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HAPPY NEW YEAR from The Cat

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Hello to all my lovely cuddly readers. I thought that I would wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous New Year and let you know that I am still skiing in the Bohemian Mountains, enjoying lots of rest, comfort and everything else that a very hard working and successful Cat should.

As I am on holiday I think that my blogs will be a little short for a few more days but I am sure that you understand because you are all so kind.

I thought that you might like to see a picture of me in the snow, but as I posted it up I suddenly realised that I can’t actually see me, I must have slipped out of the picture or behind a rock while Ginger was saying “back, back, left, left, no left a bit more and back.” You wait until I see him this morning!

Snow in the Mountians

About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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A Tip For Everyone With A New Ebook Reader

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I am so pleased for everyone who got an eBook reader for Christmas, aren’t they great? Yes of course they are! They can hold hundreds of books and they, in the main, are easy to use.

Here is an essential tip for everyone who got an ereader for Christmas from your friendly superstar Cat. Whatever you do make sure that you download my books to your eReader from either Amazon or my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite shop here The Cat’s Webstore

Here are some essential links to Amazon.com that will take you to both Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary or here Amazon’s page for The Cat’s Travelogue all you have to do is to click the blue line or lines of your choice.

Just so you know what you are looking for here are some pretty pictures of the covers. May I suggest that once you have read my ebooks you order a copy of each book in paper form for your bookcase, they too look wonderful on any bookcase shelf because they have pictures of me on the covers and spines.
Getting Out Cover

The Cat s Travelogue Cover

Don’t forget that those nice people at Amazon.com and also my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite don’t stop for Christmas or the New Year and so if you want to fill your brand new shiny eReader, whatever the make, you can do it right now, and of course if you do then you will make a little Cat very happy indeed!

About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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The Things People Feed Horses

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You humans are an odd bunch and with your mad actions sometimes get us animals into a lot of trouble, my subject to illustrate this is what you humans do and indeed don’t do when feeding Horses.

It’s a little known fact that’s only common knowledge in the equine community that horses really like Polos Mints which are small round mint flavoured boiled sweets with a hole in them but sadly very few people feed Horses Polos, instead they give them handfuls of grass, carrots and anything else they have to hand and that includes fingers.

Who s Fingers

When a human gives a Horse a finger or two to eat it isn’t always clear to the Horse or indeed the investigating authorities that the human intended the Horse to have a finger buffet. In fact some humans after feeding a finger or two to an innocent Horse and become really rather too irate about the whole matter and like their fingers the matter can get out of hand if you see what I mean!

There is some good news for humans who want to feed the odd Horse who they see standing alone in a field looking rather forlorn. Horses love treats and there is no real reason why you shouldn’t give them one but it has to be stressed do please only give a Horse one treat because Horses can unfortunately be described as greedy and will literarily eat themselves sick and if you can find out if the Horse can eat what you want to feed it.

In general when you give a Horse a treat it can be almost anything fruity or veggie, Oranges, Carrots, Apples or even a Banana but never ever give a Horse the tops (green bits) of Carrots or the peel from a Banana. In addition do ensure that you cut up what you feed a Horse into small cubes because Horses can have digestion problems and as I mentioned above it’s always best, if possible, ask the Horses owner what the Horse likes to eat and more importantly what the Horse can eat.

Asking the Horse’s owner will ensure that you feed the Horse what he or she can eat a lot of Horse can develop nasty diseases such as Colic which can be a dangerous, even life threatening, illness for Horses.

When you want to feed a Horse or give them a treat the best way to do this is to hold the treat out to the Horse in the palm of your hand, making sure that your fingers are completely extended and your hand is as flat as you possibly can make it.

Horses in fields

Lastly don’t go into the fields with a handful, armful, or bucketful of treats, thinking the Horses on the other side of the field won’t notice. Because before you realise it, you will be in the middle of a number of Horses all competing rather too boisterously for treats, unfortunately hungry Horses can get a little pushy and as they are almost always ten times bigger and heavier than the average human, humans tend to get hurt by ‘enthusiastic’ Horses.

Just for your information the wonderful illustration of ‘Two Horses at a gate waiting for treats’ is kindly provided by Mr John Woodcock (my translator) from his book ‘Tram No 6 the Naughtiest of Trams’ which is the first in a series of books from the series ‘Trams of Prague’

You can purchase an ebook of this excellent beautifully illustrated book here at www.amazon.com Trams of Prague ebook for use on Kindle Fire, iPod Touch, iPad and all other great colour eReaders. Or of course you can get it on my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite the www.thecatsdiary.com. It will make a great Christmas stocking filler.

Trams of Prague Kindle edition

And the good news is that a picture book edition will be available next year.

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Odd Chinese Safety Instructions

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In addition to a complete lack of expertise in making any kind of manufactured goods for the West that last, stealing islands in the South China Sea and interfering under Tibet’s skirts China is a place where there is not a great regard for humankind let alone animals, cough, such as myself, who can without any great effort find ourselves being accused of being a stray (which is such and insult in the Cat culture) rounded up and placed on a Shanghai dinner menu.

All of which means that when you see signs like the one below you do hope that they are followed to the letter by the hamfisted Dog and Cat eaters behind the Great Wall of China.

What Does This Sign Mean China Of Course

You know it’s amazing what you see when you are travelling the world researching a book. But all I can say is after spending nearly two, paw weary years, globetrotting that I am glad it’s over and you my dear cuddly readers can read ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ I am confident that it will bring more than a smile to your lips and like my other wonderful unputdownable book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ you will want to read it again and again.

Don’t forget as you are dusting off last year’s Holly and trying to glue back together the kids favourite Christmas decorations; to say nothing about trying to get the tree lights to work, that my books make excellent Christmas presents for all ages and while you are ordering your copies do make sure you get one for your good self, you have earned a bit of time curled up in a chair with an extremely good book like either of mine!

Just for you dear reader I have added some very useful links for you to click that will take you to my books on www.amazon.com or indeed my own www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite Travelogue Website or the normal one here www.thecatsdiary.com or my amazing virtual retail establish here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

You can get paperback or ebook copies of my first book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ here Amazon.com and my amazing second book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ either here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or here The Cat’s Travelogue ebook depending upon whether you want an ebook of a paperback version duh! Silly cat you know that sorry!

Lastly and for those who might be er… how can I put this, a little hard of understanding, here are some pretty pictures of my books and lots of devices that you can read them on if you choose to buy my ebooks! If you choose to invest in the paperback editions of my wonderful books then I suggest you read them on your lap curled up in a nice armchair!

If you need any or all of these items in addition to dozens of copies my books then click away below to your hearts content they all come from www.amazon.com where you know you can shop safely and securely to say nothing about good old Amazon ensuring that anything you order arrives on time.

It almost goes without saying but this clever Cat who writes books and who writes blogs for your amusement and delight does receive a very small ‘consideration’ from www.amazon.com if you buy any of the items below using the link or links. Well we all need to scrape a together living don’t we? So if you are going to buy a KindleFire, and iPad, iPod or iPhone to read any of my books on then it wouldn’t do any harm to click the link anyway below would it?

Mmh sorry this was such a long blog especially for those of you with a short attention span but let’s face it this is an important time for Cats in the publishing industry, we make most of our cash at Christmas time and that is why I have to use every trick in the book to get you dear cuddly reader to part with yours.

You know it isn’t easy either, because there is a fine line between marketing and whining and then there apparently is the line that I have never paid too much attention to, the line beyond which marketing is considered bullying!

Just remember dear cuddly reader, if you can, that I’m merely a simple Cat and if I do seem to over sell my books it’s because I don’t know any better tee hee!

P.S.

Sorry if any clever human knows how to get the above links to sit together and could let a confused Cat know the aforementioned cat would be very grateful because it beats the Whiskas® out of me! And Cat food all over the floor is not at all nice, especially when it is Salmon and Sardine flavour!

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Can’t Get Out For Xmas Shopping? Don’t Panic!

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It sounds as though my fans in the UK (especially) but all across europe are having a torrid time trying to do just a little bit of Christmas shopping.

The UK seems to have suffered worst of all and there is panic breaking out to do last minute shopping for Christmas according to all of the major newspapers and that is where this clever Cat can come to the rescue – by delivering all of your gift requirements before Christmas with my very cunning plan.

My cunning plan, like all good plans since the Norman invasion of England in 1066 is simple – then it was bash everyone on the head and take over – but this plan is less Gallic and violent and so simple it will work like a dream and the result will be that everyone gets a gift at Christmas even though people can’t get to the shops.

The first part of my very cunning plan is to go to my either my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or Amazon.com and download an ebook of my masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary,’ my site has them in lots of options including a pdf version which can be read on any computer no only ebook readers and of course Amazon.com have the peerless Kindle.

The Cat & Kindle.png

The second part of my plan is possibly even better and more cunning than the first part and you have to admit just the first part of the plan was a winner!

Everyone knows that although electronic or ebooks are wonderful, easy to read, weight nothing, immediate and best of all you can get thousands of them on your reader, there is nothing like being able to give someone a present that is wrapped up and to watch them unwrap present on Christmas morning their eyes growing wide and their complete joy as they realise that you have given them a copy of my amazing book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary.’

So while you are following the first part of this very cunning plan and ordering the moderately priced ebook, which of course can be delivered immediately, simply order a copy of my amazing book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ at the same time from either my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or Amazon.com for the same person, that way even if you can’t get to the shops, or copies of my book can’t be delivered because of the snow or any other disasters natural or unnatural, you will be able to wrap my book when you get it and happily give it to someone safe in the knowledge that they are already reading your first present a copy of my brilliant ebook.

Just for you from now until Christmas morning I have a team of people working 24/7 ready here at Cat World HQ to take your order and then send you the ebooks you need and the great thing about my shop here my online store is open 24/7 and if you don’t like clicking links just copy and paste this address into you browser to be whisked to my store – http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store.

Here at my brilliant store, which as I said is open 24/7 until Christmas morning, we not only offer a guaranteed service backed up personally by me – The Cat but we also take all major credit cards and you can if you wish pay using the excellent and safe Paypal payment system. And of course we can send the ebooks immediately to any email address anywhere meaning your gift will be guaranteed to be delivered before Christmas.

Oh and my translator Mr. John Woodcock also asked – well begged – me to tell you about a pair of his ebooks which I graciously sell online at my store ‘Trams of Prague – Tram No 6’

trams-cover.jpg

‘Astromouse’

astromouse.jpg

If you want to have a look at either of these excellent books or read a synopsis then simply click here my online store is open 24/7 or as I said above if you don’t like clicking links just copy and paste this address into you browser to be whisked to my store – http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store I am sure that anyone would love any all or all of the ebooks that you can find at my amazing store.

So once again this clever Cat comes to the rescue and makes the difference between not having something to give someone at Christmas and being able to give on ‘the day’ and then remember ‘the day’ afterwards when you watch someone open their second present.

I wish you all a warm and very Happy Christmas!

PS

I watched George Clooney in ‘The American’ last night and here’s a tip if you haven’t seen it – don’t bother it’s dreadful! The best thing about the movie is George’s hair cut though unfortunately his side burns are like the movie is far too long! Even the Italian scenery is dull, grey and dreary – and that is an amazing cinematographic accomplishment because Italian countryside is normally lovely.

The Cat’s tip for the holiday season until my movie comes out is ‘Despicable Me’ it’s fun, funny and everyone can watch it and find something to enjoy!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as www.pawsperouspets.com.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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