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Don’t listen to this while driving!

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Eagle Waterfall

Having trouble sleeping? Well help might be at hand or is that ‘ear?’

A group called Marconi Union recently teamed up with a band of boffins to create what they say is “the most relaxing music track ever.” The track is supposed to not only sooth you but also slows breathing and reduce brain activity – for some humans the last feature might be dangerous because I have noticed in some humans very little of that!

The boffins and the band were commissioned and sponsored by Radox the bath salt (and more) people and they have used the track in an ad campaign. You can have an eight minute gawp at the video here Weightless on uTube be warned the music might not send you to sleep but the movie – of the sun setting over the sea with water lapping over a rock where the beach meets the sea might just want to make you need to pee, it did that to me! (Back in a mo).

There is of course a load of scientific nonsense and double speak about what the sound does to you and your brain, the chemical reactions and whatnot but frankly I thought it was a load of hogwash or is that soft soap? Bearing in mind the sponsors tee hee!

I listened to ‘Weightless’ because I was curious, I don’t need a song to send me to sleep just a warm lap after a pile of Prawns. Now because I like Trance music I liked ‘Weightless’ but to my ears (normal Cat music ability caveat applies here) it didn’t send me to sleep or even calm me much. It is just wave after wave of sound with a little tinkling of a bell here and there, it is all very well but insomniacs beware I think you should listen to any banker describing his or her part in the financial mess we are all covered in to send you more effectively to bye-byes.

All in all I don’t think that weightless will find its way to my iPod it isn’t as good as say Mr. DJ Tiësto’s ‘In Search of Sunrise 5: Los Angeles below.

In Search of Sunrise 5

The first track called ‘Malibu Beach’ is haunting but sadly is dwarfed by ‘Weightless’ being only just over 2 minutes long. The whole Album is worth listening to, although of course, you have to remember that each track is only ‘mixed’ by Mr. DJ Tiësto the creative hard work was done by the artists who I suspect didn’t earn as much as Mr. DJ Tiësto out of the album when it came out in 2006! For all of that it’s worth having on your iPod, as are a lot of Trance Albums, especially, in the main, the early stuff before every Fred, Ned and Ted started mixing tracks to cash in on the trend.

Flamingos

Because I am a Cat who cares about the lovely cuddly readers of my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, my amazing peerless blog to say nothing of my incredible books ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ available here The Cat’s Page at Amazon.com I thought that you would like to know which tracks are considered to be the top ten most relaxing tracks ever produced.

The ‘artists’ (if you can call poor old Mozart a mere ‘artist’ but then look at the company he is keeping) are in bold just in case, like me, you have difficulty calling to mind the greatest works of say ‘All Saints’ or ‘Barcelona’:

1. Marconi Union – Weightless

2. Airstream – Electra

3. DJ Shah – Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix)

4. Enya – Watermark

5. Coldplay – Strawberry Swing

6. Barcelona – Please Don’t Go

7. All Saints – Pure Shores

8. Adele – Someone Like You

9. Mozart – Canzonetta Sull’aria

10. Cafe Del Mar – We Can Fly

I have to be truthful and tell you that the list above isn’t ‘my list’ if you see what I mean so I can’t promise it’s perfect but it’s a list and like the graph from the other day sometimes a blog needs a list, although having said that today’s blog is a bit of a monster of a blog and probably doesn’t need anything else it is perfect without a list, but then the list is there just in case you are in to lists.

Lastly

I thought you humans would like the pictures except for the picture of Mr. DJ Tiësto’s album cover they have nothing whatsoever to do with the subject of this blog. But I expect they are rather relaxing except for the Eagle’s wife in the first picture who is shouting down to her husband “you fool you are flying too close the waterfall… again!” And the Flamingoes in the second picture. The one in the middle was heard to say, “I hate standing in brackish water,” while his offended companion replies, “well Franklin that is really ungrateful, the flock only comes here so that you can soak your swollen ankles in the stuff!”

About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Here are some useful links (as I believe they say in the SEO trade) they will whisk you off to all sorts of goodies if you want to either buy copies of my books (either in the good old paper format or indeed in the more modern ebook format) and if you haven’t yet treated your good self to an ereader (TIP – it’s a bit of an essential if you want to read ebooks) then there are some links to Amazon.com where you can get a nice shiny new one.

My books – just in case you are confused

‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle/epub edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

‘The Cat’s Travelogue’

Paperback edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle/epub edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

And finally (you can breathe a sigh of relief) here are some picture links showing the products that you can read my wonderful ebook on, I hope you like them, but more than that I hope you use them to buy your much needed ebook reader, iPod or even iPhone because if you do those nice people at www.amazon.com will send me a small consideration for your purchase aren’t they nice?

Things you can read my ebooks on – again just in case you are confused


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No Trouble With the ‘F’ Word Here

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To be honest with you dear cuddly readers (and as I have explained on numerous occasions in the past unfortunately due to be large genetic balls up by the creator Cats find it physically and mentally impossible to tell a lie the only factor in our development that has held us back and allowed humans to run the world I might add, and so I can’t be anything other than honest with you), I find it very difficult to use the ‘F’ word whether in polite or any other type of company and definitely not in my books.

Mind you I remember getting close to using the ‘F’ word in my Cat’s Diary and first masterpiece of Feline Literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts From a Cat’s Diary.’ when I tried to use a card system to express my disapproval with service from Apple Computers giving them four king cards for ‘four king’ awful service!

With the above in mind I secretly admire people who proudly display their total disregard for the ‘F’ word’s detrimental impact and use liberally. In the case of the picture below I believe that John the Chinese cook doesn’t like Chinese food all that much and that’s a shame because although the Chinese do have some absolutely disgusting habits, including menu items they do make some rather sublime din dins, I am thinking here of Szechuan Prawns and Beef Chow Mein to name but a few.

Great Chinese Food

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After Being Attacked By A Lion Christmas Comes To My Website

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Ok I know that I have been “out of the loop,” as they say for a short while. I am sure that you have noticed that your favourite Cat who writes blogs and more has been missing from the internet, not making a single Tweet on Twitter.com and unable to perform even the most basic computerised chore – but I have a great excuse.

To write my masterpieces of Feline Literature, compose wonderful award winning blogs and generally get in most people’s way electronically, I use an Apple Computer, I have used one for years, but I don’t want all of my wonderful cuddly readers to think that I am a computer bore on top of all of the other subjects which I can, and do, bore them with, so I won’t go into just how long I have been a Apple user or at the heartbreak caused by being left out of Steve Jobs Biography completely! But that is another story for another blog I fear.

Right now I want to tell you of the awful problem that I have spent the weekend trying to resolve with my Computer Boffins here at Cat World HQ.

Trying not to sound too dramatic (of course and failing) all I can say is that I have been attacked by a Lion.

The Lion took the form of a so called ‘operating system.’ In fact I spent most of the weekend trying to fix all sorts of madness and confusion that installing Mac OSX Lion caused.

From watching my mouse pointer go backwards to my zippy computer being reduced to the pace of Dave the Cat on a stroll – I probably have to explain here that Dave the Cat hates walking, and even strolling for that matter, I personally think it has a lot to do with the bobble hat, it covers his eyes as you will know if you are a regular reader and if you aren’t I’m not going to help you here, you’ll just delve into my archives and find out the connection for yourself. It’s enough to say that I think I have seen twigs walk faster than Dave the Cat if you ever a manage to trick him into a walk.

Lion OS X

There are loads of problems, as I discovered, with Mac OSX Lion and they are all to disappointing and frustrating to mention here frankly, but I will say this I used to love Apple…

Still I think I have managed to sort out most of the problems with the help of my light-fingered boffins – not they aren’t that clever with their hands to be called ‘light-fingered’ the description comes from their habit of pocketing all of my nice little screwdrivers, pens and pencils, still what can you do? As I explain in the book I am writing at the moment which has the working title of ‘The Cat’s Memoir’ (so that you know who wrote it) getting ‘help’ that is useful is practically impossible.

Still to cut a story that seems to be getting longer short when I finished downloading Mac OSX Lion it was very unstable now it is just simply terrible.

I can’t think where I went wrong with Mac OSX Lion! Like an sensible computer user of long standing I am not an early adopter I let other fools rush in and watch their tears at leisure.

Unfortunately I needed to upgrade from the wonderfully cool Snow Leopard to Lion because I wanted to be part of the iPhone,iPod, iPad ‘app’ development process for an ‘app’ that the boffins and I have decided you my dear cuddly readers need and so I had to upgrade to Mac OSX Lion so that I could use the latest app development software.

Mistakenly, but confidently (at the time), I thought that as Lion was on its 10.7.2 incarnation it would be “a-okay” as they say when things are um ‘ok’ I suppose.

Grudingly I paid my real hard earned folding stuff to get a virtual product and like you, I am sure, felt cheated from the moment I watched with a tear rolling down my furry cheek the sum disappear from my bank account electronically, it’s amazing just how that happens, if we tried getting cash in the same way at night I bet we’d fail.

Lion OSX 10.7.2 arrived and I have to say, at the time, I was excited I have rather enjoyed the ‘Cat’ series of Apple Operating Systems and still get excited at the tantalising prospect that the final and ultimate incarnation of this (till now) amazing product could be ‘The Cat OSX’ with a picture of you know who on the box, cover or downloading badge.

Apple New Logo

Isn’t that picture wonderful? I think so and I am confident that with the final Cat representing the Mac OSX being me The Cat, Apple will go from a company doing quite well to one that is unbelievably successful, but sadly I think we are digressing here, my time like Apple’s will come.

Lion arrived and what can I say? Maybe it should have arrived with a notice like this one from San Diego Zoo……….

Californian Lions Don t Like to be climbed on

Actually I have to say that Mac OSX Lion arrived reasonably quickly thanks to the Czech republic considering that fast broadband was something that would not only prove to be ‘handy’ for everyone but also would help business.

Unlike some backward countries like oh say for instance Cameronland, the island that is now totally isolated from Europe and soon to be free from Scotland and Ireland with any luck but not if the Chief can help it which of course means that it will happen very soon now.

Isn’t it odd that the Chief of Cameronland wants to stick with the ‘Micks’ and the ‘Jocks’ and have nothing to do with the other “Johnny foreigners” in Europe as I believe he calls them.

Still I suppose you can’t moan too much about idiots like the Chief of Cameronland who at least has been elected fairly. Unlike the Gremlin in The Kremlin who at long last has been seen for what he is by the Russian People – I am taking bets that ‘Putin the Bootin’ will be the next thing the hamfisted government will do in ‘free’ Russia, then there will be a ‘Moscow Winter’ followed by a ‘Russian Spring’ and he will be out of the game completely by the ‘Russian Federation Fall.’

Oops did I say we were veering off the point – sorry we have done that again but there is so much going on and without a computer that was working properly thanks to Mac OSX Lion I haven’t been able to see any news, talk to anyone and do all of the rest of the stuff that you expect to be able to do these days.

So here at long last is a nice picture of my Christmas Lights which I managed to put up on my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com at long last. So that it could complement the snow that I mentioned in this blog – blog.thecatsdiary.com/2011/11/27/snow-comes-to-my-website-blog.

Now if only I could get the snow to work on my home page once again I would be a happy Cat, but I probably won’t be happy until ! am free from a certain Lion which seems to have its paw on my head all the time!

Christmas Lights

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Here Is Some Great News!

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My dear cuddly readers will be pleased to hear that to celebrate the launch of the latest Amazon reader ethingy the Kindle Fire those ever so nice people at Amazon have released the ‘Kindle’ and other ebook versions of my latest and most wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ early which is nice. I just have to say that you will be pleased to hear that ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ is coincidentally the best book I have written since my last one.

Not just to be content with getting a big head start on selling my ebook the paperback department of Amazon demanded equal rights to the ebook department and guess what you can buy either or indeed both formats on Amazon now, they have just told me I checked and it’s true – isn’t that wonderful.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

So that means that if you want a copy of my latest book you can order it now and have it instantly, if you want the eVersion or, in a couple of days max if you want the paper one. And the good news is that you will beat those who have ordered it at book stores by at least a couple of weeks.

So for all of my wonderfully faithful, patient and cuddly readers here are the important web addresses to click on, and don’t forget you will make me very happy if you buy one book, delightfully happy if you buy two and delirious happy if you buy more than five.

Of course it might go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway and I have a feeling I have said this before, you can instantly get a copy of my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ from my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or at the store on my www – wickedly wonderful website here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

To make life easy for you I have added the links you are going to need to get my book from good old (some say) Amazon.com do go for The Cat’s Travelogue on Amazon.com or Amazon UK.

If you need a Kindle to read my truly wonderful latest book on then get a Kindle Fire here they are really rather good as well as being competitively priced I hear.

If you want a good old iPad2 then I have another place for you to click – Computers aren’t you lucky? This link will take you straight to Amazon.coms Computers store for great prices, fast delivery and the same service you get when ordering my book. You never know they might even arrive in the same parcel that would be neat wouldn’t it?

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Now You Can Say I’ve Got An iPad2

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As the title says now you can say that you have an iPad2 – or you will be able to on March 11th and unfortunately although the iPad1 was not very reliable which meant it was constantly receiving ‘attention’ at the Apple Genius Bar and then being replaced – this one has two cameras and so I for one will be dumb enough to get one, but not until my latest iPad1 gives up processing and so far, touch wood or should that be ‘touch screen,’ it has been doing a sterling job for two weeks – I feel privileged!

Here is a picture of more than one iPad2 so that if you have been living in a cave for a couple of days and not seen the news you can get your first glimpse. I have to say that I am looking forward to getting my paws on it, for us creatures that lack opposable thumbs and find typing difficult the touch screen is a boon.

IPad2

What was nice, was to see Mr Jobs, who is every bit the genius that I am, give the presentation, it sort of makes the people who have been prophesying his imminent doom look more than a little stupid – tee hee. The Cat wishes Mr Jobs well and hopes that he outlives the prophets of his doom. It goes without saying that prophets should be ignored frequently and completely doesn’t it!

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It’s Snowing – How Dare It?

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The weather had grown warmer and more Spring-like and obviously lulled this contented Cat into a false sense of Springtime security. I was just limbering up to take in the vista of swathes of Snowdrops sparkling in grass that is greener and recovering from being coated in tons of snow and what happens?

Snowdrops

I’ll tell you what happens Mother Nature decides to be a right bitch and dump a load on our heads – thank goodness that load is ‘snowy’ that’s all I can say about it!

So the Mac Mini is ‘back’ after its little trip to the repairers and so far its working which is nice although I don’t know why I am saying it’s ‘nice’ that it is working because it is only doing exactly what I bought it to do! Isn’t it terrible that we have to be thankful that a computer that is a few months old is ‘still’ working? Bloody malmanufacturing Chinese and Apple have a lot to answer for.

Did you see my new way of describing anything made by the Chinese? The word is ‘malmanufactured’ and ‘malmanufacturing’ are the ‘ways’ of the ‘malmanufacturers’ or Chinese people with half a brain, little clue and a screwdriver in their hand.

Did you also see that people (not only me) are beginning to get annoyed with Apple for not ensuring that they properly oversee the manufacture of their products by the ham-fisted little brutes across the sea.

I read the other day that an Apple executive had visited the Apple factory in China to make sure that they installed nets to catch all of the jumpers who are tired of working for little pay in dire conditions. What he did made me think! Whilst I tend to agree with what the Apple executive wanted to achieve, I wonder whether they should’ve held off on the nets, until the standard of manufacture improved don’t you think so too?

Workers at Fox Conn

Judging by the picture of some of the workers at the dreadful factory which makes not only Apple Computers (badly) but also ruins all sort of electronic stuff, maybe the standard of manufacture is due to the long hours, terrible pay, very poor working conditions and goodness knows what else, we know that the jumping off the roof of the factory is.

The poor lady (in the picture) looks as though she wants to be at home on the farm, or making her children’s breakfast, or indeed crocheting but definitely not being held captive making something that means absolutely nothing to her and knowing that every one of the items she makes creates greater wealth for just a few of her fellow countrymen and of course Chinese politicians – do you get the feeling that in a few years what is happening now in the middle east will happen in such a bigger way in China – I do!

I feel so embarrassed buying goods made in China you know! It’s terrible to support the growth of a country and culture where they have no regard for human life or the standard of their manufacturing! I do wish that Apple could make their computers in the US or the UK and charge just a little more for them or better still take a little less profit.

The problem is that if Apple did that then the third world conditions of those two countries would improve, and the people employed on the production lines would be so happy to have a job that they would try to ensure that the product that they were making was of the highest quality!

Oh dear I see one problem here unfortunately – all of the components would still be made in China so they would still break – talk about a being held to ransom! What were the captains of industry thinking about when they moved all the jobs to China? Oh yes profit and not consumers of course.

Changing the subject and talking of a product that you can be proud of my writing of my next book is sailing along now which is nice.

Not only that I hope this week to be able to announce some ‘developments’ regarding my latest masterpiece of a book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary.” But all I will say at this moment is that you should get your copy from either Amazon.com or my www.Wickedly Wonderful Website www.thecatsdiary.com now!

The Cat & Kindle

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Apple Computers Make Writing Difficult

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Ok so my Apple Mini Mac is very close to being three months old and if it was human I am pretty certain that we would be baptising it or something, but as it is an Apple Computer we aren’t going to be doing that because that would be stupid wouldn’t it.

Of course there is another reason why we can’t baptise the bloody Apple Mini Mac and that is because the DVD drive has stopped working and that means that the Mini Mac is currently with a bunch of idiots at a service centre in Prague.

Sadly these repair centre idiots are fully Apple trained and know all about the latest Apple Computers and so they gladly accepted the Mini Mac for repair with the customer service case number which I had thoughtfully obtained for them from Apple in advance when Apple Customer Service agreed that the Mini Mac’s DVD drive needed replacing because it had been badly made in… where was it badly made campers? Oh yes! CHINA of course!

“So what is wrong with that?” I hear you ask, followed by, “and why call the poor devils at the Apple repair centre idiots, you are being an unkind Cat?” Well firstly I have to say that your obvious concern and compassion for the repair centre idiots is one of the reasons I like my readers, they are nice, kind people who have big hearts and don’t like to see nice defenceless if not clueless Czech service repair people called “idiots” by a nasty Cat.

Well this nasty Cat has a point, and that point is that the idiots at the Czech service place phoned several hours after they accepted the Mini Mac for repair to say that the reason why nothing worked was that the RAM was incompatible with the computer and the DVD drive was just fine and worked perfectly – in a tone that suggested that only they really ‘know’ about computers including Mini Macs and indeed they said that they had conducted all sorts of tests to arrive at their findings. They also said that I could come and collect my Mini Mac as soon as I liked!

Very soon after that call they phoned again saying that the DVD drive was err… actually… err… um… broken and not to collect it, they would repair it under warranty and it should to be collected on Thursday or Friday – although I think it is odd that they couldn’t actually decide on a ‘day’ to collect the repaired computer when they were on the phone I ignored the rather ‘fluid’ timescale.

And of course they also said that the RAM was still incompatible even though the DVD drive was broken, although of course they really should have said “that the DVD drive had recently become defective/broken,” but surely if they had used that more accurate term then it might suggest that they had broken the DVD drive when it was in their care, and that’s because they told us that the DVD drive wasn’t broken just a few minutes before. Makes your headache doesn’t it, well think about having that conversation in Czech! Happily I don’t speak Czech, (to my way of thinking it’s a very confused sub dialect of English spoken by an ever decreasing number of people, like err Russian and therefore not only pretty irrelevant but also difficult to learn and English was hard enough to learn) so someone else suffered that one.

Well, dear readers back to the RAM, I have exhaustively checked out the specification etc., of the RAM with the very reputable manufacturer and it is ‘very’ compatible with the Mini Mac and not only that the Mini Mac had been working away quite happily and at lightening speed (courtesy of the new improved RAM) for a long while before the DVD drive packed up. Of course the fact that it was working so well might be because the RAM was made in Taiwan and they are less careless and ham fisted, or should we just say less ‘Chinese’ there than their counterparts and indeed brothers and sisters on the mainland.

Of course the reason why the RAM is ‘considered’ incompatible by the ‘idiots’ (they have worked hard to earn that title don’t you think) at the Czech service centre is that the RAM is value RAM and apparently Apple Computers, the company, not the machine you understand, don’t like value ram?

I have no idea why these idiots thought that the RAM might be causing the problem, value RAM is the same as ordinary RAM and using it doesn’t void warranty, it is made by one of the industry leaders or anything, the only thing I can think of is that value RAM is what it says it is ‘good value for money.’

Apple have always been a bit snobbish but this is just plain stupid isn’t it. Oh by the way RAM stands for random access memory and it is the brain of the computer for anyone still using a slate to write on and an Abacus to help do sums – like err… the Chinese tee hee!

Now, I have to decide what picture to put here, because to my way of thinking a blog needs a picture, but then I don’t see why I should put a picture of a Mini Mac here because currently I am annoyed with Apple and of course the Chinese (I like to pick a fight that is going to be a challenge as you can tell tee hee), all of which means that you nice people should be treated to a picture of me.

book-cover.jpg

Don’t forget that you can get a copy of my wonderful and very popular book here at Amazon.com or of course at my www.wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com, you’ll love it I promise, and because it is not made in China it won’t fall apart after a few weeks.

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Look What I Found!

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I was trawling the internet yesterday trying to discover why the DVD drive on my, less than three month old, Mac Mini had decided to growl at me in a really not very nice way, not bother to load a DVD and then either spit the DVD out or hog it until I had to use a software eject.

Honestly what have I been saying about things made in China? Yes, you’re right, nothing good what so ever and guess where the faulty DVD drive was made – China yes well done – gold stars all round!

Surely it is time to get the Chinese to give up on the idea that they can ‘make’ (and I use that word in the broadest sense here of course) goods for the rest of the world and do something important like feed their people, I read that millions are starving because of drought in China and also down a bit on the map in North Korea poor devils.

So what was it I found while I was trawling the internet fuming at yet another Apple product – with a made in China label – had gone down the toilet? I found these photographs of someone’s hand turned into ‘art.’

Actually I don’t know how I found these pictures but you know Google.com even if it can’t find exactly what you are looking for they will still try to sell you some load of crap or the other – oops I said crap didn’t I, and not an asterisk in sight, but then I am annoyed – well sort of pretend annoyed tee hee.

My blood pressure wasn’t helped by the fact that it is so difficult to use Google.com in the Czech republic and that’s because when you have a Czech IP address and type Google.com into a browser Google will automatically redirect you to Google.cz even though you may not speak Czech but you do live in Prague and they do this so that they can say that their search engine which is not the most popular here gets more hits – wallies!

Abhijit Mondal's Odd Art 1.jpg

I do have one question about these photographs and that of course is why didn’t the chap who created the nice Eagle and Elephant ‘paint’ (if that is the right word) ME! Aren’t I just the best looking Cat in the world, to say nothing of my talent, generosity, humility and… well you get the picture.

Abhijit Mondal's Odd Art 2.jpg

Although I like these photographs I do think it’s a little odd what you humans do with your opposable, posable thumbs and a bit of spare time! Mind you I wonder just how much spare time you need to be so bored that you start drawing on your hand.

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My Mini Mac – The Saga Continues

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Ok to be honest the story of my defective Mac Mini which was obviously thrown together by the Chinese with little or no regard for quality control is nearly at an end and won’t probably make it into the saga stakes. The retailer obviously read my blog and of course the not as funny emails of complaint that I sent them every hour or so and guess what – my new Mac Mini arrives shortly having been despatched from the UK yesterday – how about that for service? No bad eh!

Better still the computer won’t have a Czech language operating system so I will actually be able to use it and better still – almost – it was cheaper to buy the computer in the UK, mind you not as cheap as it would be if I bought exactly the same computer in the states – Apple operate on the old soviet style monetary exchange where one dollar exactly equals one pound – yeah right you commies as if!

So if what passes for quality control in China allows for my new Mac Mini to actually be used without the damn thing being defective upon arrival I will be writing my next blog from a different machine a sexy powerful little computer that like me has great looks and enormous style.

Book on Screen.png

As you can see the picture of the Mac Mini still has a picture of my wonderful book’s cover and you can still buy my book from any book shop anywhere in the world but here are some alternative suggestions at Amazon.com and again as my regular readers will tell you, you can get a signed copy of my marvellous book from my www.thecatsdiary.com.

and so much more – and most of what is there you don’t have to pay for which is handy these days isn’t it?

Lastly not only is my birthday coming up but also someone who is nearly as famous – Jesus and as we know Christmas time is a time for gifts and extravagant acts of great kindness, yes and also Irish Republican Army attacks of shoppers in England, but we all know that the idea is to give a gift or three at Christmas and indeed birthdays my birthday is on November 17th and I would be delighted if you start to send me presents for that now and to save postage I don’t mind if you put my Christmas gift/s in the same parcel.

My readers, fans and even stalkers are all so very kind – oh one thing before I forget, if you were thinking of getting me a Mac Mini for my birthday or Christmas then it might be an idea to think of something else – I always think that cash is always a wonderful gift and and instantly shows the measure of your generosity! Just don’t forget to double the amount if you want to cover Christmas will you.

Mmmh! I do hope I don’t sound too much like a charity or church when telling my lovely huggable readers what I want for my birthday and Christmas but it is best I think to let you know what I want because I am a much more worthy cause than either of those.

Lastly well done to the Republicans I bet that they are thanking God that the American people have such sort memories – who go you guys into the mess that you are in with their lax banking laws and avoidable wars?

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A Blog In A Hurry

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Hi all – I am in a hurry because I am just about to spend several hours using a misnamed telephone ‘service.’

Yes that’s right – I will be calling the the very badly named ‘Apple Customer Service helpline’ the reason I have to do that is yesterday I received a new Apple computer and of course it doesn’t work properly. I have a history of buying Apple computers that don’t work properly. My laptop arrived several years ago and died almost immediately and because it was several years ago I had, until now, forgotten just what a prick you have to be to buy Apple computers because they go wrong straight out of the box every time and when you speak to customer service they can’t help.

Now I wouldn’t be talking to the Apple unhelpful line but the retailer who I bought the damn machine from allowed me, online, to fill in loads of forms – print out loads of forms and a postage label and then just as I was going out of the door with the box full to the brim with a useless computer they emailed me to say that I had to talk to Apple first they could help – yeah right!

So now I am about to sit in front of a phone listening to musak and Apple ads and get annoyed which means by the time I speak to the cretin called kevin or shona I will be in a foul mood in a way I pity don’t you?

I just have to keep repeating to myself – “I’m so lucky I could be saddled with a computer that runs Windows!” But as some cocky person has just said here at The Cat HQ “at least the Windows computer runs Windows.”

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