Tag Archives: Travelogue

Yesterday Was International Day for Street Children Did Anyone Notice?

So yesterday April 12th was International Day for Street Children and I bet you didn’t notice! I have to say that I didn’t and sadly I rather think that the title ‘International Day for Street Children’ isn’t going to help it catch on in the public imagination or indeed be remembered – it isn’t like ‘President’s Day,”Thanksgiving’ or the dreaded ‘Tax Day’ is it?

What made me sadder was the small amount of publicity about the ‘event’ and that it seemed to focus just on two cities full of street children because there are so many all over the world.

The cities mentioned were no surprise to this Cat because he has visited both while writing his next book a ‘Travelogue’ they might surprise you though – well one anyway.

The first city featured in the ‘International Day for Street Children’ launch – this is the first International Day for Street Children actually – was the filthy slum called Delhi.

No surprises there of course Delhi is a dreadful place, the super rich Indians and the caste system conspire against most of the citizens of Delhi and indeed India in general; add to that the fact that the Indian government is one of the most corrupt in the world and you have the perfect place to have poverty and everything that is so err…’Indian.’

Street Kid Delhi

Of course you are going to get street children and there is no point embarrassing Indians and speaking out loud about it because they not only have the ex-empire to blame instead of themselves they also have been net beneficiaries of enormous amounts of charity cash to help them sort out problems like street children and they haven’t managed yet.

What was surprising was to see photographs, in the launch pack, of street children in Glasgow Scotland, part of Great Britain a country, which is supposed to be one of the most developed and prosperous countries on the planet who ‘graciously’ gives aid to China and India and other countries and is spending over 100 million pounds sterling on a royal wedding.

What a silly little pompous country Great Britain is if it is more concerned about keeping up appearances than attending to the needs of its children!

Street Kid Glasgow

Now correct me if I am wrong but if the bride in the royal wedding just bought just one wedding dress instead of the three, yes three wedding dresses that she is supposed to have bought and gave the rest of the money to Glasgow’s street kids then they could probably have a few hot meals and if the dreadful royal family paid for the wedding instead of the british public then the 100 million or so which is being spent could do so much good.

What is wrong with Great Britain and its royal family if they don’t understand that? Maybe they don’t know that the once ‘great’ Britain has more poverty than Russia according to the CIA fact book!

Lastly and I had to smile inwardly here, the organisers of the International Day for Street Children presented an expensively produced video of the kids in Delhi where as the poor kids in Glasgow only merited a slideshow!



About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Religion Is Tiring

This nice little sign was above the front seat of a train I was travelling on in Thailand while researching my latest blockbuster of a book, which is due out soon, in fact I’ll be able to tell you when as soon as my agent and publisher sober up, they’ve been celebrating ever since they read it – apparently I am going to be as big as J. K. Rowling but they didn’t specify which bit of J. K. Rowling I was going to be as big as if you see what I mean!

Save Monks Legs

I think it is quite nice that you can save a Monk’s legs don’t you? Although I thought that Monks were supposed to be able to endure long periods of discomfort like err… standing and stuff, but I suppose I have watched too many Shaolin type movies, or maybe the Monks in Thailand are just not very strong.

There was one other thing that struck me about the sign – how many Monks are you supposed to offer the seat to? I asked around and no one seemed to know, but then as I was speaking English and they were speaking Thai which believe it or not doubles as a cuisine I don’t think they understood me.

You know Thai must be a very complicated language if you can use it as a cuisine too – just a thought!

Actually I have to say that the record of my trip through Thailand and indeed one or two other countries won’t be recorded in my forthcoming and soon to be blockbusting Travelogue because the ‘authorities’ there read the chapter devoted to Thailand and very graciously supplied an awful lot of cash to ‘persuade’ me to not include the chapter in my Travelogue.

Of course this clever cat isn’t dumb and Thailand together with the other countries are obligated to keep up the exorbitant (their choice of words not mine) monthly charges or I will publish a second and more complete edition of this explosive (in every way) book.

Its not really a Travelogue Too Far but it is “wicked” as my agent who seems to act as though she is 12 most of the time said.

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French Arses

I saw this sign on my travels through France when I was doing research for my next book which is a Travelogue and will be the must have book for your holidays, the sign sort of sums the buggers up don’t you think?

French Arses

Don’t forget to look out for my latest book soon it will be on www.amazon.com all good webstores and in the lovely old fashioned brick one too oh and for all of you technophiles you will be able to buy my Travelogue as an ebook for any device at www.amazon.com or indeed my www.wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com.

Of course you can buy my first book here Amazon.com or from my website now and really get ready for the next masterpiece.

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Odd Newspaper Sales Offer

I’m still a bit busy trying to achieve something rather special and of course finish my next work of genius my Travelogue – the good news is that I am in Las Vegas at the moment, who that is good news for I don’t quite know but it must be good news for someone surely!

So with being busy etc., I feel I am neglecting my lovely cuddly blog readers who don’t get the longest blog at the minute, but they do get little jokettes and interesting pictures of course and if they are really feeling disgruntled could go to my www.wickedly wonderful website for more in-depth reading or of course buy my book here Amazon.com if they haven’t already tee hee.

So today’s blog – I do read the English newspaper called the Guardian which is rather famous for being ‘liberal’ and mis-spellings – the mis-spelling label is unfair because there are just as many poor examples of spelling everywhere these days especially in other newspapers.

Sorry the point and I separated for a moment but we are back together again now happily, veering off the point is just something I do as my dedicated readers will know full well – it is a talent of mine and of course part of my charm as a writer… oops the point mmh!

I saw this odd advert in the Guardian the other day and thought silly sods they can’t add up and that was it, but as the advert has appeared everyday now for a long while I thought I would share their silliness with you as they are so proud of it.

3 for 2

Note to the art department buy one get one free in my language means two umbrellas!

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When Is A Replica A Fake?

I’m traveling at the moment, doing research for my latest book a ‘Travelogue’ and I am currently in Turkey a land of fate watches, fake drugs, fake rugs, fake smiles, fake handbags and fake promise.

The odd thing about Turkey is that everything or more or less is fake, the Turks proudly sell fake this and fake that even the name is fake, its a bird they don’t eat!

The Turks are so proud of the fakes that they sell that they go just a bit over the top with the advertising on their shops like the one below for instance!

Fake Turkey.jpg

I tell you what though I was interested to know what the next shops good were like – what is a “Pashmina Silk Sunglasses Hat?” beats me as does a Cashmere Shawl Battery!

In an idle moment I wondered whether the Taxi which even though it is spelt Taksi is instantly recognised was fake and then I looked again saw that it was a ‘Dacia’ and realised that no one in their right mind would fake a ‘Dacia’ would they – let alone own one!

Of course I would like to immediately apologise to all Dacia owners out there if they have bought my latest book or are planning to buy it, if not the insult stays.

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A Small Joke

I thought I would tell you a little ‘jokette,’ which though quite distasteful for two reasons, it has a dead Cat in it and a banker, is still rather funny, and funny enough for me to slip it into my forthcoming book ‘The Travelogue’ so here it is!

How do you tell the difference between a dead Cat on the motorway and a dead banker? The answer is simple, there are skid marks around the Cat!

As for a picture to go with the joke sadly I could find a lot of pictures of Cats that had been knocked down on all sorts of roads but none of any bankers really you humans should do better! All of which means I though I would show you a picture of one of my favourite roads from America.

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“The road goes on forever.” As J. R. R. Tolkien said.

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The Cat Goes To The Mystic East And Starves!

As the title says I have been to the mystic east – they call it that because no one knows what they are doing and therefore daily life is as much a mystery to the people there as it is to the casual tourist!

Having said that I loved Japan and its exotic mystery but when it comes to food the mystery deepens and frankly I was just to confused to eat to say nothing of being afraid of the descriptions of the food.

Here are two examples of ‘simple’ (you would think) juice and ice cream treats available in Tokyo.

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Cool what?

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Bluebelly lovely!

Things got worst I have to say when I went to Hong Kong, Dave the Cat had wandered off which is why this menu seemed somehow ominous.

So Tht's What Happened To Dave.png

Braised fresh Dave – No!

So what was I doing in the mystic east apart from starving of course, well I am over half way through my ‘Travelogue’ it is going to be my next book and will soon be out on Amazon.com, any really good bookshop, www.thecatsdiary.com and frankly hundreds of thousands of top quality stockists just like my latest masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ which will be a movie one of these days.

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Oil Spill

You know I think that BP may have been passed ‘The Cat Towers’ my Prague HQ, and the centre of my ever growing empire, because there is the most enormous oil spill outside on the footpath (see below).

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The enormous oil spill here prompted me to ask a favour of anyone living on the Gulf of Mexico coastline. If they could take a stroll down to one of their now black beaches and sniff a tarred pelican or two and then let me know if they smell of Vegetable Oil, because I have a feeling that is the odour that is drifting up to my office window and of course if the beach and the wildlife do smell of Vegetable Oil it will confirm my suspicions and I will start to make my compensation claim.

BP say that they have a 20 billion dollar fund that they will use to pay for the damage they have created which is a hell of a lot more than the 1.28 billion dollars that Exxon reluctantly spent in 1989 after the Exxon Valdez hit the rocks off Alaska.

I wonder if BP will wash whiter? Because people who live on the coastline that the Exxon Valdez sprayed with oil say that they are still suffering the ill effects all these years later, but then as the general public have a very limited attention span who out there cares? Definitely not Greenpeace those guardians of the environment who spend so much of our hard earned money on their offices, ships and of course staff needed to collect even more of our hard earned disposable income.

I only know that they don’t care about those poor Alaskans because nowhere on their website do they say that they are doing anything for those poor sods, but then the Exxon Vadez doesn’t have the cachet of the BP disaster does it? And that means that Greenpeace couldn’t use that old Alaskan disaster to make a grab for more of your money could they! The Exxon Valdez disaster is now only relevant to Alaskans.

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But think about it can you blame greedy corner cutting corporations when it is ‘you’ that they are getting the oil for at the cheapest possible price so that you always can use your car and don’t pay too much for gas!

Tell you what, if you are ‘that’ concerned about this disaster then the obvious answer is to give up your car, don’t fly anywhere and then happily the developed world will need less oil.

800px-Exxon_Valdez_Cleanup.jpg

If we give up our cars and trucks and save loads of oil then that will leave the two biggest polluter China and India (who of course don’t have any international legal obligations to stop polluting) to pay ever greater amounts of cash for oil, which I have to say is a nice idea isn’t it?

Still thinking about the BP disaster for a moment – did you know that the BP disaster is not the worst oil spill ever, yes, you wouldn’t believe it would you? There is at least one worse oil spill. It happened when that arch villain Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait and then offered a “Mother of all Battles” then ran away before ‘Mother’ arrived and the battle could begin.

During Saddam’s brief time in Kuwait he was worried about the American Marines landing from the Persian Gulf and so being the ‘hero’ that he was he ordered that the valves at an offshore oil terminal be opened. The result was a loss of hundreds of millions of barrels of oil and a 4 inch thick oil slick that covered 4000 square miles.

To give you an idea of what that was like just imagine Rhode Island not only covered in oil but swamped with it to a depth of a foot.

Lastly on an equally unhappy note I recently travelled to Hungary to write a little more of my next book which is a Travelogue, now you can see why I went to Hungary it wasn’t for any sort of literary inspiration or anything I hope you didn’t misunderstand.

The whole trip was awful because basically Hungarians are the rudest people I have ever encountered and I have met Prince Charles!

You can read all about my trip in the book when it finally comes out, but I thought I would share an observation and show just why people are acting unwisely if they wear t-shirts with writing on.

As I passed through downtown Budapest I saw a t-shirt which had a very odd message on it! It said “I Love BP” actually it was one of those even worse than dreadful t-shirts that said “I” then had a little graphic representation of a heart “BP” if you see what I mean.

As you can imagine I thought that this was a very risky stance for anyone to take on behalf of BP in the light of what they are doing to one of the prettiest places in the world, but this was Hungary and as I explained, though I hope not too critically, 99.99% of Hungarians are rude bastards.

It wasn’t until I was on my way home and had spent several hours sighing with relief to get out of Hungary alive it sort of dawned on me “I ♥ BP” meant “I Love or ♥ Budapest.”

As you can now tell it was such a dreadful place, because of the Budapestians that it never ever entered my head that someone would love Budapest, or dare wear a t-shirt that showed any love to the oily polluter either for that matter.

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Did She Or Didn’t She?

Oh Eun-Sun.jpg

Look she is only little, so why do people make such a fuss about poor Oh Eun-Sun? According to the 3ft 3inch sturdily build Korean (there is only one Korea to Koreans) she has managed to climb all of the highest peaks in the world which is quite an achievement for someone who must think that a MacDonald’s counter is at the top of the world when she is dying for a Big Mac but being ignored.

So why oh why does some clever Richard or is the “clever dick” keep saying that poor little stocky Oh Eun-Sun has missed a significant peak and therefore failed to climb all of the world’s highest mountains, when poor plucky petite Oh Eun-Sun is probably at home with her mountaineers socks off warming her frost bitten chilblanes and trying to recover from a diet of Yaks, milk which apparently turns your stomach into a dangling mess after as far as she was concerned running out of very tall mountain peaks to climb.

Personally I think that the clever Richard is jealous and just because poor little Oh Eun-Su might have become confused at the end of her mountain climbing odyssey and turned right instead of turning left to climb Mt Kanchenjunga, on the border of Nepal, India and China, and gone home instead, it is nothing to get too hot under the thermals about.

Lets face it, if all you have been doing since 1997 when Oh Eun-Sun, who of course is not very tall, started climbing the world’s highest peaks you would get rather disorientated and may forget to climb a mountain or two wouldn’t you especially if it is the last one and some one has called you on your rather outdated mobile phone to tell you that the Shin Ramyun is ready?

Actually I have to confess to getting confused when travelling recently. As I have been writing my latest blockbuster, my wonderful “Travelogue” I have accidentally taken a wrong turning or two myself, but usually I have to add, aided by Dave the Cat’s dreadful directions and appalling map reading skills.

You know, I vote that we vote that poor dwarf-like Oh Eun-Sun be crowned Queen of the Mountains or whatever useless title she is after and let’s brush the Mt Kanchenjunga ‘incident’ under the carpet shall we? After all isn’t it an achievement to climb nearly all the highest mountain peaks in the world? I should say so. Between you and me I get out of breath and giddy just climbing the stairs when slipping off for a snooze on ‘their’ bed so I think that the precocious vertically challenged Korean climbing wonder should get the cake or whatever the prize is don’t you for climbing all of the tallest mountains in the world after all who really cares?

PS

I may have got the exact height of the Korean tiny terror of the Alps wrong, there is nothing in the news to suggest that Oh Eun-Sun is as small as I imagine, except of course the word ‘Korean!’ And that is said with love, Koreans and other tiddlies are really rather nice and happily the Cat can look some of them in the eye without them bending which is handy.

Oh Eun-Sun.jpg

I think the captions says “I need to go to the loo can you turn the camera off for a minute!” But then I might be wrong!

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