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Dreadful recipes from around the world pt 1 – in a can

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The label says it all! I’m afraid.

Palestinian Cooking Isn t Up To Much

About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Here are just a few things that you shouldn’t leave the house without – well if you have an Apple iPad you probably don’t need an Amazon Kindle Fire thingy but I am sure that you see what and mean and never, ever leave home without taking a copy of one of my wonderful books will you? Happily they come in both paper and electronic form.













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Don’t listen to this while driving!

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Eagle Waterfall

Having trouble sleeping? Well help might be at hand or is that ‘ear?’

A group called Marconi Union recently teamed up with a band of boffins to create what they say is “the most relaxing music track ever.” The track is supposed to not only sooth you but also slows breathing and reduce brain activity – for some humans the last feature might be dangerous because I have noticed in some humans very little of that!

The boffins and the band were commissioned and sponsored by Radox the bath salt (and more) people and they have used the track in an ad campaign. You can have an eight minute gawp at the video here Weightless on uTube be warned the music might not send you to sleep but the movie – of the sun setting over the sea with water lapping over a rock where the beach meets the sea might just want to make you need to pee, it did that to me! (Back in a mo).

There is of course a load of scientific nonsense and double speak about what the sound does to you and your brain, the chemical reactions and whatnot but frankly I thought it was a load of hogwash or is that soft soap? Bearing in mind the sponsors tee hee!

I listened to ‘Weightless’ because I was curious, I don’t need a song to send me to sleep just a warm lap after a pile of Prawns. Now because I like Trance music I liked ‘Weightless’ but to my ears (normal Cat music ability caveat applies here) it didn’t send me to sleep or even calm me much. It is just wave after wave of sound with a little tinkling of a bell here and there, it is all very well but insomniacs beware I think you should listen to any banker describing his or her part in the financial mess we are all covered in to send you more effectively to bye-byes.

All in all I don’t think that weightless will find its way to my iPod it isn’t as good as say Mr. DJ Tiësto’s ‘In Search of Sunrise 5: Los Angeles below.

In Search of Sunrise 5

The first track called ‘Malibu Beach’ is haunting but sadly is dwarfed by ‘Weightless’ being only just over 2 minutes long. The whole Album is worth listening to, although of course, you have to remember that each track is only ‘mixed’ by Mr. DJ Tiësto the creative hard work was done by the artists who I suspect didn’t earn as much as Mr. DJ Tiësto out of the album when it came out in 2006! For all of that it’s worth having on your iPod, as are a lot of Trance Albums, especially, in the main, the early stuff before every Fred, Ned and Ted started mixing tracks to cash in on the trend.

Flamingos

Because I am a Cat who cares about the lovely cuddly readers of my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, my amazing peerless blog to say nothing of my incredible books ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ available here The Cat’s Page at Amazon.com I thought that you would like to know which tracks are considered to be the top ten most relaxing tracks ever produced.

The ‘artists’ (if you can call poor old Mozart a mere ‘artist’ but then look at the company he is keeping) are in bold just in case, like me, you have difficulty calling to mind the greatest works of say ‘All Saints’ or ‘Barcelona’:

1. Marconi Union – Weightless

2. Airstream – Electra

3. DJ Shah – Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix)

4. Enya – Watermark

5. Coldplay – Strawberry Swing

6. Barcelona – Please Don’t Go

7. All Saints – Pure Shores

8. Adele – Someone Like You

9. Mozart – Canzonetta Sull’aria

10. Cafe Del Mar – We Can Fly

I have to be truthful and tell you that the list above isn’t ‘my list’ if you see what I mean so I can’t promise it’s perfect but it’s a list and like the graph from the other day sometimes a blog needs a list, although having said that today’s blog is a bit of a monster of a blog and probably doesn’t need anything else it is perfect without a list, but then the list is there just in case you are in to lists.

Lastly

I thought you humans would like the pictures except for the picture of Mr. DJ Tiësto’s album cover they have nothing whatsoever to do with the subject of this blog. But I expect they are rather relaxing except for the Eagle’s wife in the first picture who is shouting down to her husband “you fool you are flying too close the waterfall… again!” And the Flamingoes in the second picture. The one in the middle was heard to say, “I hate standing in brackish water,” while his offended companion replies, “well Franklin that is really ungrateful, the flock only comes here so that you can soak your swollen ankles in the stuff!”

About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Here are some useful links (as I believe they say in the SEO trade) they will whisk you off to all sorts of goodies if you want to either buy copies of my books (either in the good old paper format or indeed in the more modern ebook format) and if you haven’t yet treated your good self to an ereader (TIP – it’s a bit of an essential if you want to read ebooks) then there are some links to Amazon.com where you can get a nice shiny new one.

My books – just in case you are confused

‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle/epub edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

‘The Cat’s Travelogue’

Paperback edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle/epub edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

And finally (you can breathe a sigh of relief) here are some picture links showing the products that you can read my wonderful ebook on, I hope you like them, but more than that I hope you use them to buy your much needed ebook reader, iPod or even iPhone because if you do those nice people at www.amazon.com will send me a small consideration for your purchase aren’t they nice?

Things you can read my ebooks on – again just in case you are confused


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Calling All E-reader Owners

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The Cat would like to say a big hello to everyone who was lucky enough to get a nice shiny e-reader for Christmas and extend that very big hello to everyone who got an Apple iPad too.

Just out of interest how many iPad owners are on their second one after their first dreadfully assembled thing broke? Ok! And now how many are on their third iPad? Proving that the bloody Chinese can’t ‘make’ anything properly! Lastly who, like me, are on their fourth iPad proving that Monkeys could make better iPads than the Chinese and that not only do I have a lot of patience but so do the people at the Apple Centre. Of course this is the worst type of indictment against having anything what so ever made in China – we have to stop this nonsense demand that your goods are made locally for good ness sake it will be more economic and eco-friendly in the long run.

What is wrong with having things made in Ohio or Barnsley or indeed Prague? Nothing! These days as wages start to go through the roof in China and the cost to the environment of shipping what tends to be ‘broken’ merchandise out of China makes buying things made badly in China a non-starter.

Sorry I interrupted myself there for a moment, my regular readers are used to that and know that I will always veer or occasionally lurch back to the point which is. Hello to all you good people who got an e-reader or iPad for Christmas.

The Cat on iPad.png

It’s just a thought but if you are looking for something wonderful to read on your new e-reader, Kindle or iPad don’t look any further than my wonderful best selling book you can get in all of the usual formats that will enable you to read it on any e-reader, here’s a tip for ipad users – personally I would download the e-pub version of my masterpiece from my website here at my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com for the simple reason that I will earn more than if you buy it through Apple who have to pay so much for dumping badly made Chinese iPads.

If it is a Kindle edition of my peerless book you are looking for then just simply click here Amazon.com or indeed ‘on’ this wonderful picture of me on the cover of my marvellous unputdownable book.

The Cat & Kindle.png

Oh one last thing! After you have read my wonderful book please let me know here or at the Amazon site here Amazon.com what you think of it I love hearing from new and old fans.

If you have an odd e-reader, that is err… how can I put this a little odd – no that isn’t right what I mean is a cheap Chinese knock off of any of the main branded e-readers or iPads let me know if in the unlikely event that my marvellous ebook doesn’t work on your new machine and I will ensure, as soon as I am able, that you have one of my ebooks in the format that best suits your machine in fact I’ll have my boffins on the case as soon as I can.

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Is Ginger Getting Rid Of A Couple Of Rivals?

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Here at Cat World HQ the nerve centre of Catdom and all things Cat we get a lot of things sent to us, some are wonderful, I love the presents and pictures, but frankly the cakes and sponges are a little bit too much and the ones which are made from Cat food are definitely crossing some sort of line somewhere.

Still enough of that and speaking of gifts – I would like another iPad if anyone is feeling generous, Dave the Cat took his hat off and put it on top of my lovely iPad and I can’t seem to get the stain off the glass! Goodness knows what he has under his hat and frankly ‘goodness’ can keep what he knows to himself if it is all the same to everyone. I find that old ‘goodness’ is a little slack mouthed don’t you?

One of the more interesting things that came through the internet recently was a photograph from Wikileaks (probably) and it is a very interesting picture, if say for instance you just happen to a friend of a certain Cat called Ginger and you haven’t seen a couple of acquaintances ‘Monte’ and ‘Po’ for a little while.

Now I’m never one to cast stones – I leave that to holy people with shaggy beards and discharge slips from asylums, but what on earth is Ginger up to in this picture? On first viewing you really have to wonder don’t you!

When I asked Ginger he said that there was nothing to worry about, they were just posing for one of those really dreadful pictures that circulate on the internet and says something like “Friends Forever” then when he looked at the picture he said “that’s odd the photographer was on the other side of the wall in front of us!”

Now Ginger has gone into hiding complaining that he is being stalked, I think Ginger is being stupid and even Dave the Cat said that Ginger was acting like a Cat without a hat or a clue!

And as I said Monte and Po are still missing do you think that the stalker was stalking them and not Ginger? Frankly their coats are in better nick than Ginger’s and they’re sort of coat that a Chinese furrier would love to run up into a jacket or two, so I have to stop here and go out to post some more LOST posters – if anyone spots Monte or Po please let me know here thecat@thecatsdiary.com thats my email address of course – cool isn’t it?

Ginger - Getting rid of a couple of rivals.jpg

Please don’t forget that Amazon.com have very kindly completely restocked my best selling book – Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – and that of course means that you can easily order a copy now and have it delivered before the Christmas day, they say that my book makes a wonderful present and who am I to disagree?

Get your copy of Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – or better still copies here Amazon.com and of course you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com where you can also enjoy a lot of other stuff free online games, jokes, and so much more.

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Turning Unsolicited Mail In All Its Forms And Glory Into Profit

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iPad.jpg

For some time all humans with a letterbox have been annoyed by mail slipping through their doors and falling with a slimy thud onto the doormat and haven’t really done much about it.

They moan these days of course about all of the trees that go into a Ford, GM, Coca Cola or worst of all any charity you could possibly imagine (and probably some you can’t) direct mail campaigns but they just throw the rubbish away or light a fire with it.

Humans know that the endless gush of this type of crap can’t be stopped and these underhanded, slippery direct marketing agencies have grown fat on their nasty direct mail campaigns, as have the companies and charities who use them.

Now, as we know the same happens in the cyber world and humans the developed world over have all been getting their undergarments in several twists because of ‘spam.’

Spam is awful and distasteful and is quiet rightly vilified and although I have had a moan or two here on my blog about spam, this blog is not actually about ‘spam’ as such! Well it isn’t about the rubbish that can lengthen parts of your body, make you much smaller in other areas or indeed inform you of the death of a very rich Nigerian or Chinese person, who you have never heard of, and then tell you it is the fervent wish of the correspondent that you and he or she should carve up the deceased assets in unequal shares in your favour – oh no it isn’t.

This good looking Cat wants to tell you about a way to really annoy any of the growing number of companies that send out direct emails, they arrive because you, like me, have been dumb enough to order something from them in the past and now for reasons that only they seem to know they think that they can send you some “Important Communication” or the other.

So here is what you do, reply to the email and make sure that their email is in the body of your reply, and thank them so much of informing them that you have won one of their fine products.

Doing this will ensure that the marketing department is confused and if you are lucky even a little panicked and do please make sure that you reply nicely – after all you have won whatever you fancy from their product range and do I implore you be as extravagant as you possibly can be.

Just now I had an email from the local Apple store, I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t want it and so if they have decided to write to me it must be my lucky day and if it is my lucky day then it follows (surely) that I have won something.

So I replied nicely and said that I would be delighted to accept a new Apple Powerbook which though not as pretty as my beautiful G4 is sort of ok really especially if it is free and I also asked if they could throw in a new Apple iPad that would be exceptional because then I could read my wonderful book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary” on it, it is of course available in all ebook formats that matter and the ebooks can be bought here www.thecatsdiary.com.

Of course it goes without saying that I am looking forward to their reply and my winnings being delivered.

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