Oh I am sorry about the last blog! There does that make amends?

How was I to know that what I wrote would come true? That some nice Polly’s would, err how can I put this? Make a wish come true?

No that is not very nice at all and again I have to apologise. Now that sounds like I don’t want to apologise if I ‘have’ to and that, I promise sincerely, is not the case.

Tee hee!

Parrots are after all some of God’s little creatures even if they are Gay Pigeons. Still the good news is that now at least we know who’s to blame for Parrots don’t we!

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Just A Thought

I would like to say and so I will, that not every blog needs a picture, just like this one in fact!

Actually it makes a change not to have to carefully paw craft a picture especially for you bloggers, even though of course I love you all, well I have to you love you all you keep me in Kippers and Prawns by buying my book and generally worshipping me, but all the same it feels nice not to have to fire up Photoshop and mess around pixelatedly, which of course is a new word and a lot of trouble at the same time.

Actually I like new words don’t you? Well you should, you get quite a few here don’t you and of course there are loads of newly invented words in my wonderful book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary,” which you lucky people can buy and enjoy anytime you like.

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Big Nudes!


Oh! I am so sorry I have made a typo in the headline – it should read Big News! But it got your attention didn’t it?

So what is the big news I hear you say and some of you complain! Well first I would say to all of you hold your horses and to those of you complaining I would say have some patience and don’t be so rude. I am a Cat after all and typing isn’t something I am born to.

No I know neither were humans born to typing, but you ape descendants held onto the prehensile toes and fingers while us slightly more highly evolved creatures have lost them and adopted a soft paw.

I have sort of decided that it would be fun each day to see if I can come up with ideas on how to annoy and of course eventually rid the world of Parrots, they are just multicoloured vermin after all gay Pigeons that’s what I call them and this mission is so very important that I am considering moving my blog onto the home page of my ‘www‘- wickedly, wonderful website. Treat your self and have a click no one is looking. then after you have done that do go to my my ‘www‘you will adore it.

You don’t really need the name of my amazing website but here it is just in case – www.thecatsdiary.com.

So I am going to have a chat with my PR people and let Sebastian, Polly and Georgie have a little ‘ponder’ as they always call it when they are trying to catch up with another of my amazing ideas.

In the meantime I thought I would share this little idea with you on the subject of ‘dealing’ with Parrots. Why don’t we announce that scientists have discovered obscene quantities of Peanuts on the M25? And they are free to anyone who wants a peck.

For all of my international visitors and friends the M25 is an is the worlds largest environmental experiment. It works by trapping hundreds of thousands of motorists every day by pretending that it is a motorway.

The motorists sit patiently at a standstill until ten minutes after they should have arrived at their destination and then they are released like a competitors in a race.

So if the carbon monoxide from the idling engines doesn’t get the Parrots who have come for the free peanuts then the formation start will.

Perfect! That should get rid of a few of those over dressed Pigeons shouldn’t it!

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It Is True To Say That I Hate Parrots – Does That Make Me A Bad Cat?


Yes it is true to say that I hate Parrots – does that make me a bad Cat? I don’t think so and this is why!

First as the picture evidence shows Parrots eat with their feet and that has to be an awful habit and they can’t wash themselves – fancy that!

Secondly I have a suspicion that Parrots are responsible for Bird Flu, they are birds of course and I have a feeling that they really hate anyone that isn’t a Parrot. Ask yourself this if you don’t believe me when you last tried to give Polly a peanut what did it do – yes that’s right it bit you and I bet you got told off for not only interfering with the Parrot but also for swearing, they are plotting our downfall I tell you.

And most importantly thirdly, the Parrot that I live with is just an awful feathered bully who picked on me the minute I was brought home imprisoned in a Cat basket, of course you can read all about that in my wonderful book – “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary” which is available to all for a small fee at Amazon.com or my ‘www‘- wickedly, wonderful website, and all good stockists.

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The Best Looking Cat!


I like Cougars they are my most favourite animal – well after myself of course and they are pretty good looking unlike me, I have been described as handsome, cute, attractive, very striking, and yes beautiful!

The picture? Well you didn’t think I would show the competition for the best looking Cat on my blog did you? Well you don’t know me do you!

Never Mind Bird Flu! – I Think I Have Global Warming!

Yes that is right, all weekend I have been hot and not in my normally sexy way. I am boiling and fear that I have ‘Global Warming’ because I am hot everywhere.

What has happened to me I would like to know? Has someone de-forested bits of me that I can’t see? Am I in a carbon rich atmosphere? Will I get drowned in rising sea water?

Oh hang on a minute it is ok I have been sleeping in a patch of sunlight all weekend, I am surprised I’m not tanned.


Some people have accused me of being a hypercondriac and have told me that I should calm down I would like someone to tell me is being a hypercondriac dangerous? Can I get treatment for it or am I going to slip away noisily – well you wouldn’t want to slip away quietly would you if you are going to slip away at all!

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I Have Just Been Tarantino’ed


Well at last I have just watched ‘Inglourious Basterds’ and what can I say. Well this, my bottom hurts. Over two hours of sitting in one place cringing at the dialogue and the dreadful Brady Boy is enough to make any cheek numb.

If you haven’t don’t and if you have you’ll know what I mean this is rubbish at its best.

As a Cat and author I suggest that you read my wonderful book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary,” which is available to all for a small fee at Amazon.com or my ‘www‘- wickedly, wonderful website, and don’t waste your money going to see this pile of rubbish.

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Great News!


Here is some really wonderful news! I remembered that I forgot – does that sound right? Well never mind! I remembered that I forgot to tell you all about kippers when I mentioned them a while ago, but I have remembered now and found a nice picture of the tasty treats so here is the information that you have probably been waiting for!

A kipper is made from a fish called a herring. When kippers are made they use the whole herring and just split from tail to head, then they take out the nasty wobbly bits, salt it and then cold smoked it for a while in a smoke house.

Humans and Cat’s in the UK and the US often eat grilled kippers for breakfast and they are sublime with butter and a poached egg or two.

Some humans and all Cats in the UK eat kippers for high tea or supper and they are beyond divine and most Cat’s, like me, would kill for them, though it has to be said we rarely do!

There I hope that helps do let me know if you want any more information on kippers or indeed any other fish, I like to pride myself that I am a bit of an expert on fishy things.

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At The Moment I Can Only Deny The Rumours


I have asked my PR people to comment on my behalf on the rumours that I will be taking over from the lovely and very tired Oprah Winfrey in 2011.

As yet there has been no contact between Oprah’s people and my people what so ever and we can only wonder where the rumours have come from.

Although of course I did manage to find this picture (above) in the press which obviously shows the delight of some individuals at the premature (I have to say) announcement of the ‘change.’

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