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Announcing your own end!

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There is something rather sad about this poor little ‘A’ board standing alone and proud outside of a shop in Royston, Hertfordshire and it isn’t that it lives in Royston, Hertfordshire, I think, though it could be that of course!

Announcing your own end

No I the sad thing about this ‘A’ board is the fact that it appears to be announcing its own demise, which must be a terrible thing to have to do.

I wonder what the poor have little ‘A’ board will do next? Probably become a Pixar movie, they all seem to be getting a little alike these days if you ask me and the ‘A’ board looks a bit like ‘Wall-E’, but then I have to declare an interest in the quality of 3D animated movies, I want to make my own and need shed loads of cash, but nowhere near as much as Pixar, Disney and the other studios seem to spend I have to say.

It crossed my mind the other day that there is something wrong with the size of 3D animated and indeed 2D animated movies especially when I heard that mine would cost a mere $30 million.

Now I am not saying that $30 million is peanuts, that would be stupid and only worth of a Dog, no it is a fortune, but in comparison to what Disney, Pixar and Dreamworks claim to spend on their movies it’s one third yes you read that right, which all goes to show that my movie is going to be incredible value for money and better still I can make two more for the price of ‘Brave,’ ‘Shrek,’ ‘Tangled’ or any of those other ‘winners.’

Who knows if the trend I am setting catches on you might get cheaper Movie Theatre seats and less expensive Popcorn – who said I am only dreaming?

Actually I don’t think I am dreaming, surely anyone making a movie should get paid for its success and not as the case seems to be these days for ‘making’ the damn thing, this sort of thing leads to too many real turkeys getting through the wire doesn’t it? Which means that worst of all, you the movie going public, pay the best part of a couple of days wages to take your kids and some of their friends to the movies and fill them up on all of the over priced goodies available in the foyer like the aforementioned Popcorn, Nachos, Hot Dogs and then cold drinks to say nothing of Pick’n Mix.

Did you know that ‘foyer’ in French also means ‘hearth’ which frankly is where a lot of 3D animated movies should be consigned too, except mine when it is finished of course.

Don’t miss my Kickstarter Project

For a limited time only, as they say, you can help with what has been described as the best Kickstarter project ever, namely The Cat’s 3D Animated Movie Project.

Yes that’s right if you click here MY KICKSTARTER PROJECT you can help yourself to a piece of what will be movie history. I’m making a trailer for my up coming movie and I really need your help! Give as much as you like for wonderful and valuable rewards.

Sadly we live in a suspicious world so if you send this link to a friend you might like to use this one to show that there isn’t any funny business involved, there never is on my blog or site but then only you and I know that don’t we!

They can paste it into their browser and go straight to my 3D animated movie project page on Kickstarter.

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Ice Age 4 and other 3D ‘wonders’

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Correct me if I am wrong but are more and more movie studios greasily sliding onto what they obviously see as the lucrative bandwagon that is animation, all with rather substandard productions, and worse it seems the are all choosing to join the 3D animation bandwagon which begs the question what will happen to the rather wonderful but sadly ‘ordinary’ 2D animation?

Yes this weekend I went to see Ice Age 4, a disappointment of a movie in 3D that even Sid the Sloth couldn’t rescue with his usual humour, despite a rather novel encounter with his wonderfully negligent parents.

Ice Age 4 Poster

To my way of thinking too much time in this confused movie was devoted to ‘amazing’ 3D effects of landmasses sliding over each other, not that these effects weren’t impressive of course, it’s just when you’ve seen one landmass slide over another the rest gets just a little tedious.

Maybe that is the trouble with modern day ‘Pixar’ style animation. Producers, writers, directors and teaboys in charge of these enormously costly productions think that they are compelled to include ever more startling special effects at the cost of… oh things like storyline, comedy and even relevance!

 

You never saw much in the way of special effects in Daffy Duck, Wile E Coyote or Bugs Bunny animated productions. Just a lot of gags and a bit of madness. Oh how I miss them these days and cringe at the announcement of the latest animated feature production especially when it is in 3D – when will they get that right?

Looney Tunes

There was one good thing about seeing Ice Age 4 this weekend though, I saw a trailer for Universal Studio’s first stab at making a large pile of cash from animation. It was called ‘Paranorman’ and if the trailer – where they include the best bits I believe – is anything to go by then we should all give this awful 3D turkey a very wide berth indeed.

 

Come on Disney, Fox, Sony to say nothing of Dreamworks please at least try to make a 3D animated movie that is entertaining and makes the audience laugh and not leave the movie theatre looking sheepish and embarrassed for having wasted so much time in the dark.

Here is just an observation about the Apple IOS 5 it recognises the made up word that is the part of the name of ‘Pixar’ Animation and not only auto-suggests it when you type one fingeredly on any iPhone, pad or Pod’s cramped keyboard but will also auto-correct a misspelling of the word ‘Pixar,’ but does not do the same for the made up word that’s the name of a competitor ‘Dreamworks’ really Apple how banal is that?

Finally, imagine my surprise, shock and horror to discover that Peaches, the daughter of Manney and Ellie the Mammoths in Ice Age, looks like a friend of mine! No I don’t think I am brave enough to say who though!

Peaches

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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‘Puss In Boots’ – The Rumours

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I have been asked constantly recently a range of questions about poor old Dreamworks’ latest chump of a movie ‘Puss In Boots!’

Puss in Boots

The questions range include;

1. Is there any thing I can do to help Dreamworks write either a funny or successful movie (or preferably both) in the future?

2. Is there anything I can do for this turkey of a movie that they have in the Movie houses at the moment?

3. Can I think of anything to do with enormous surplus of ‘Puss In Boots’ merchandise that Dreamworks have.

Puss in Boots Toy

The sad fact (and I have a feeling that the Cat already knows it judging but his pose in the picture above) is that I can’t help the movie or the people behind it or assist in shifting tons of ‘Puss In Boots’ figures, cuddly toys, action sets. Although I do believe that I could find a use for any ‘Puss In Boots’ toilet paper!

‘Puss In Boots’ the movie suffers from being spun from a rather frail character in a successful franchise, like so many TV series that none of us can quiet remember.

The movie itself suffers from the fact that Dreamworks really doesn’t have any idea what young people find interesting, funny and most of all engaging; indeed I wonder if any grown-ups at Dreamworks asked even just one child if they liked actually liked ‘Puss In Boots?’ And not the one caught up in the obvious regard that they had for the Puss in footwear in Shrek.

The original ‘Puss in Boots’ story always bored the diapers off me when I was a kitten! And I am sure that goes for normal ordinary children as well.

The reason why ‘Shrek’ was so successful was that it was ‘different’ the reason why ‘Puss In Boots’ is a Dog of a movie and has had incredibly disappointing box office receipts is that it is just um, err, well, just that it’s bland, grey, tired, unoriginal – need I say more?

So onto something that is wonderful, colourful, funny, marvellous and the work of a genius and I have to say closer to my heart and will make a small fortune. I am currently looking for funding for a movie based on my first masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and judging by the fact that people with money are idiots and to prove that have invested heavily in a mess of a movie like ‘Puss In Boots’ I am expecting the cash any day.

As far as I can tell I think I have only one problem, and that is that if the idiots with money are prepared to pour so much cash into a Donkey of a project like ‘Puss In Boots’ will they put vast sums of money into something that is brilliantly written, desperately funny, and a work of some considerable genius! It is probably doubtful because that would require taste and imagination!

Can you see that I am face by an awful dilemma! Should I dumb down the script, take out the jokes and worse base my story on a tired nursery rhythm or English Pantomime? And believe it or not there is yet another problem with that scenario!

Are there any tired children’s stories left? Haven’t Disney and Dreamworks animated all of them already and are now at their wits end running around saying “oh no, we have to do something original now!”

Of course that won’t get them anywhere you only have to look at Pixar to see that, they provide movies with amazing technical brilliance, incredible animated tricks and so on and so forth but the storylines tend to be weak.

Just think of any of those dreadful driving movies staring someone called ‘Vin,’ the special effects are um… ‘special’ but that’s as far as it goes. Once you have seen a string of special effects you tend to be immune to them but not to the drone of the movie.

So if you have a few mill or even a few thou don’t let it go to waste, buy a share in what will be the animated movie moment of the century and help fund my wonderful movie as soon as possible so that we can get on with the production of that and the sequel at the same time.

If you need to have a quick read of my wonderful book before you decided to fund my movie then you can get it here Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com and of course the movie sequel here Paperback edition of The Cat’s Travelogue and do get a move on, I want to start filming as early as possible, I am a Cat who writes blogs who is in a hurry to be the first Cat to win an Oscar.

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Sauce Of The Sweet & Sour Goose

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Kung Fu Panda 2 007

As a lot of us know Hollywood’s latest animated blockbuster from Dreamworks, the Chinese themed Kung Fu Panda II, opened in the US and China at the weekend and it by all accounts did rather well, which is nice.

The first instalment (imaginatively entitled Kung Fu Panda II – but with one less ‘I’) broke box office records in China three years ago but was criticised in some quarters as western exploitation of Chinese culture.

Do you agree with with this Cat and think that the Chinese have at least two faces and are being rather silly about saying that Kung Fu Panda I or indeed Kung Fu Panda II are “western exploitation of Chinese culture!” After all what would you call making all of the goods that the West use everyday like iPads, iPhones, Computers that even aren’t Apple ones, TV’s and of course so much more if it isn’t Chinese exploitation of Western culture.

To say nothing of the fact that almost everything made in China is badly made, falls apart as soon as the product is removed from the safety of its protective packaging, and of course that most of the counterfeit DVD’s and other pirate products are made in China and sold in the West.

All of which I am sure means that the Chinese have a sauce pointing a finger at the West for exploitation and should be the last to lecture the West about exploitation especially when they now have jobs that used to be Western jobs and the families who relied on them are flat broke. Surely the Chinese take the biscuit for exploitation – right out of hungry Western mouths in fact.

Changing the subject for a moment I would just like to thank a record number of people for buying my latest book and masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ during June, it is obviously perfect reading for the Summer and I hope that you enjoy it while you are tanning on a beach somewhere very warm.

One thing I would say on the subject of buying books – well I promised my translator I would – is that copies of his ebooks are available on Amazon.com and all other great retailers so when you go to Amazon.com to buy my book or to my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com do have a look at John Woodcock’s books ‘Trams of Prague’ and ‘AstroMouse,’ they are really rather good (he made me put that bit in but after reading them I agree).

The other thing I would say is that avid readers of my books are in for a real treat very soon my next book ‘The Travelogue – A Cat Against The World’ is soon to be available in the same great bookshops and websites as ‘Getting Out’ isn’t that wonderful?

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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