Tag Archives: Angelina Jolie

A special place in Haywards Heath, Sussex

Well now I know where Angelina Jolie got some of her children from. Yes the Christmas nearly new baby sale in Haywards Heath Sussex, in the south of the UK.

For all your nearly new baby requirements

If you need a nearly new baby and you want one that isn’t dented or is not very appealing I suggest you get to the Franklands Village Hall promptly at 13.00 because it would seem that the sale only lasts for an hour and a half!

Does anyone know what happens to the nearly new babies that aren’t sold? Poor things, fancy being rejected so often at such an early age! I wonder what it does to them, maybe that is where politicians come from?

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Monkey Adopts Kitten

Ok Brad and Ange (that is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie if you need a clue) do it so why not a Monkey? It has come to my attention that a long-tailed Macaque Monkey has been discovered looking after a Kitten in the forests of Bali and apparently is doing a better job than some humans.

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I have to say that if your name is Macaque you probably need all the friends you can the name sounds a bit ‘french’ if you know what I mean, that Monkey should definitely avoid standing with his hand on his hip with a name like Macaque shouldn’t he? Mind you judging from this portrait I think that the Monkey should be called Ronald he really looks like a ‘Ronald’ don’t you agree?

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Still both Monkey and Kitten are doing well and when asked how he felt about being adopted by a Monkey the Kitten was reported to say. “Migle, mmh ahh, ugh!” Which suggest that the Monkey may be cuddling just a little too enthusiastically.

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But a little bit of tough love never hurt anyone Kittens included and compared to the thoroughly revolting woman who me and the lads ‘sorted’ recently. You remember dear reader the dreadful old hag who seemed to think that it was really clever, funny – well I don’t exactly know what the dreadful middle aged bag thought when she petted and then dumped a Cat in a trash container – well there is no comparison is there? Once again animals prove to be more civilised than humans, sorry I am blushing now but we really are a cut above a lot of humans aren’t we?

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