Tag Archives: Grouse

Imagine my horror!

As the title says imagine my horror when I was casually leafing through my admiring Twitter followers and weeding out the spammers and porn artists, who I seem to attract for no reason that I can fathom, to discover that this political organisation follows me.

Twitter horror

The picture of that chap who leads the organisation and goes by the odd title of ’10’ is enough to put anyone off their breakfast Prawns isn’t it? What a shifty looking character he is, personally I don’t ever trust people with very high foreheads do you?

After I recovered from the shock and came out from behind the sofa and meowed a bit to let my translator know what might have ‘happened’ (if you see what I mean) close to where I was cowering – well in my defence I was terrified by that haunting smirk ’10’ has, I started to wonder why ‘they’ would wish to follow me, they can’t be fans of mine can they? I somehow doubt that.

So what other reasons could there be for reasonably powerful political institution that’s so unpopular with the British people that it had to share power with a minority party which it referred to before the election as “irrelevant?”

Makes a Cat wonder doesn’t it! Oh! As to the question above! I have no idea why that lot follow me but I hope that they are telling all of their members to buy at least one copy of my wonderful books it may well cheer them up especially as they and their political allies will get what my old Mum used to call a “drubbing” at the next election assuming that they last that long.

So if you ’10’ and your politicos are reading this, and of course it will appear and even get retweeted on my page at Twitter I hope that you take some of this Cat’s wisdom to heart, especially the occasional serious stuff which is usually about animal welfare.

The UK is not a good place for a lot of animals to live today, with idiots training Dogs to fight and to be like weapons, with what look like ‘normal’ middle aged women putting a Cat into a dustbin just because the Cat was sitting on a wall near one, and worst of all the fact that even the royals can’t keep their itchy bejewelled, privileged fingers of the triggers of their Purdey & Sons 12 bore shotguns much to the cost of anything that is either furry or feathered and wild.

As you can see from the picture below of the exterior of Purdey & Sons shop in South Audley Street London, all of the royals from the queen downwards like their double barrelled fun and have given Purdey permission to use their coat of arms.


Of course a royal warrant means that the royals either get their weapons and ammo cheap or don’t pay for them at all and the company gets their warrant, a seal of approval, and with that can double their prices even when they aren’t selling their hardware to folk from the middle east who are tired of hunting with hawks and want to do what the royal family do with such grace and blow large holes in deer, rabbits, pheasant, grouse, and any other wild creatures that cross their sights.

And just to show that this cat isn’t exaggerating look at the picture below. Nothing demonstrates the result of a successful royal hunting party better than a picture of the participants carrying away the corpses of so many defenceless little wild creatures, in this case a brace or two of pheasants. While one of them wears a hat that was killed earlier!

Wills Kate shooting

Finally this is just an observation, but have you noticed that both William and Kate share that ominous human characteristic I mentioned above, a very high forehead, it has to mean something doesn’t it?

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Poor Prince Harry!

Idiot falling off horse.jpg

I was so sorry to hear from advert filled BBCnews.co.uk website that yesterday or the day before the ‘lovely’ Prince Harry was in a potentially serious accident.

Happily, unlike his colleagues, ‘Henry Charles Albert David Windsor, born 15 September 1984’ as he would appear on any charge sheet, a serving officer in the British Army wasn’t being shot at at the time in Afghanistan where most of his colleagues are in cover waiting for the next idiot with a bomb, prince Harry was in Barbados.

It is such a shame that the British royal family have to fit in so much work around their hobbies and this terrible accident is proof that the lack of time they have to practice their past times is beginning to cause and possibly dangerous accidents.

Fortunately Prince Harry was uninjured in the fall when he landed it is believed on his head, doctors said that the royal family are blessed with remarkably thick skulls due to the constant and avid interbreeding of the pedigree over many years and that Prince Harry will be able to continue enjoying himself soon when the Grouse and Deer shooting season opens.

People close to the prince said that he will be taking more leave from the British Army so that he can recover from this ‘uninjury.’ The average soldier gets five and a bit weeks paid holiday per annum which means that for around 47 weeks of the year they can be shot at, bombed etc., in places such as Afghanistan.

On the other hand Prince Harry, who has taken full advantage of the fun side of what the Army has to offer has learned to ski, fly helicopters and scuba dive and hasn’t been on a full tour of active duty at all during his career in the Army, although it was rumoured that prince Harry was stationed in Afghanistan for 11 weeks.

These rumours are probably at best unreliable because the ‘prince’ would have been a high value target and as such would be a danger to all of the people who served in the army with him.

However the rumours of his ‘selfless service’ to his country do make great PR and the royal PR machine used them to great effect when they they have to cover Harry’s little faux pas, such as his love of dressing up in Nazi army uniforms, calling Muslims “ragheads” and generally demonstrating what a coarse and uneducated mob, the royal family really are!

The Nazi Prince.jpg

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