Tag Archives: Bible

Jesus for sale or lease – how much would you pay?

It’s one of those questions isn’t it, not unlike the question which asks if Schrödinger’s Cat is alive or dead in his box. Before I go on I would just like to ask if Mr Schrödinger’s fed the Moggy in the Box because if he didn’t then I am afraid I know the answer to that particular question!

Cat in A Box

So is Jesus going to come out of his box and make a lot of people happy and probably get an even bigger following than Elvis this time around? Well the answer to that question is on the roof of the shack in the picture below.

Selling Jesus

So hallelujah brothers and sisters Jesus is alive and well and and in a true religious manner available for lease and I bet if the price is right he could be bought lock, stock and bible!

Now sadly I couldn’t think of a really great graph to go here and as I have said once before graphs are good for blogs, they make them look authoritative and let’s face it this Cat needs all of the help he can get in the authoritative department. But happily I did find a pie chart and as if by some divine coincidence it does have a passing reference to religion and I understand Jesus apart from being a christian name in Spain and pronounced ‘Haysus,’ it is also presumably a christian name on the West Bank, Palestine (where Jesus was born) so here it is, now call me a lightweight if you dare!


Continuing on in a non-lightweight vein for a moment, when I was researching this blog – alright having a quick click through the internet – I found this interesting little site which casts doubt that the birthplace of Jesus (Bethlehem) existed when he was supposed to be born there! Shock horror!

To quote the blasphemers – oops sorry archaeologists – they say that Jesus’ birthplace just didn’t exist at the time of his birth, well they say this actually and I think it is the same.

“While Luke and Matthew describe Bethlehem in Judea as the birthplace of Jesus, “Menorah,” the vast database of the Israel Antiquities Authority (IAA), describes Bethlehem as an “ancient site” with Iron Age material and the fourth-century Church of the Nativity and associated Byzantine and medieval buildings. But there is a complete absence of information for antiquities from the Herodian period – that is, from the time around the birth of Jesus.”

So if you are now a very annoyed christian and want to do what the Muslims would do in this situation, find a few effigies of the authors to burn, threaten them with Jihad, or generally just get a little pissed off that someone somewhere dares to not believe the fairytales – oops sorry gospels that you believe in you can toddle along to the Archaeological Institute of America website and read more before you ‘explode’ though not literally please.

If you can’t wait to find the article that says that someone has told a big ‘porkie pie’ (lie) about the birthplace of Jesus then here is the link that you should go to straight away Where was Jesus Born?

Mind you, you may have to take what the Israel Antiquities Authority says with a pinch of salt because as far as I know to jews Jesus wasn’t who he said he was or some such nonsense, all of which goes to prove that the only religion which is the right, true and just religion is the one that you currently believe in!

So I now think that it’s time to introduce you to a new and fast growing religion, which will cost you less to join than the Mormon, Catholic and even the Muslim religion especially as our radical wing does’t call for you to make a mess of a suburb near you if you see what I mean!

Catism is “the new way” and you can sign up today with no initial payment and a wonderfully flexible low cost payment plan, which can be tailored to your individual requirements, so what are you waiting for brothers and sisters join today because “we have a long road to travel and I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, because my legs are a bit short and I tend to lag behind when out walking with humans and actually I have already been to the mountaintop.”

About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Nothing Stranger Than The Truth

In the north of England, or to be more precise, Yorkshire, where men are men, women are women and neither wallets nor purses are opened with any pleasure there is a saying and it sort of goes like this.

“There’s nowt stranger than the truth” which means that there is nothing stranger than the truth which I imagine is true, but then the people of Yorkshire also say “Owt for nowt” as in “ye don’t git owt for nowt! which let’s face it, even to English, English speakers, is a saying that is a bit of a puzzle, let alone to the ears of the late adopters of the English language, like say Australians and Americans!

What this all means is that the world is an odd place and the things that go on in it are odd, as I am sure you will agree are the people who inhabit this odd world, which I think leads me nicely to what has happened to me recently.

As you know I have been complaining about the increasingly large amounts of junk emails that I have been getting which offer a range of things, none of which I personally either want or need. Well recently I have received a lot of emails from what according to the ‘cc’ email addresses was a ring of men.

The emails were chatty and on the surface innocent, but of course because I had no idea what they were about or who the people were that were sending them I was at a loss to explain why these seemingly harmless emails were being sent to me, so I sort of ignored them.

However ignoring the emails didn’t work and they piled up, can you imagine what it is like for a good looking cat, best selling author and all round star like me? The amount of emails and post I get is cumbersome to say the least and worse I like to reply to all of the mail if I can, especially the post with presents or cash in it and of course the wonderful letters praising my best selling book Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary which continues to sell well on Amazon.com it would be ungrateful not to do that wouldn’t it and completely unlike me I like the cash, presents and praise.

So as ignoring these harmless emails didn’t seem to be working and the men writing them seemed to think that they knew me I decided to write to one of the gentlemen and ask why he was writing to me, what he and the others in the ring wanted and so on and so forth.

The chap replied that we/they were in a Bible study group that met every Saturday lunchtime (I have a feeling in a bar, but then that is just me) and that the only problem I had was that I simply didn’t know all of the guys in the group. Now that was quite worrying, I wondered if this chap had been enjoying just a little too much of the ‘rapture’ recently if you know what I mean.

I replied several times that I didn’t know him or indeed anyone in the group and as for the Bible, I couldn’t even lift it, let alone study it! To which some of the group replied that they would see me on Saturday and others sent their apologise that they wouldn’t be coming on Saturday and hoped to seem me on the following one.

Now I know that religion blinds people to the truth, but this is taking that to the extreme isn’t it? You humans are odd you know and that is why there is a saying in Yorkshire that “there’s nowt stranger than the folk!” I suppose.


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