Tag Archives: Presents

Thanks & Happy Christmas

Christmas Wreath.png

So as in most households over the world the presents are wrapped, the tree is dressed and is twinkling and makes strange robotic Christmas Carol sounds, the vegetables stored, most of the chores are done and the Turkey is looking decidedly worried and keeps checking the calendar.

We, it would appear are ready for Christmas and that means that we have a few guests here at Cat World HQ and a place will be set at our table of a few good friends and of course some of the relatives that either no one else will entertain and indeed they must have came up with much better excuses for not inviting to their Christmas lunches.

It is at moments like this when you are surrounded by family and friends that Cats like me want to escape, but unfortunately that’s not always possible and so one has to get on with it – Cats can’t grin and bear it because ‘grinning’ is very much like smiling and that of course as I have explained a few times on my wonderful blog and in my peerless masterpiece of feline literature, ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cats Diary,’ is because ‘smiling’ and don’t forget ‘grinning’ makes Cats look sinister.

So before I lose the plot and the point of this blog I would like to just take a moment to thank everyone who has bought, read and liked my book and been kind enough to leave such nice comments about it and of course done the same with my blog.

I would also like to thank all of my fans for so much because I know the best way to show appreciation these days is with loyalty and last but by no means least I want to mention my ‘special’ but never retarded friends, Ginger, Dave the Cat and Bert the Black and White Cat who individually and as a rather shabby group make me smile when I report to a wider world the things that they do. Each one has a special place here at Cat World HQ the trouble is that they won’t stay in it.

It is possible that I could go on forever thanking people and patting them on the back, massage a few egos and generally sound all smarmy but I think I will save that for my Oscar speech because I have just thought of something that happened years ago, it made me laugh and I hope that it raises a smile with you.

Back in the days when television wasn’t quite tuned in properly and the pictures always seemed to be in black and white I was minding my own business dozing lightly on the arm of a sofa thinking to myself that someone aught to tune the TV in properly so that the picture was in colour when a Dog race started and I forgot all about the complaint I was going to make.

I was transfixed, here before my eyes was the perfect use for Dogs but as with all things Doggie after a few minutes of barking and racing around a track trying to catch what was obviously an ‘electric bunny’ and never going to be caught I started to lose interest.


It might have been minutes or hours later, I am not sure, but when I woke up the races were over and a winner had won something called ‘The Grandstand Greyhound Cup’ which was odd because even in black and white I could see that not all of the hounds were grey. Oddly enough appears to be a sort of race of superfast racing Dogs and not a description of the colour of their fur

As with all sporting events it wasn’t the winner who was being interviewed it was the trainer, but then an interview on live TV with a Dog might not be as funny as what happened next.

The trainer of the winning ‘Greyhound’ was doing what trainers of athletes, no matter whether they are human, equine or canine, do – he was taking all of the credit. But this trainer had several handicaps, he was overcome with emotion, he was on live TV and he was Irish.

When asked the question “I suppose you have a lot of people who you would like to thank!” – which of course wasn’t a question, the trainer’s mind either went blank but he was being ‘interviewed on TV’ and we all know that if someone points a TV camera at you, holds out a microphone and asks a question they they must be important and deserve an answer if you don’t believe me just ask a TV reporter or interviewer they will tell you they are.

So with the glare of the TV lights on him and the Greyhound loving world holding their breath to hear what the trainer had to say, he said.

“Yes that’s right I have a lot of people to thank!” The interviewer wanted more though and waited patiently for the trainer to continue – he didn’t and a few glorious embarrassing seconds of live TV ticked by.

The interviewer cracked first as the crowd around him surged and swelled. “There must be one person who you would like to thank above all!”

“Yes that right there is!” Replied the trainer.

“One person who you owe it all to.” It was clear that the TV interviewer knew more about this mystery person than the trainer.

The trainer closed his eyes for a moment in what might have been confused as thought to the causal viewer but was really due to another surge from the crowd of people surrounding the cameras wishing to be filmed on live TV.

Suddenly the trainer remembered that he indeed ‘had’ to thank someone special, someone in particular for his success which is just what he did next.

“I would like to thank someone very special.” It was obvious that he had started the sentence well. “That someone has ensured that we were successful tonight.” He paused. “That special person is why we are here now.”

The crowd were excited they wanted to hear who this very special person was, millions of TV viewers held their breath and the interviewer pushed his microphone closer the the Irishman’s lips.

“I would like to thank that special person for everything he has done. I can’t remember his name at the moment but I owe everything to him.”

Can you imagine Johnny Depp or Kate Winslet at the Oscars or Ange Jolie or little Brad Pitt at some fashion award ceremony giving a speech like that? Of course not, but then those simple uncomplicated days of black and white TV are gone forever and that is a little bit of a shame because memories are like the stars that make them these days ‘instant.’

Happy Christmas to everyone I hope to keep you all smiling and laughing for a long time to come.

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

French Christmas Carols Are Odd!

Not only are french Christmas carols odd they are of course rip off of English ones, for example the good old ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ or ‘Partridge in a Pear Tree’ becomes ‘La foi de la loi’ or ‘The faith of the law!’But the french have tried to disguise the fact that they have stolen the English Christmas Carol by adding a bizarreness to it and that achieve this by adding words about their favourite past time – eating.

12 Days of Christmas.jpg

So instead of a ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ we have ‘La foi de la loi’ or ‘The faith of the law’ which you will have cleverly noticed has noting to do with food – ah these frenchies are clever and there isn’t a Partridge or a Pear tree in sight.


They sing this little song at Christmas in the west of France and as befits a song about food disguised as a song about the law, the french insists that the song is sung “avec solennite,” (with solemnity) this Cat thinks that that is probably not easy when you look at the words to the 11th verse!

So how do we know that the french stole the song when it has been so heavily disguised – well the tune is a dead give away and I suppose you are going to have to take this honest Cat’s word for that but I can also add that the sequence of the song is the same as in English because although the french do so much that is different from the normal world they haven’t yet managed to count differently to the rest of the world much to their annoyance.

So without further ado let’s strike up the band and sing ‘La foi de la loi,”avec solennite’ of course!

12 day of Christmas.jpg

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a good stuffing without bones (it doesn’t quite have the ring of a ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’/’Partridge in a Pear Tree’ does it?)

Now just add the rest below!

Two breasts of veal,

Three joints of beef,

Four pigs’ trotters,

Five legs of mutton,

Six partridges with cabbage,

Seven spitted rabbits,

Eight plates of salad,

Nine dishes for a chapter of canons,

Ten full casks,

Eleven beautiful full-breasted maidens (would the french know what to do with these?)

Twelve musketeers with their swords

I don’t know about you, but it just doesn’t do it for me! I miss the Lords a Leaping and the Five Gold Rings but then maybe i am old fashioned, still if you are very good and need a laugh let me know and I will tell you all about the very weird Scottish version of this great English Carol ‘strange’ is a word that doesn’t come close to describing it – yes the french and the scots have a lot in common.

Great News

Amazon.com have done what they described as an “emergency restock” so that then now have enough copies my best selling book, they like me are surprised and delighted by just how many people have shown the good taste to buy not only a copy of my masterpiece of a book for themselves but also to buy four or five spare copies to give to treasured friends and relations.

So don’t miss out on having my wonderful book delivered well before the noel day order it now.Yes drop everything – what did you think I meant!

Get your copy or better still copies here Amazon.com and of course you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com where you can also enjoy a lot of other stuff free online games, jokes, and so much more.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s My Birthday Today

Smaller Balloonstext.png

It is my birthday today and I just wanted to say thanks to all of my wonderful fans who have sent me cards, gifts, money and cake.

Just one thing – next year it might be better not to send cake because even if the boxes of cakes are carried by the most careful couriers in the world by the time the “Posta” lady (our muscular Czech post person) stuffs the boxes of cake into my letter box the cakes are reduced to a rather nasty dripping but colourful mess.

By the way, today here in the Czech republic it is a national holiday which is nice isn’t it; fancy all of these nice people celebrating with me! Although they do seem to mention something about history and the Velvet Revolution – but I have no idea why.

Smaller Balloonstext.png

Now as you can see happily I have found out how to use html properly in this new blog writer and that means I can tell you where to get my book at Amazon.com and also to visit my WWW wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.comand provide links to them again which is handy for all isn’t it?

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , ,

The 350 Year Old Diary

One of the most famous diaries in the world after mine is by a chap, who to me seems a bit pompous, called Samuel Pepys and this year it is exactly 350 years since it was started.

The diary in question is Samuel Pepys’ and was started on January 1st 1660 and carried on for nine years which is a bit of a long time, but it is as interesting as it is heavy and has some priceless extracts some include watching the Great Fire of London in 1666, living through the Black Death a year or two before and some about his private life.

Samuel Pepys2.jpg

The private moments in Pepys diary pain a rather unpleasant picture of the workings of London’s sewer system which was frankly non-existent.

Pepys moved into a new house and tells his readers what happened soon afterwards.

“Going down into my cellar I put my foot into a great heap of turds [from his neighbour’s toilet]… which doth trouble me.”

Pepys was not usually a man to call a “turd” a ‘turd’ because he was patronised heavily by king Charles II being appointed to the Navy office and rose through the ranks to become a very influencial and powerful member of the upper class, not bad for a tailor’s son from Fleet Street.

One of the best bits of his diary proves that he is a real Englishman when he describes trying for the first time a drink newly arrived in England – Tea – and says that he enjoyed his “cupp” very much.

If you haven’t dipped into Samuel Pepys’ diary I can hardly say that this Cat blames you it’s so big, but it is nice to think that diaries are so universally appreciated and that my diary will one day be 350 years old as well, I am sure that there will be a party to celebrate – I wonder what presents I will get?

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

For Me!

Do you know what my favourite words are?

Well lucky you my wonderful fans there is a clue in the title of this little blogette. Yes that is right I love to say “for me!” As you will note the ‘for me’ in question comes with an exclamation mark of joy and not a question mark, and that is because if someone feels like giving something then I am sure it has to be for me!

It is desperately sad that I actually haven’t heard those words ‘for me!’ enough recently and so I have decided that I need a treat or several dozen treats and that means that you dear readers have a responsibility to think of something wonderful you can give me and then let me know as soon as possible when I can have it.

This good looking Cat deserves it you know that, just think of the millions of people in the world who have had their days or if they are slow readers their year brightened by reading my amazingly funny book Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary available here of course Amazon.com.

And for that fact alone I am worth a present or two don’t you think to say nothing of the fact that I am simply perfect and a star among stars.


Technorati Tags:
, , , , , ,