Tag Archives: Buckingham Palace

Uncategorized

A Royal Event And It’s Unapproved Merchandise

Leave a comment

As you may or may not be aware the British royal family is about to have a wedding, the marriage of St Diana the peoples princess’s son to someone or the other. The hope is that this time a royal marriage might be less disastrous than most of the family’s recent weddings which have not lasted long, caused enormous scandals, and even worried MI5 the British secret service and it is possible the happy couple have been more or less married in common law since they shacked up together at university.

So to celebrate ‘the occasion’ as some would call it, the merchandising department of Buckingham palace has been busy giving the regal nod, for a ‘consideration’ to all sorts of tat that is in the shops now, including some sort of dreadful game from the bride’s family who are as eager as the groom’s family to cash in on their daughter’s good fortune, as they probably see it.

Obviously with every merchandising ‘event’ from Disney Movies to well err Pixar movies the quality of the merchandising has to be monitored carefully by the rights holder so that the ‘right’ impression of the event and the status of those involved is forever carved in plastic.

The merchandising mangers in Buckingham Palace have been careful to ensure that the image of the ‘happy couple’ and their royal relations is one that creates the right impression and so they have only licensed “appropriate” merchandising.

Here for your delight, if you really adore rubbish, is a selection of the royal wedding merchandising that seems to have slipped through the net and not been given the royal seal of approval, which is odd because the selection beautiful sums up the regally happy couple, the family into which the bride is marrying and indeed the ‘entiresome’ event.

Let me explain the word ‘entiresome’ it’s a newly invented word (I invented it for this article in fact) and it’s used to explain, in one word, something that’s not only ‘entirely’ ‘tiresome’ but also everything that is to do with it is as well.

So here for your pleasure are just a few merchandising items that I think beautifully sum up the happy event with a commentary where ‘unnecessary’ tee hee!

If you are like me the first example of royal wedding tat is something you really couldn’t do without.

Sick

I am sure that you will agree with me I can’t understand why these uncannily lifelike moulded plastic replicas of the royal family and the happy couple weren’t approved by Buckingham Palace! It’s sad that a lot of Chinese workers hard work has it would seem gone to waste, still i believe there is one scrap of silver in the lining of the story and that is that the models are recyclable.

Lifelike

It is a mystery to me why these excellent single cup tea bags haven’t seen the royal nod, the images look, let’s face it, very much like the royal subjects especially wills and tea is the national drink of the UK.

Bags

Just look at the craftsmanship that went into producing the salt cellar below and then think about the poor souls who slaved away for little or no wages to help celebrate the happy occasion, I feel for these people when I think their exquisite commemorative condiments were not on the offical list of rubbish that is being sold to help everyone celebrate this ‘momentous’ occasion.

I have to say I am using the word ‘momentous’ in an entirely new what here because I hope that when used in the same sentences as the words ‘royal wedding’ it will come to mean something that is forgotten in a moment.

Idiot Salt

Last but not least The Cat and his friends have produced their very own tribute to the happily royal couple ladies and gentlemen we give you dave the Cat and Crown! Dave the Cat as always is elegant, tasteful and regal in a bobble hat.

Dave the Cat and Crown

If you would like to purchase a copy of Dave the Cat’s commemorative picture you can do so reply to this blog or write to me The Cat at thecat@thecatsdiary.com for details. If you have bought or want to buy any of the official or unofficial tat that is on sale to commemorate this happy occasion do let me The Cat know and I will arrange for someone to visit you and provide counselling.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Uncategorized

Do You Like Tea Towels?

Leave a comment

Do you like tea towels? It would appear that the British royal family don’t, because they have banned them from being used to commemorate the forthcoming dreadful royal wedding of two rather dull individuals who’s names escape me for the moment!

Yes that is right the Palace has ruled that official souvenirs must be “permanent” and “significant” (whatever that means) and for the ‘palace’ you can read the queen and the rest of the brood.

All of which means I expect we will see lots of really awful plates mass produced in China with uncanny photographic resemblances of the young royal pair; but hang on plates, commemorative or not, aren’t exactly “permanent” are they? You can break a plate quite easily especially if you are in a deteriorating marriage then they tend to fly at you from all angles, even if the aforementioned plate is covered in gold leaf to make it “significant!”

As a Cat with most of his marbles I have to say that I can’t see what all of the fuss about tea towels is about. Just look at this marvellous example of tea towel craftsmanship and design from Charles’ marriage the time before last, to the sulky blonde.

Nice tea towel.jpg

I have to say although I am a poor judge of human expressions that ‘the boy’ in the pin strip suit looks pretty chipper and frankly the ‘likeness’ is very flattering, I bet when charles does the drying up at home he still smiles at the good looking young guy looking up at him.

If anyone should be more than a little annoyed it is the family of the blonde tragic princess-to-be she looks awful, but then if you had just heard that your future husband had been having an affair with someone old enough to be your Mum and had refused to stop you might not look your best when you pop down to Lord Litchfield’s studio to have him take a snap or two would you?

Thinking about it the only time we haven’t seen a beautifully handcrafted tea towel to commemorate a royal wedding was at charles’ most recent wedding and that was because it is believed that constant exposure to images of the bride can put chickens off laying and frighten small children although it has to be argued that the same is true of the images on the tea towel above come to think of it because let’s face it creating a life like image on a tea towel is just a dream – but then surely people should be able to dream and not have the queen and the rest of the royals stop them!

As tea towels are so dreadful, this confused Cat presumes that the royal palace gift shops, perfectly and strategically located to prise even more money from visitors in royal palaces up and down the UK will stop selling their range of “impermanent” and “insignificant” merchandise namely tea towels.

Personally I am just glad that the royal family owned up and told us unsuspecting punters that they had been selling us crap all this time in their palace gift shops.

Below is a picture of one of the tea towels that the queen and the royal squad have decided is crap, it is described on the Historic Royal Palaces Shops website here Historic Royal Palaces Shops as the – Tea towel – Henry VIII and Wives – and as you can see for yourself if you go to the website this tea towel, which the queen hates so much, is available in all palace’s gift shops including Buckingham Palace just look in the souvenir section although it will probably appear in the “Must Go Sale” section soon and will be heavily reduced from its rrp of 4.99 ukp I expect!

The queen says this is crap.jpg

So what can I say even the royals think that the merchandise in their gift shops is rubbish and that means the best thing to do is to go to my website and treat yourself to something classy and totally unroyal here www.thecatsdiary.com my www – wickedly wonderful website!

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Uncategorized

Sarah F Is At It Again

Leave a comment

First of all here is a short statement from The Cat Corp., which was prepared earlier.

The Cat and his agents would like take this opportunity to state that any rumours that The Cat or The Cat Corp., has been in negotiations with Sarah F aka the Duchess of York to turn Buckingham Palace into an amusement attraction are totally false.

The Cat nor any of his representatives have had any contact with Sarah F aka The Duchess of York what so ever, indeed The Cat and his representatives would like to go further and state categorically that they have no interest in turning any ‘royal’ buildings, estates, palaces or second estates and palaces into amusement parks until the current sitting tenants have been evicted, which judging by the way that most of the ‘royals’ are conducting themselves won’t be long.

DoY.jpg

So what is the reason for the announcement above well the prematurely wrinkled Sarah F aka The Duchess of York really has gone and done it now hasn’t she?

Sarah F who also uses the alias The Duchess of York has been caught red handed trying to extract 500,000 very big ones – we are talking pounds and not dollars and they are still worth more – out of a ‘Middle Eastern businessman.’

The dumpy Sarah F aka The Duchess of York promised this Indian businessman that she could arrange an introduction to her fat ex, who is known to the authorities as the Duke of York for 500,000 big ones. Once the introduction had been made the Indian businessman would then be able to reap the benefit of knowing a low person in a high placed position of trust. Some years ago the British Government who were at their wits end trying to find more things to do with all of the surplus ‘royals’ appointed him as a International Trade Ambassador.

Since then the chubby Duke has done very well doing all sorts of private deals with shadowy ex-soviets, he even managed to off load his house to one for nearly ten times what it was worth even though it had been up for sale for years before that deal.

The full figured Duke did very well especially as the ranch style bungalow was built and paid for by the Queen as a wedding present.

The problem with the deal that Sarah F aka the Duchess of York arranged with the Middle Eastern was that the Indian businessman was an undercover journalist and after a couple of meetings and the exchanging of 40,000 in sterling poor old, she doesn’t seem to have worn well, Duchess of York was filmed saying out loud in her awful thunderous voice that she could do the deal for cash etc.

I am pretty sure the sooner that bunch are shown the door the better.

As you know this Cat doesn’t really care for the English ‘royals’ and as they don’t keep Cats and seem devoted to shooting any furry animal that doesn’t bark I have a feeling they don’t care for me either but I had to admire the dreadful Duchess’s gall when she said to the Indian businessman.

“Do you understand that I absolutely have not a pot to piss in?” Then a bit later. “I left the royal family with friendship, no money. Diana left with 20 million. And that’s why the Queen is my friend because I never took a bean from them.”

Thanks to The Times of London for the quote above.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , ,