Tag Archives: Coca Cola

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English generosity

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I have a belief that all shops, supermarkets and other places of ill repute are trying as hard as they can to screw us mere consumers as often and as richly as they can. Just take a look at the ‘special’ offers advertised by supermarkets in your area.

My personal favourite is the price of Coca Cola which from week to week in supermarkets can vary in price by as much as 50% something that I believe is quite frankly dishonest and wrong.

Below is yet another example of the value that you can expect from any retail outlet.

Sale of the century England

Appalling don’t you agree?

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

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It’s ice cream, but not as we know it!

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I am not kidding you ‘Wanka’ ice cream is big in China especially where this picture was taken in Shanghai and although you probably won’t believe it the Chinese have no idea that what they have called their favourite ice cream is more than a little off putting to western tastes.

This really is an Ice Cream Shanghai

But then this lack of comprehension that their sought after ice cream is a source of mirth and usually prompts westerners to ask, when they see the sign above, if “anyone wants a …” and then collapse with laughter is no surprise really. The Chinese are a nation of strange people with a strange language who if you remember managed to take offence when Coca Cola started advertising their tooth rotting beverage in China all because “Coca Cola” translated phonetically means “bite the wax tadpole.” Yummy!

Words, like signs are powerful things in the wrong hands as this Cat knows tee hee, I am something of a master of feline literature as you know if you have read my PR, let alone my peerless books and since learning some English I have progressed to other bits of languages from around the world which I mainly picked up when researching my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

In fact I tended, because of the situations I found myself in, to learn only commands and more often than not swear words and can now fluently swear in dozens of languages, though until recently I hadn’t learned any Chinese swear words, happily I resolved that by learning the worst swear word in the Chinese language, would you like to know what it is? Of course you would! Well it’s “Democracy!”

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Coke Online – It’s Better Bottled

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I heard the other day that some fool had posted the ‘secret’ – well not anymore – recipe for Coca Cola online after it was ‘discovered’ by a radio show and I thought to myself “so what!” I won’t bother to mention the show or the website because that would just draw attention to these somewhat deranged people and that is exactly what they want of course).

It’s difficult for me to describe just how unimpressed I am by the actions of this idiot, what does the nincompoop think we are going to do – use the recipe to make our own coke?

This Cat hates to mention to these stupid people and anyone daft enough to believe what they claim is true and I’m not going to grace their story by repeating it, because surely everyone knows that the recipe for Coke and just about everything that was developed in the late 19th Century will have been modified so that the commodity embraces ‘modern’ tastes.

And of course as if to prove my point I am sure I don’t have to draw your attention to the word ‘new’ in picture below, but maybe for the “hard of understanding” as I like to call really stupid people it might be worth mentioning that in order to get ‘new’ Coke the people who make the fizzy black stuff would have changed the recipe – as Homer Simpson says “DOH!”

Can of Coke.jpg

Ok I will say this about Coke! It’s over priced and I have never understood why a litre of the stuff (that is a small amount to you guys in the states and such a small bottle probably doesn’t exist – only joking) costs as much as a bumper, jumbo sized 2 litre bottle but that’s no reason for spilling the beans is it? If you don’t like the cost of something you don’t buy it.

So every recipe has change except, that is, except the wonderfully original Worcestershire Sauce which was developed by the mother of Audrey Lawson-Johnston who was the last living survivor of the sinking of the ocean liner RMS Lusitania in 1915. Audrey’s family survived the sinking and shortly after getting back to England her Mum came up with the saucy idea of this oddly tasty sauce adored by a lot of people everywhere and of course some Cats (mentioning no names but expecting at least a case of the delicious stuff as a reward for product placement of course).

Worcestershire Sauce.jpg

Now not many people know the story of Worcestershire Sauce (or care probably har ha) but honestly for those of you who are easily excited what I have just said was not a secret.

By the way, who like me, thinks that the name of the English county ‘Worcestershire’ is a bit odd? It’s the most dreadful looking name and frankly looks almost as bad as ‘Gloucestershire’ doesn’t it? I blame the French invaders of 1066 for all of these silly names and I think I am right the name ‘Gloucestershire’ it was first used in the 1Oth Century which is the 1100’s isn’t it – me and my maths – I just wonder because the use of the word Gloucestershire was blamed on the Anglo Saxons and not the French in the text book I read!

RMS Lusitania.jpg

Don’t you think since Wikileaks – which is a most unfortunate name isn’t it, and easily confused with so much else – we are all just a little too obsessed with secrecy? I suggest we relax and have a nice cup of tea and if you want a secret about tea it is that tea bags contain the worst tea of the entire crop, the broken dusty bits! There I bet you didn’t know that! But I bet your Mum’s and Grandma’s do, what a shame you never listen to them, instead listening to a lot of attention seeking sneaky fools on the radio and internet, because if you had you would drink more tea!

I was looking for an illustration for Wikileaks but when I typed “nerd pissing in the wind” in – some say – good old Google.com I didn’t get any results – odd that?

But good news! To make it up to you I thought you might like this picture of a Dog doing its ‘business!’

Pug Pee.jpg

Pug’s are weird aren’t they?” Have you ever wondered why old ladies like them? I think we know why now – ‘hidden talents’ that’s all I’m saying!

By the way, and just quickly!

I would like to offer a great big thanks to everyone who made the February sales of my book a record for Amazon.com and it is only about half past February, my readers are so very special and so much nicer than the average reader! Thanks and I mean that, if we can do the same in March that would of course be marvellous so please start bullying your friends now if they aren’t close enough friends for you to want to buy them the book yourself!

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Turning Unsolicited Mail In All Its Forms And Glory Into Profit

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iPad.jpg

For some time all humans with a letterbox have been annoyed by mail slipping through their doors and falling with a slimy thud onto the doormat and haven’t really done much about it.

They moan these days of course about all of the trees that go into a Ford, GM, Coca Cola or worst of all any charity you could possibly imagine (and probably some you can’t) direct mail campaigns but they just throw the rubbish away or light a fire with it.

Humans know that the endless gush of this type of crap can’t be stopped and these underhanded, slippery direct marketing agencies have grown fat on their nasty direct mail campaigns, as have the companies and charities who use them.

Now, as we know the same happens in the cyber world and humans the developed world over have all been getting their undergarments in several twists because of ‘spam.’

Spam is awful and distasteful and is quiet rightly vilified and although I have had a moan or two here on my blog about spam, this blog is not actually about ‘spam’ as such! Well it isn’t about the rubbish that can lengthen parts of your body, make you much smaller in other areas or indeed inform you of the death of a very rich Nigerian or Chinese person, who you have never heard of, and then tell you it is the fervent wish of the correspondent that you and he or she should carve up the deceased assets in unequal shares in your favour – oh no it isn’t.

This good looking Cat wants to tell you about a way to really annoy any of the growing number of companies that send out direct emails, they arrive because you, like me, have been dumb enough to order something from them in the past and now for reasons that only they seem to know they think that they can send you some “Important Communication” or the other.

So here is what you do, reply to the email and make sure that their email is in the body of your reply, and thank them so much of informing them that you have won one of their fine products.

Doing this will ensure that the marketing department is confused and if you are lucky even a little panicked and do please make sure that you reply nicely – after all you have won whatever you fancy from their product range and do I implore you be as extravagant as you possibly can be.

Just now I had an email from the local Apple store, I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t want it and so if they have decided to write to me it must be my lucky day and if it is my lucky day then it follows (surely) that I have won something.

So I replied nicely and said that I would be delighted to accept a new Apple Powerbook which though not as pretty as my beautiful G4 is sort of ok really especially if it is free and I also asked if they could throw in a new Apple iPad that would be exceptional because then I could read my wonderful book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary” on it, it is of course available in all ebook formats that matter and the ebooks can be bought here www.thecatsdiary.com.

Of course it goes without saying that I am looking forward to their reply and my winnings being delivered.

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