Tag Archives: The Queen

A Prince among fools

Harry naked

Ok we have all been here before haven’t we? A member of that sad, discredited and failing British institution the royal family caught with his trousers down and I am not talking about Henry VIII who was a master when it came to waving his royal naughty bits around. Which incidentally just goes to show that in 486 years they haven’t learned their lesson – talk about slow learners!

I had to laugh at a headline which I saw today in the online edition of the Daily Telegraph “Prince Harry faces ‘dressing down’ from commanding officer” I wondered just how much more ‘dressing down’ the fool among princes can achieve – see photograph above which looks as though it has been cut out of a gay magazine – “not guilty!”

Which all goes to show that the royal family and not just the royal wand wavers should be got rid of and quickly. The royal family obviously believe that they are just as entitled to the atrocious behaviour of ego maniacs today as they always have been like oh to name but one Henry VIII who of course changed the religion of the country to get a girl to say “yes!”

Oh by the way apparently the punishment that will most likely be levelled at the naked prince for shaking his stuff and being daft enough to do that in a room full of naked drunks is to have to donate his wages to charity! Now that would be a real punishment if he was a real soldier, but being a pretend part-time soldier and a real playboy who’s suite next door to where he gate crashed a hen party and stripped off cost $10,000 a night.

Which beggars the question, how do you punish these idiots with more money than sense? You could just stop them in their tracks, strip them of all of their wealth and then rent them out to the rich who need a token royal guest to really get that party started.

Mind you I don’t suppose that the Duke of Edinburgh does that sort of thing anymore and when he did at least he did it in the room next door to the Queen’s bedroom (apparently) and the Queen – well did you see her face in the TV cameras during the Olympics, most heads of state would have killed to have done what she was invited to do, but she didn’t crack her face and smile did she?

Oh and by the way just how much leave from the military has prince Harry managed to accrue? He had time off for most of the Olympics and still enough leave to party his way across America – why does the British Military have to put up with these royal fools?

It must cost millions to protect the royals even when they aren’t anywhere near the frontline and if I recall the Royal Navy had to give prince Charles a ship to command at the end of his naval career because he whined so much! Happily they found him an 18 year old minesweeper that no one was too worried about if he spilt his Gins no the furniture or clipped a dock wall or two here or there!

Funny how after just five years of service in the Royal Navy which ended in 1976 the fool was made an Admiral in 2006? Which begs the question – what the f**k?

Get rid of them and do it soon. The royal family make Britain look like a laughing stock.

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Kate Masks© – the latest craze to sweep the planet

I don’t know if you saw the cover of Hello magazine this week? (If you didn’t I have added it below). I did, on a book stand in Berlin and I was rather surprised to see the person walking a rather nice Black Spaniel was wearing a Kate Mask©.

At first I thought that the good people of Hello magazine had been using photoshop but on closer inspection I don’t think they did, still I compensated for that below tee hee.

The reason why I thought Hello magazine had been a photoshoping was firstly the rather odd fixed stare of the over sized face under the hat and on the cover and secondly because Kate Masks© are in very short supply as this is a Jubilee year and no one in their right mind wants to wear a queen mask©.

Kate Mask

As you can see in the next snap I am so pleased that I was able to get hold of a few very rare Kate Masks© and join in the latest craze becoming a look-a-like for princess Cindy or is her name ‘The Duchess’ I forget!

My Kate Mask

If you don’t want to be left out of the most amazing craze since Planking then do drop me a line I have a few Kate Masks© reserved for my closest friends and if you are prepared to outbid them then a Kate Mask© will be posted to you immediately after your cheque, credit card or money order has cleared.

Qatar Mask 2

Honestly though I urge you to act fast because already I have has several UK cabinet ministers, some US senators and indeed a very close aid to the royal families of both Saudi Arabia and Qatar contacting me enquiring about availability of Kate Masks©.

Well this is a very special year for the British royal family of course, the queen will have been living in a life of luxury at the taxpayers expense and taking protracted exotic holidays for what seems like forever so this year the nation and indeed the rest of the world want to congratulate her on getting away with it for so long and what better way to do that than with a finely crafted (so long as you cut it out neatly) Kate Mask©?

Just a thought from a caring Cat!

What a shame that being married to a royal and having to exist in ‘that’ family has turned the good looking young woman (below) into the one above! Do you think she needs counselling? You have to ask yourself what is she going to look like after a couple of kids, having to deal with all the nannies and servants will be tiring and if her husband turns out to be the same sort of git as her father in law then she is going to be worn to a frazzle or less.

Another Kate Middleton

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‘English Royal’ – Looking Daft Again

It is very hard to be ‘royal’ just ask Camellia Parker Whatsit – the Cat’s ‘Queen of Pies’ and prince Charles’ ‘consort’ and I am using the word ‘consort’ as a polite way of describing someone who has been having an affair with a married man for years, here! I believe in days gone by the courts would have described her as a “co-respondent.”

The main reason it is very hard to be a royal is that you really don’t need a lot of intelligence to be a royal family member and never have it is sort of an English tradition that their monarchs and their families are very stupid – for more information do take a close look at prince Charles and what he has said and done over the years.

Here, the future queen, if Charles gets his way and there’ll be trouble if he doesn’t (yes he is ‘that’ spoilt), is demonstrating the art of being a member of the English royal family perfectly and offering you an insight into that age old question. “How many fools does it take to put up an umbrella?”

How many fools does it take.jpg

Personally this Cat thinks that the old girl fits into the ‘firm,’ as the royals like to call their enterprise, perfectly and proves that it is time for a republic, at least then after a ‘term’ the English could boot out any losers and not have them hanging around embarrassing most of the nation for decades.

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Two Innocent Articles And Then…. A Warning!


I didn’t realise that when I started to support The Queen’s stand against the dreadful incursions of the paparazzi that I would have started to prise the lid off a can, full to the brim, of worms.

Ok, so I have been mentioning the UK Royal’s love of shooting small furry animals such as myself, though wilder, (and I have to say wouldn’t you be wild if you were being shot at?) and now I have had something of a warning through a third party from the United States.

This came in the mail today:

You have finally done it my friend I think. Here in the States we have the men in black who handle upstarts and the like. I am certain the British have more than the guys with Amy Winehouse hats. If you piss those people off, someone will be wearing you to the next Royal function I’m sure so take it easy on the people who run things.

Now I had no idea what an Amy Winehouse hat was but now I am worried, see above. Yes her hair is uncannily like a Guardsman’s bearskin helmet if you can say the word helmet in the same article as you mention The Queen? I don’t know but then I am only a Cat after all!

Thinking about it, it might be a good precaution to get a disguise?

I know, I could wear an Amy Winehouse hat! As you can see Amy Winehouse hats are all the rage among Cats at the moment. Below is a recent snap of my Siamese friend Prince Blue Flower or Bert as we call him affectionally, he is modelling his Amy Winehouse hat which was given to him only last week, poor devil.

What do you think? Will it work if I go under cover of Amy Winehouse’s hair?

Toby, Ginger, Monty and Felix have all said that they will wear their Amy Winehouse hats in sympathy with me bless them, so as word spreads across the world please, gentle readers, don’t be alarmed if your Cat crosses your lounge wearing something that looks like a dead fellow member of his or her species on his bonce, it is only your very own Moggie wearing his or her Amy Winehouse hat with pride and demonstrating solidarity with yours truly.

You know I never thought I could get into so much hot water and I will have to get out of it soon or my Amy Winehouse hat will sag like a badly cooked Soufflé.


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The Cat Issues Privacy Warnings Over Paparazzi Photos


In conjunction with the announcement from Her Majesty the Queen and indeed prompted to some extent by her stand on the paparazzi taking pictures of her and her family in what she describes as ‘private moments’ I feel that I have to make a stand against some of the gutter press’s most recent outrages.

A ‘private moment’ of mine was splashed all over the press recently by the paparazzi, it was awful, embarrassing and the picture was frankly very unflattering! Surely just because I am famous it doesn’t give anyone the right to take paparazzi pictures of me in my litter tray does it? And I am sure that the Queen would be the first to agree with me!

Having said that I am not like Prince Willie, and that nice little mousey Katie Middleton person, worried about the paparazzi taking pictures of me out shooting small furry animals with my Dad and Step Mother and that is because obviously being a small furry animal I have a ‘thing’ against shooting them in the first place!


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