Monthly Archives: June 2011

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Look What Happens To Careful Drivers When They Read Drive Carefully Signs

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Sorry about the length of the headline – ‘Look what happens to careful drivers when they read drive carefully signs,’ but I have to I put the length of the headline down to shock – I was shocked that any one would be so stupid as to put a sign in such a dangerous place that had been created by so cruel people who obviously wanted to cause accidents.

Really the world has gone made when not only do you see signs for this and that all over the road telling to to do this, then that and not to do almost everything.

After erecting loads of idiot signs the sign clowns here decided to turn what was a two lane road into one – no wonder there are loads of accidents in the UK and that insurance premiums have risen 40% in a year, well the other reason is corporate greed of course but then that is a given isn’t it?

Look what happens to careful drivers when they read signs

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Do You Know What Are You Eating?

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Don’t you wonder what the something is? I know I do! If you look closely at the ‘delicious’ picture from this restaurant you can see a lot of things that might be added to the beef in addition to the Chilli Sauce.

Do You Know What Are You Eating

So far I can see tiny pulse like things that I think are maggots. Something green which is obviously the famous ‘green thing’ that is in all Chinese meals in China but banned from Chinese takeaways in the West. Is that the edge of an Octopus’s arm towards the bottom in the middle I think so don’t you?

Definitely there is a bit of vomit on the left of the picture and I have a feeling that the whole thing turned and started looking at me with the look of a bully in a fairground who asks “what are you looking at?’ To which the answer always sadly seems to be a beating at best or death at worst.

One thing I do know is that I love Chinese food, but not enough to eat Sliced Beef and Something in Chilli Sauce that’s for sure!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Toilets In Turkey

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In Turkey they know that the average human holidaymaker is um err, how can I put this? Oh yes, an idiot and so the instructions for using a toilet are posted for all to read in German, English.

Of course these instructions make a lot of sense, you should eat and then use the toilet but I am sure you will agree if you read just a few lines under the important announcement (section 2 especially) you will see that the person who wrote this sign was in fact a complete idiot!

I don’t think I recommend reading the instructions about the toilet paper though – ugh Turks are just plain disgusting, happily though now we know what the worst job in the world. It’s emptying the basket of used toilet paper at breakfast time!

It’s odd isn’t it when you see the ads on TV for holiday destinations like Turkey and the other places in the world where the word hygiene is probably use as a greeting rather than a word that refers to the set of practices perceived by a community to be associated with the preservation of health and healthy living, that the colourful ads showing the heart and soul of the country don’t dwell on the important things like oh say for instance that if you go to Turkey you are likely to contract some exotic disease from the unemptied basket in your toilet.

Sorry this Cat can’t write anymore I feel sick!

Toilet Turkey

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Sorry About The Incontinence?

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How do they know that the reader suffers from incontinence that is what I want to know? Sorry About The Incontinence

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle

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An Unusual Shop In Paris

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Dead Rats Old
I thought I would share a couple of photographs which I took when I was in Paris the other day.

Etablissements Julien Aurouze, Paris is an odd little shop as you can see from the display in the window they sell Rat traps and all sorts of other things that snap and dispatch the furry kind such as gulp yours truly.

As you can see from their window display of far too many dead Rats the stuff they sell does seem to work all too well.

Mind you for those of you who are like me and have a delicate constitution to match their stomach I can tell you happily that the rats in the window are preserved Rats and have been on display since 1925.

It’s a bit worrying that they look so fresh until you realise that Madam Tussaud was born in the neighbourhood and look what she has done to major and minor celebrities.

Some say that the shop was featured in the Disney movie Ratatoullie maybe one of my clever readers could say whether that is true or not because of course I don’t watch movies about Rats or Dogs for that matter so I don’t know if that is the truth.

Dead Rats Colour

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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No Barking! Finally A Sign I Like.

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It isn’t often, especially in the middle of a Middle East Spring when you can pat the Saudi Arabian authorities on the back and say “job well done.”

But you have to give credit where credit is due and as this sign shows the Saudi Arabian government has decided to outlaw ‘barking.’ In this Cat’s humble opinion (yes the humble bit was a joke) the outlawing of barking hasn’t come too soon. Barking is a dreadful noisy habit and should be outlawed – maybe next the Saudi’s will go further and outlaw Dogs as well after all they have some pretty daft laws don’t they?

No Barking Saudi Arabia

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Cold Meat With A Kick?

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Now here is a selection of cold meat that Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise would appreciate. But would a whining Scottish engineer spoil his enjoyment of his cold meat selection and tell him “it’s no good Captain I can’nay hold me cold meat platter, it’s the wrong antimatter selection.” I bet he would.

Anti or Panty

They say that some of the finest engineers who have ever lived and got grease all over their hands have come from Scotland and that is marvellous. What a shame that the Scots have such a whiny voice and unfortunate accent as demonstrated hundreds of times in Star Trek and other movies where engines were about to blow and their engineers were unreformed Kilt wearers!

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Lorry Load Of Lies

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I have often wondered where lies come from, who invented them and so on and so forth. I even watched the dreadful film by that awful idiot Ricky Gervais but sadly failed to find out where lies came from or in that case be entertained at all but that is beside the point of course.

So where do lies come from? Well I think I have the answer. I got my driver to follow the truck in the picture and guess what lies come from Luxembourg. I would have thought France or Germany both countries and their people have been known to tell some enormous porkies in the past but I didn’t think that little Luxembourg could be capable of inventing lying did you?

Lorry Load of Lies

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle

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Need A Laugh – Try Chinese Happy Grass!

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If you’re ever stuck for a smile or need a laugh do go to China I promise it will cheer you up. I should know I went to China as p-art of my ‘research’ for my soon to be released next book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue – The Cat Against The World.’

China is not really a very nice place and it’s very polluted so I urge you don’t plan to stay long, but a short stay in any of the main cities that serve the West with the hard labour of their sweatshop style factories producing Computers, TV, cell phones and all of the rest of the crap that we think we can’t do without or any of the other cities that have dedicated themselves to parting Westerner’s hard currency. These cities are of course called known in China “tourist destinations for foreigners” show you what I mean.

China may be a dreadful place where the words ‘Cat’ and ‘Dog’ are menu items but you have to hand it to the hairy little sods their signage is second to know when you need to smile.

As the picture below proves the Chinese are really very odd and have a view on life that is alien to us Westerners what is happy grass! I ask you!

Tender Grass

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you, along with that other ‘developed’ country India, the world leaders of the future!

There I knew you wouldn’t be sad for long and you haven’t even boarded your plane to China yet!

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