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The Cat’s Travelogue

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I thought that my dear cuddly readers might like a sneak peek at my latest blockbuster of a masterpiece – The Cat’s Travelogue which was published on Friday and is apparently selling like cakes straight from the oven already on Amazon.com, paper version here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition, so here is a short synopsis just for you.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

They say that terrible things happen to Cats in far off lands, they eat them in some uncivilised countries and I can now tell you that everything you hear is true, from what I have seen, the world is a bit of a mess and a nasty one at that and I know that’s true because I have recently seen a lot of it from some very unusual places.

Of course like most of the international incidents and indeed domestic emergencies I have caused in my travels I was oblivious to the dire situations I found myself in, but then I am only a Cat and what do I know?

This Travelogue is not a complete list of the places I visited because some have already paid me to “keep my big f’ing mouth shut” as most of their public relations bods put it, or they will have implemented banning orders preventing me from mentioning what awful dumps they really were!

In fact this book could be the first one in history that actually gets smaller over time and that’s because other countries I’ve visited may come up with what could only be described as a “very tempting” offer to have their chapters removed!

There what do you think of it so far? Racy, exciting, controversial, funny, brilliant, another masterpiece, written by a genius I bet you think all of those things and so much more judging by the reports of sales so far.

If you want to start reading my wonderful book immediately and it is a great read you can of course do that in ebook form from either Amazon.com The Cat’s Travelogue ebook or my own www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com which has been specially redesigned by my team of Web Design Kittens to incorporate my latest book The Cat’s Travelogue.

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Mmh I Think I’ll Have 2 Plates of Big Holes!

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I love travelling, though it has to be said that I didn’t really enjoy the travelling I did while researching my forthcoming blockbusting, unputdownable bestselling book, which if you haven’t heard is a Travelogue, called rather cleverly I thought, ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

Not only didn’t I enjoy the travelling I was more or less forced to visit countries that I would never ever think of travelling to, such as oh Bangladesh, Pakistan and two or three African countries, where even the locals don’t want to live in if they can help it and are desperate to immigrate from.

One of the great things about travelling is that you get the opportunity to taste the local cuisine or if you go to France you get to taste recipes stolen from the world’s master cooks the Italians.

Sometimes when you travel to countries where, for reasons best known to themselves, they have yet to learn one’s language their attempts to translate a menu into English has me (and I hope everyone else or I am wasting my time here) rolling in the aisles.

Here is a wonderful menu from a rather quaint restaurant in Madrid, as I said I rather fancy the ‘Fried Big Holes’ mainly because they must be better than the ‘Calluses to the Madrilenian’ surely?

Mmh I Think I ll Have 2 Plates of Big Holes Madrid

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Australian Toilet Cleaner With Added ‘Revenge’

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When you have travelled the world as often and as far as this much travelled and rather clever Cat then you get the ‘delight’ experience of coming face to face with all sorts of interesting products, unfortunately some are really rather scary!

Australian Toilet Cleaner With Added Revenge

I know that toilets can be rather um… messy places but what on Earth would drive you to the point that you need to take revenge on the poor old porcelain? Beats me! But then a lot of human activity does that!

Now can you see some of the dangers I bravely faced just to bring you my next book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue!’ I am not only a genius but a brave one aren’t I?

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How To Live With A Pig

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Now that headline got you reading, didn’t it? Well let’s face it that’s what headlines are for.

I wanted to draw your attention to a very good pal of mine Marcie who actually does live with a Pig called Andrew (named after the Duke of York obviously and bearing a remarkable resemblance to his namesake) to be more precise is a piglet, but that is because he has never grown up – what a coincidence that his humans named him Andrew after a fat useless twerp who didn’t grow up either.

Poor Marcie has to put up with all sorts of indignities and displays of err… pigishness but she has come to learn to live with most of Andy’s antics and happily Andy likes to travel a lot and that means that Marcie has the run of the place when he is away.

But when he comes back all hell breaks loose, as you can see below, when there is just the hint of a rumour that there might be a full trough for him outside to sink is little piggy snout into he is up and away, occasionally this bolt for the outside sometimes coincides with Marcie going out of her Cat flap.

I Said One Of Has To Lose Some Weight

After this picture was taken Marcie said to Andy – “One of us has to lose some weight!” being regally thick as usual Andy said “I’ll help you do that old girl!”

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