Tag Archives: 1066

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Can’t Get Out For Xmas Shopping? Don’t Panic!

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It sounds as though my fans in the UK (especially) but all across europe are having a torrid time trying to do just a little bit of Christmas shopping.

The UK seems to have suffered worst of all and there is panic breaking out to do last minute shopping for Christmas according to all of the major newspapers and that is where this clever Cat can come to the rescue – by delivering all of your gift requirements before Christmas with my very cunning plan.

My cunning plan, like all good plans since the Norman invasion of England in 1066 is simple – then it was bash everyone on the head and take over – but this plan is less Gallic and violent and so simple it will work like a dream and the result will be that everyone gets a gift at Christmas even though people can’t get to the shops.

The first part of my very cunning plan is to go to my either my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or Amazon.com and download an ebook of my masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary,’ my site has them in lots of options including a pdf version which can be read on any computer no only ebook readers and of course Amazon.com have the peerless Kindle.

The Cat & Kindle.png

The second part of my plan is possibly even better and more cunning than the first part and you have to admit just the first part of the plan was a winner!

Everyone knows that although electronic or ebooks are wonderful, easy to read, weight nothing, immediate and best of all you can get thousands of them on your reader, there is nothing like being able to give someone a present that is wrapped up and to watch them unwrap present on Christmas morning their eyes growing wide and their complete joy as they realise that you have given them a copy of my amazing book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary.’

So while you are following the first part of this very cunning plan and ordering the moderately priced ebook, which of course can be delivered immediately, simply order a copy of my amazing book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ at the same time from either my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or Amazon.com for the same person, that way even if you can’t get to the shops, or copies of my book can’t be delivered because of the snow or any other disasters natural or unnatural, you will be able to wrap my book when you get it and happily give it to someone safe in the knowledge that they are already reading your first present a copy of my brilliant ebook.

Just for you from now until Christmas morning I have a team of people working 24/7 ready here at Cat World HQ to take your order and then send you the ebooks you need and the great thing about my shop here my online store is open 24/7 and if you don’t like clicking links just copy and paste this address into you browser to be whisked to my store – http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store.

Here at my brilliant store, which as I said is open 24/7 until Christmas morning, we not only offer a guaranteed service backed up personally by me – The Cat but we also take all major credit cards and you can if you wish pay using the excellent and safe Paypal payment system. And of course we can send the ebooks immediately to any email address anywhere meaning your gift will be guaranteed to be delivered before Christmas.

Oh and my translator Mr. John Woodcock also asked – well begged – me to tell you about a pair of his ebooks which I graciously sell online at my store ‘Trams of Prague – Tram No 6’

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‘Astromouse’

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If you want to have a look at either of these excellent books or read a synopsis then simply click here my online store is open 24/7 or as I said above if you don’t like clicking links just copy and paste this address into you browser to be whisked to my store – http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store I am sure that anyone would love any all or all of the ebooks that you can find at my amazing store.

So once again this clever Cat comes to the rescue and makes the difference between not having something to give someone at Christmas and being able to give on ‘the day’ and then remember ‘the day’ afterwards when you watch someone open their second present.

I wish you all a warm and very Happy Christmas!

PS

I watched George Clooney in ‘The American’ last night and here’s a tip if you haven’t seen it – don’t bother it’s dreadful! The best thing about the movie is George’s hair cut though unfortunately his side burns are like the movie is far too long! Even the Italian scenery is dull, grey and dreary – and that is an amazing cinematographic accomplishment because Italian countryside is normally lovely.

The Cat’s tip for the holiday season until my movie comes out is ‘Despicable Me’ it’s fun, funny and everyone can watch it and find something to enjoy!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as www.pawsperouspets.com.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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April Fools Day

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In England we have a sense of humour which is rather funny but not understood completely by the rest of the world, and of course in this case I mean England and not the other bits that are tagged on to the end of England where they don’t have a sense of humour (examples Billy Connolly, Bono, Gerry Adams).

Our sense of humour even extends to making one day special, well half a day actually as I will explain.

Today is that special day, April the first and on April 1st we can tell funny, tall stories until noon and anyone who believes them is an ‘April Fool’ but anyone who tells an April Fools joke after noon is an ‘April Fool’ themselves.

There is a tradition to have an April Fools day (usually on April 1st) in most countries and so you probably know what I am talking about, which makes a nice change!

Anyway I don’t know if April Fools jokes in other countries extend to the ‘media’ as they do in England and even if they do I still wanted to share this story from the Independent with you all, not only for the nonsense article itself which I think is funny, but also for the wonderful comments that the general public have added to the article.

So here is the article!

Hadron Collider II planned for circle line

I am sure that you will enjoy it for the nonsense it is and please do have a look at the comments if you get time some are as funny as the article itself.

I won’t spoil it by telling you what the article says, except to say that the mad scientists at the Cern laboratory are ‘reported’ saying that the 23km Tunnel which currently serves the London Underground’s Circle Line could house a successor to the Large Hadron Collider and if building work started soon it would be ready by 2020, tee hee.

Few people know the origins of April Fools day and so I thought this clever Cat would shed a little light on it for you!

In the 9th Century the Church in England wanted to take control of running the country and after putting their case to one of the madder of the current Queen of England’s relatives Edward 1st the Confessor both parties struck a deal to take over the administration of England and more importantly the collection of taxes.

The deal was a surprisingly good one for both parties, the Monarch for the first time had a marvellous network of administrators who administered laws and collected taxes efficiently and he didn’t have to lift a finger to do anything and the Church skimmed enough of the top to build Cathedrals, and become the second richest institution in England.

The arrangement was announced on April 1st in the year 878, the news took almost 11 months to travel the length and breath of England but that time scale was nothing in comparison to the length of time it took for the ruling class to adopt the new legislation and that is because no one with any sense could believe what had happened and thought that the whole thing was some sort of terrible not funny joke.

For this reason it took years for the country to completely come to terms with the new Church administration and adopt it fully because everyone believed that the demented King wasn’t serious.

So that is the reason why April 1st became known as the day to tell ‘tall’ stories although of course the first one wasn’t either ‘tall’ or funny and England suffered from the Church’s mis-administration, corruption and embezzlement for centuries.

Sort of reminds you of Putin’s Russia doesn’t it? With the Church’s part being played by the oligarchs this time. Anyway England became so desperately weak and discontented that it was easily conquered in 1066 by the Normans or the French if you like and the English don’t like so we call the French the Normans.

After Willy the Conk’s successful invasion, some say with the help of the Church who thought that they would get a better deal from the French, the Church managed to do a deal with the new King and so continued to collect taxes for hundreds of years thereby managing to keep their fingers in the England’s till for centuries.

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I hope that you have a very happy April Fools day.

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