really long snooze.

Personally I think that it’s terrible that photographers take pictures like this, in the Cat World we call this sort of imagery ‘Kitten Porn’ but I know you humans like it – shame on you!

What is worse when we showed this blog to poor Davy he took it rather badly and tried to stay awake and never sleep, of course that didn’t work and after a few days he had forgotten all about it, but that’s Kittens for you, one Kitten has much sense as all of the members of the British Royal family, who, as we all know are dreadfully ‘limited’ in every respect.

Having said all of that Davy’s anguish did make me think that I may have been around humans for too long, because I thought the picture below called “Love Birds Of A Feather – Where’s Me Feathers?” was rather funny – yes I need professional help don’t I?

Love Birds Of A Feather  Where s Me Feathers

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What’s On The Menu Today?

Is Beijing the only place where you can ask if your Sheep meat was well hung?

China Of course

In South Africa they are taking fusion food to the absolute limit – raped Chicken must be Royal Burgers Jo’burg.

Raped Chicken must be Royal Burgers

Ok maybe we are expecting too much from restaurants that are so far away from home they must serve nice home cooked food in Europe – I hear that the Spaghetti Carbonara is ‘different’ in German and this restaurant is obviously using homemade ingredients – just look at the menu!


If those dishes are too ‘exotic’ for your taste then how about visiting a good old fashioned Soda Fountain for an Ice Cream and a Soda? Soda Fountains are nice, homely, clean places and they service ‘normal’ food don’t they? May I recommend good old Butt Drugs Corydon, Indiana.

Being an innocent Cat I wondered if there is any knowledgeable human out there who can tell me what a “Butt Drug” is please?

Butt Drugs

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