Tag Archives: Cats

Mind Control For Cats

Cat: “You’re not only a very good looking Parrot, I am sure that you’re very clever as well.”

Parrot: “Thanks, I think I am clever and not only a pretty boy!”

Cat: That’s what I thought and now this is your opportunity to prove that to the world.”

Parrot: That would be nice! Thanks!”

Cat: “My pleasure, ok, so all you have to do is to get just a little closer to the window and then show me just how clever you are by reaching up to the window catch and undoing it with your beak.”

Parrot: “Sounds like a plan!”

Cat and Parrot


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Is Ginger Getting Rid Of A Couple Of Rivals?

Here at Cat World HQ the nerve centre of Catdom and all things Cat we get a lot of things sent to us, some are wonderful, I love the presents and pictures, but frankly the cakes and sponges are a little bit too much and the ones which are made from Cat food are definitely crossing some sort of line somewhere.

Still enough of that and speaking of gifts – I would like another iPad if anyone is feeling generous, Dave the Cat took his hat off and put it on top of my lovely iPad and I can’t seem to get the stain off the glass! Goodness knows what he has under his hat and frankly ‘goodness’ can keep what he knows to himself if it is all the same to everyone. I find that old ‘goodness’ is a little slack mouthed don’t you?

One of the more interesting things that came through the internet recently was a photograph from Wikileaks (probably) and it is a very interesting picture, if say for instance you just happen to a friend of a certain Cat called Ginger and you haven’t seen a couple of acquaintances ‘Monte’ and ‘Po’ for a little while.

Now I’m never one to cast stones – I leave that to holy people with shaggy beards and discharge slips from asylums, but what on earth is Ginger up to in this picture? On first viewing you really have to wonder don’t you!

When I asked Ginger he said that there was nothing to worry about, they were just posing for one of those really dreadful pictures that circulate on the internet and says something like “Friends Forever” then when he looked at the picture he said “that’s odd the photographer was on the other side of the wall in front of us!”

Now Ginger has gone into hiding complaining that he is being stalked, I think Ginger is being stupid and even Dave the Cat said that Ginger was acting like a Cat without a hat or a clue!

And as I said Monte and Po are still missing do you think that the stalker was stalking them and not Ginger? Frankly their coats are in better nick than Ginger’s and they’re sort of coat that a Chinese furrier would love to run up into a jacket or two, so I have to stop here and go out to post some more LOST posters – if anyone spots Monte or Po please let me know here thecat@thecatsdiary.com thats my email address of course – cool isn’t it?

Ginger - Getting rid of a couple of rivals.jpg

Please don’t forget that Amazon.com have very kindly completely restocked my best selling book – Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – and that of course means that you can easily order a copy now and have it delivered before the Christmas day, they say that my book makes a wonderful present and who am I to disagree?

Get your copy of Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – or better still copies here Amazon.com and of course you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www – wickedly wonderful website¬†www.thecatsdiary.com where you can also enjoy a lot of other stuff free online games, jokes, and so much more.

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The Snow Has Decided To Cover Everything

If this were ‘Santa Time’ and it was December the 25th looking out of my window would be a pleasure because snow is festive, but this much on a work day is totally unacceptable.

As you can see from the photograph this is what I have to wade through in order to get the the Barrandov movie studio today.

Mind you if you are an autograph collector then you are going to have a field day because I have left loads of paw prints and as all my loyal and lovely fans and readers know ‘pawing’ is the way I autograph their books.

But speaking of leaving ‘marks’ in the snow I would like to complain about Dogs (yet again, the yellow marks they leave in the snow are totally unacceptable, we all know that but do they? Of course they don’t, and they aerial widdle to their hearts content along the pathway and in fact all the way to the studio.

Dogs are disgusting and they terrible thing is that they know it – we have all seen Dogs, in all weathers, rolling in fresh p** oh the thought of it is just too awful for a Cat with sensibilities to consider.

Now don’t get me wrong I like Dogs the shaggy German Shepherd Dog I keep here has his uses as you will know from my amazingly successful and desperately funny bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary.’

‘Ben,’ that is the dozily shaggy hounds name is great to snuggle up next to in the depths of winter – well about now actually – although sometimes he smells as though he ‘rolls’ in ‘something’ if you know what I mean!

When he smells like that you have to weigh up ‘warmth’ against ‘odour’ and that is a terrible choice that even Sophie would find difficult to make, but leaving Merly Streep aside for a moment, I bet my female readers and fans can identify with that conundrum!

Foot prints in the snow.jpg

For anyone who hasn’t bought my book or worse never heard of ‘me’ (if that is at all possible) until today there are several things you can do to save yourself so follow these instructions very carefully.

The first is to click here and buy my book Amazon.com and the second is to go to my www – wickedly wonderful website and catch up – you have a lot of catching up to do – and if you want to kill two birds with one paw (so to speak) then you could choose to buy my book at my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com while you spend hours learning about probably the most famous, talented and modest Cat around.

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No Bodies In The Bin Today

Happily there weren’t any bodies in the bins today (see yesterday’s post for more gruesome details) just lots of sun shining out over Prague. Looking out of the window today you could actually see silvery traces of spider’s webs trailing down to the Spruce trees (the original Christmas trees).

Spruce trees are interesting because before hops was used to add flavour to beer they used to use the young shoots of the Spruce tree and it gives a very aromatic flavour apparently – there don’t say you don’t learn anything while reading this Cat’s blog, not that beer is of particular interest to this or other Cats I have to say which just goes to show hoe ‘giving’ I am just like Bono – the climate clown.

Speaking of Bono and climate clowns, I have to say sadly that when I looked out of the window today I did see a bluish grey haze which I imagine is pollution, not a good sign.

But in the defence of the cloud of pollution it was a sort of lyrical hazy blue pollution cloud and not the same as the one that sweats over London, is a sort of sulphurous yellow and is intent on giving children asthma and cutting up to nine years off the life span of the residents.

Did you see that the UK is going to be fined for the over pollution of their bit of planet, the problem is Bus and Taxi exhaust – well they got rid of the cars in London.

Don’t you agree that it is a shame that no one fines India and China as well because they can teach the world a thing or two about pollution, if nothing else.

Ganges pollution.jpg

Above is a picture of the pollution (on a good day – there are no floating dead cows/humans) at India’s most sacred river, the Ganges, goodness knows what the not so sacred rivers look like or are full of!

Well this didn’t turn out to be a very funny blog which is a shame I like to make my readers smile a little even if they don’t laugh out loud, which by the way is never a good thing to do in public especially if you are alone because people around you will think that you are a little mad.

Tomorrow I plan to add a blog that will make you laugh and so I will not look out of the window before I write it I promise and hopefully then I won’t be tempted to get on to the subject of pollution.

So tomorrow I think we should talk about fish, yes what fun, we haven’t talked about fish for a long time have we?

By the way does anyone know what U2’s ‘Bono the Climate Clown’s’ real name is? I bet it is Jeff but spelt Geoff don’t you? Do let me know if you know what his real name is and indeed if you like U2, not that I care of course I just like to hear from my readers.

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A Sign of Mmh What?

Ok so today is the second sunny day and we are about four or five days into snow free weather, which will probably give you some idea about the temperature, with or without the sunshine it is cold.

But after two days of (not consecutive) sunshine the good people of Prague have decided that it is short and shirt sleeve wearing weather and are out and about in their hundreds – Prague is a small place and as yet the population hasn’t doubled in size with tourists – proudly showing their knees.

Are the Czechs mad? Well no not really they are healthy and think that their knees should be on display as often as possible, thank goodness they only think that their knees should be on display as often as possible, if you see what I mean!

But honestly having so many knees on display is a little off putting for a Cat; human knees, like all knees, are not nice, no wonder Cats hide theirs under fur, but then Cats are nice discrete animals aren’t they!

Shorts in Prague.jpg

And it is for that reason, modesty in the knee department that Cats are not like Pavels (the name I have given all Czech males – Pavelinas are the female equivalent), we would be mortified if we had our knees on display even on the hottest day.

Why? Do I hear you ask, well it is simple really, shorts are just about alright on young people, but when a middle aged man wears them to work and carries a briefcase and has a tie on you start to wonder don’t you? I do!

Still there are lots of reasons why Prague is a nice place to live, the steam coming off the river this morning made the place look magical especially if you happened to be standing on the famous medieval Charles Bridge and looking up at Prague Castle, in fact I wish I had been!

Prague-Castle.png

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Stop For a Moment and Think About Your Furry Friends!

Everyday around the world hundreds of thousands of Cats are going hungry, unloved and mistreated and that is something that shouldn’t be allowed.

But there is some good news and that is that you, yes you can do something about this dreadful state of affairs.

I imagine that you have often said to yourself, “I know it is terrible that there is such cruelty to animals and it is just awful, but what can I do, I just wish I could make things better for the poor little creatures?”

The simple answer is that you can make things better for all the poor little Cats around the world that are being mistreated and go hungry every day.

You can help then one at a time, starting with me. Just buy my book and I promise that I will make sure that I live in total comfort and never go hungry!

And if you really want to help then why not buy a few books, Christmas is coming and they make excellent presents, door stops and solid objects for humans to throw at each other when they are having a row. I typed “when humans are rowing” at first but it didn’t sound right, people throwing my book at each other while enjoying a boat trip?

So what are you waiting for? Type “Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” into Amazon.com and get my book, it will help save an adorable Cat’s life – me! or cut out the middle man and just send me more than you can afford right now.

Purrs,

The Cat

 

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